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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if he’s hiding something?

34 replies

groovychick123 · 13/05/2026 22:33

I’ve been seeing a man since February but I have known him for a few years. We both split from our ex partners around the same time (by genuine coincidence) over Christmas.
Everything has been going well, we’ve had lots of lovely dates together, spend what time we can together. He’s said he thinks I’m his “soulmate” which I thought was a bit forward but other than that he’s funny, caring and I thought we were happy.
We’d had a few drinks in a bar the other night and I posted a photo of us to social media . I don’t really post on mine that much or care about likes but for context it got around 70 likes and lots of “I hope this is what I think it is” “happy for you” type comments.
as soon as I posted it, he went very quiet and the atmosphere changed. He said he was worried it would upset his ex with it being so soon? (What about my ex, we have a DC together!) and he hates SM. He took me home in more or less silence and that was the end of what had been a good night. I don’t think he’s seeing the ex as I know his mum and I’ve seen she’s gone back to London where she was from.

what do you think?

OP posts:
Pearlstillsinging · 13/05/2026 22:40

I think I'd be cross if someone I was with took time out of our date to start posting pics of me on Insta or anywhere else tbh. Did you ask permission to take/post his photo?

WilfredsPies · 13/05/2026 22:42

I would be furious if someone put my photo on social media without permission, so it could be that. I think it’s rude to do that without asking someone first and I’d be asking you to take it down straight away.

Or it could be that you’re one of a couple of soulmates and there’s someone else floating around in the background that you don’t know about.

Or he’s open to getting back with his ex.

Either way, his reaction would make me assume we wouldn’t be spending Christmas together.

Original poster
groovychick123 · 13/05/2026 22:43

Oh yeah it was a posed selfie and I said I’m going to upload it. He’s said I’m his girlfriend and he’s even said he loves me! It was a normal thing for me and my ex to post a selfie if we had a date night etc which is why I just don’t understand the reaction. I kind of feel like he’s trying to hide me.

OP posts:
Confuserr · 13/05/2026 22:44

So he said it was OK for you to post it and then "as soon as" you posted it, got quiet?

Original poster
groovychick123 · 13/05/2026 22:45

Yes, pretty much? I’m not sure if it’s because I “tagged” him in it, or what? It was a case of we’d had a nice night, had a few drinks, took a nice photo so I said I think I’ll post that. It got such such a nice reaction and the minute he realised he was tagged he went quiet and I was really confused I said have I done something wrong?

OP posts:
Confuserr · 13/05/2026 22:47

Yes he probably didn't want to be tagged

Original poster
groovychick123 · 13/05/2026 22:47

He was quite literally sat next to me as I posted it 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
WilfredsPies · 13/05/2026 22:49

So he was happy for it to go on social media until he realised that you’d tagged him in it? And that was when he got upset?

He’s either a very private man and doesn’t appreciate his business being broadcast all over the internet, he’s not ready to go public or there’s someone he doesn’t want to find out about you.

Original poster
groovychick123 · 13/05/2026 22:49

@Confuserr other than his brother and (another) ex of his I don’t have any mutual friends with him on there, so maybe

OP posts:
Confuserr · 13/05/2026 22:50

Yes but you tagged him in it so everyone who knows him saw it, rather than it just being your friends.
I don't think it's that odd that he doesn't want to upset his ex either tbh. It's pretty quick to be seeing someone else (not a criticism) but he might be worried about giving the wrong impression to her and others that there was an overlap perhaps.
Also how do you know about his ex going back to London? Did his mum tell you or did you see that on social media, too?

TheBlueKoala · 13/05/2026 22:50

I would HATE for someone to do this as I don't even have SM myself. Being a private person this would have been too much for me. What is it with this obsession about showing the whole world your private life?

FasterMichelin · 13/05/2026 22:51

That sounds very strange.

What strikes me is that it’s all very rushed. 20 weeks since you both split with others and only 12 weeks together and you’re in love? Like real love? No, sorry.

Sounds like you’re both playing at love but really you’re just dating and getting to know each other.

Slow things down. You have a kid in the mix - how do they feel about mum moving on so fast? I’m assuming they haven’t met him? For all your sakes, there’s no benefit of rushing in deep so quickly, take your time and keep your independence.

