Is this enough of a reason to split?

[Greycat100]

Hi, I'm sick of being the person in the relationship who does most of the horrid jobs. For example, this afternoon I had to clean the fridge that was full of his condiments and other items he had tipped out and left to rot. I use the fridge as well, but if I spill something in there, I would clean it, not leave it. Lots of rotten stuff needed to be thrown away, and the bins needed to be emptied first as they were all overflowing. This is just one example of many, and it makes me hate him. I have better things to do with my time. I have to initiate all tasks that involve the house and it's so overwhelming.

He has been a nightmare to parent with, and I don't think I can go on. I have spoken many times about a separation, and I have been told to 'suck it up' and that this is what marriage is like or I have been told about how damaging it will be for our child. I am being guilt-tripped into staying. I would appreciate some advice, as I am so worn down by it all. I work full-time, and we have been married for 10years. I feel as if I have to put up and put up.

Yes it is.
He isnt pulling his weight and he doesnt give a fuck how you feel.
That is reason enough to split.

I believe that if your life would be significantly improved if he wasn't around, then yes, split up.

You do not have to put up with this at all. Your husband sounds like a complete twat. If you want to leave then do it, your child will recover from any sadness it causes. Better for the child to see that you don't have to be treated like shit in a relationship and stay. You deserve way better than this cock knocker

Yes it definitely is. I was reading it thinking will not if you haven't told him, and then read that you had. Sod that, he doesn't appreciate you. And good news being single is great!! Other good news there's lovely men out there if you ever wanted to date again. You deserve better.

Sounds like you'd at least half the tasks you have to do around the house without him there. And that's enough of a reason.

We only have one shot at this life OP. Sounds like you are angry, over worked and miserable. Is that how you want to spend it? Believe me, another 10 years will go before you even know it and nothing will change, except that you'll be that much older.

Thank you all , I really appreciate the replies. I know the answer to all this and what I need to do. People are always saying what a good man he is, whilst I'm completely frazzled. Whenever I speak to him about leaving, he always says that he is working on things and he is going to change and for that reason, I can't leave. I have tried speaking to friends and they say things like 'you are a solid couple,' 'you have been together for so long.'

Op, nobody on the outside knows what your relationship is like on the inside. Only you know the reality.

You can leave a relationship, yes that includes a marriage, at any time for any reason. That you simply don’t want to continue is reason enough! (Wish someone had told me that in my 20’s!)

He is manipulative and saying the platitudes to keep you there, miserable and serving him. Nothing will change.

You can leave because it’s Thursday if you want to.

it’s easier said than done though when you are financially tied and/ or have kids.

I would ignore anyone saying you have to suck it up and you’re too solid a couple to split. What would they know?! It’s not anyone’s place to say that!

You don’t need a reason. You sound done. Thats reason enough.

Absolutely do it OP. Don't be me 15 more years than you down the line dealing with all this crap. Who cares what anyone else thinks. People think my husband is a super star ...he's brilliant at his job and he does volunteer work but he's a completely useless wanker in the home. I'm absolutely fed up and have been for years and haven't got around to telling him that I want out because I know it's going to cause lots of extra work for me.
I wish I'd done it years ago.

Just to be clear, when you say you "can't leave" - you absolutely can, you don't need his agreement or anyone elses's. There doesn't need to be "enough" of a reason to split - it only ever needs to be enough in the sense that if a person wants to leave or has had enough then they can and should. His opinion of that is irrelevant - of course he wants to keep someone around that tidies up after his mess and ensures he doesn't have to do his share of parenting. Doesn't matter what your friends and family think either, they aren't the ones who have to be in the relationship.

He's not going to change otherwise he would have."Good" men or partners don't leave the person they love at their wits end 'unable to go on' whilst they do nothing and then have little more to say about it than "suck it up".

These things happen OP, people aren't who we thought they were, relationships and marriages end all the time, it's a part of life and quite right - nobody is obligated to stay where they are unhappy. Sounds like you would be much happier without him.

Sounds like you’re doing absolutely everything all by yourself already. So you would absolutely survive and thrive if you divorced this waste of space. In fact it would be easier without the manbaby to clean up after.
he is never going to change if his response to his wife burning out is “suck it up” !

OP it’s really tricky when one half of a couple you’re friends with moans about the other half. What are you supposed to say? “He sounds like a twat, I think you should leave him?” Where does that leave them when you don’t, and you both know what you’ve said about their other half?

In a funny way friends aren’t good people to talk to about this as they’re hamstrung about giving you honest and direct advice. That’s why friends - IMO - opinion reach for platitudes like “you’re such a solid couple” and “you’ve been together so long”.

Friends are looking at it from the outside, OP.
It's like showing them the fridge without opening the door.
Good solid fridge, they say.
They aren't seeing the godawful mess inside it.
Only you are seeing that.
And you don't need his agreement that your marriage is over. If YOU have had enough, that's enough. Don't waste any more of your life cleaning out his crap.
He doesn't care enough about you to save you from that day after day grind. That's enough of a reason.

The only reason you “need” to split is that you aren’t happy, the relationship isn’t working for you.

Get him to pay for a cleaner .

I was in your place quite a few years ago, house scrubbed and tea cooked as soon as he was in, I lost my shit, he asked for a list of jobs 😂i was a mum to 4 doing open uni.

I became disabled and he soon learnt his lesson! Admitted he didn't know it took so much. If he hadn't stepped up I would truly have left him.