Original poster
groovychick123 · 13/05/2026 22:54

@Confuserr Yes, possibly. I guess especially after a few drinks I just thought well if he likes me as much as he says he does and we are official it doesn’t matter if I post a nice photo. But I suppose as you say, people are different about privacy. Him and his mum both told me as she had to wait for a transfer or something

OP posts:
WilfredsPies · 13/05/2026 22:54

TheBlueKoala · 13/05/2026 22:50

I would HATE for someone to do this as I don't even have SM myself. Being a private person this would have been too much for me. What is it with this obsession about showing the whole world your private life?

I agree. The assumption that everyone would be fine with having their photo and their location and who they’re with and what they’re doing all over Facebook is just awful.

Original poster
groovychick123 · 13/05/2026 22:58

@FasterMichelin No, they don’t know I’m even seeing anyone as he’s only 5 so I just spend time with him while my little boy is with his Dad’s or with his grandparents. He’s not even met him. I think maybe you’re right though and we do need to slow things down. I think it’s maybe his words that are confusing me as they don’t match his actions if that makes sense. I mean it’s absolutely fine and it makes sense to take things slow but he talks to me like we are serious but actually shows otherwise.

OP posts:
Confuserr · 13/05/2026 23:00

I don't think it's necessarily that "his words don't match his actions". It's normal for people to behave one way in private and not necessarily want that same side of them broadcast online for hundreds of strangers to see.

FasterMichelin · 14/05/2026 10:21

groovychick123 · 13/05/2026 22:58

@FasterMichelin No, they don’t know I’m even seeing anyone as he’s only 5 so I just spend time with him while my little boy is with his Dad’s or with his grandparents. He’s not even met him. I think maybe you’re right though and we do need to slow things down. I think it’s maybe his words that are confusing me as they don’t match his actions if that makes sense. I mean it’s absolutely fine and it makes sense to take things slow but he talks to me like we are serious but actually shows otherwise.

No one can love someone within 12 weeks. How can he love you presumably just 5 months after he’s been saying he loves his ex? Hes throwing around words without truly meaning them. Like he wants to simply recreate what he’s just lost with his ex.

Taking things slow doesnt mean it wont grow into a lasting and loving relationship. It just means youre more likely to feel genuine love and the slow pace will allow you both to gradually grow in the relationship without all the drama that comes with rushing things and acting rather than meaning.

Frumpitydoo · 14/05/2026 10:35

Trust the actions not the words.

Ablondiebutagoody · 14/05/2026 10:51

I wouldn't want to be dragged into your attention seeking behaviour, so would be cross too. I'd probably knock the relationship on the head.

StephQ1 · 14/05/2026 10:56

I would be furious if a partner of mine did that. I don’t like SM and thankfully nor does DH. We have never posted a single photo of either of us or DS online and never will. If others decided to do so we would make it clear that it needed to be removed.

Other than LinkedIn I don’t think there are any photos of the 3 of us anywhere online. Long may that continue.

SparkysMagicPiano · 14/05/2026 11:14

You told him you were going to post it, but did you tell him you were going to tag him?

DH (of 40 plus years) still checks first if he is going to tag me in anything. As someone else has pointed out, tagging him means that everyone he is friends with with see the picture. He may not have minded your friends/family seeing it, but posting it to all of his friends/family too is a bit much if he wasn't aware.

Politicszz · 14/05/2026 11:17

Grown adults posting selfies online is always going to be a bit cringe - I bet he didn’t mind the idea after a few drinks but woke up the next morning and felt embarrassed by it.

BridgetJonesV2 · 14/05/2026 11:17

There was no need for that post OP and I hope it doesn't cost you the relationship.

Social media relationship announcements are for teenagers. Not adults.

Iaeve · 14/05/2026 11:20

I mean if this guy can’t communicate decently with you over this then it’s a bit shit isn’t it. Why couldn’t he just say ‘please don’t’ or ‘it’s ok just don’t tag me’ ??

Watcher2026 · 14/05/2026 11:22

Luckily me and dh aren't into posting out life online this would have made me annoyed to