AIBU to skip my in-laws' gathering while juggling everything alone?

[Kardelen]

my husband has severe anxiety and depression so has moved out to his mums ( long story). So I am left with two young children who I am caring for primarily, with no support from the in-laws.

my mil called me, saying her ex neighbour is hosting and inviting her siblings over including whole of my in-laws, so if I can make it.
I said I don’t know ( completely forgot I had already made plans with my son, I just said my sibling might be inviting us for my nieces birthday so I am not sure). But she kept saying it’s at 14:00 so implying I should still go.

but I just remembered I had made plans with my son, so would it be weird now?

would you also attend in this scenario? I just feel exhausted mentally, and physically juggling everything.

I feel like if I don’t attend, she will be harsh on my husband and apply pressure on him as he currently is staying there.
But I also can’t be bothered to go and certainly not ready to mingle around a whole bunch of people pretending that I am happy.
Especially when my life is falling apart.
I do know the ex neighbour, and she is nice. If it was only her, I would have went maybe.

Haha this made me laugh, in so long. Sounds like they do want them to perform.
support. Seems like a very distant thing for them. My bil was saying how he has my back, when his mum speaks about me. Not sure what I should take out of this or be paranoid that she acrtally still speaks badly about me … for no bloody reason.

I think that is what she is worried about, that’s why she wants OP there so it looks like they are still united as a family.

This in spades.

How convenient your husband gets to move out away from the stresses of family life, but you don’t have that option do you?

YANBU.

Divorce your wet wipe of a husband

prioritise what’s good for you and your kids

tell your soon to be ex MIL to fuck off. If she wants to see the kids her son can organise that in his contact time.

Your husband isn't doing nearly enough to help himself (and in turn take on his share of the family responsibilities). However ill he is, he owes that to you and his children. If he doesn't start making some serious efforts (like taking the damn meds, regardless of side effects), I'd be thinking about ending the marriage. What's the point of being married if he's never there for you and not even really trying to get to a place where he can be?

And no, you aren't obligated to go to this gathering. Let your MIL react as she chooses. You don't have to care.

This is the best advice so far.
Your husband sounds absolutely pathetic.
Yes some of us have awful controlling mothers who completely mess with our mental health, but we acknowledge this and do everything in our power to fix it.
We cut off the abuser and we heal - we don’t move back in with them!!!! 🙄
As for all the absolute rubbish he spouts about sleeping better over there?!
Just why are you engaging in his Me Me Me attitude? He sounds as bad as his shitty mother.
Tell her (and him) to fuck off, you’re too busy focussing your attention on solo parenting the kids and get a divorce asap.
Trust me you will have such an easier ride afterwards.

No. Don't go. You don't owe her anything and at the risk of sounding unkind, it doesn't sound like you owe your husband much either.

We none of us know how ill your husband is, however I agree he needs to start complying with therapy in some form, because you cannot take on another person to care for without some hope of improvement. If you crash and burn who will take care of you op?

Where is your husband during the day?

You should feel absolutely no guilt about turning her down. If you wanted to (obviously depends on whether you/ your DC would be happy with this outcome) you could go full on passive aggressive: "Oh MIL, so kind of you, the DC would love it and I have been really struggling to stay on top of everything by myself since your DS moved in with you and stopped participating in family life. It would be great for them to spend some time with you whilst I get on with the endless chores at home. Thanks!"

You sound utterly worn out and no surprise in those circumstances.

Stop doing anything that isn’t what you want or your children need.

Especially stop caring about what your MiL says to or about you. You can’t make her understand or make her satisfied and it’s not up to you to.

Lone parenting young kids is hard and I think you should do what suits you as you're the one that's been left to cope. I agree with PP, it sounds like your MIL just wants to keep up appearances and doesn't actually care about how you are managing or she'd offer to help with the kids.

No don't go...you don't want to and that's ok and understandable.
Don't be forced or pressured by other people.
Don't lie don't make a big false excuse.
Just say can't make it im busy that day ... enjoy your afternoon and leave it at that.
Don't do things to please others x

OP this situation with your husband sounds like a nightmare. Sorry but HE needs to do whatever it takes to get back to supporting you and the children.
Ive no idea about your mil but I do have to say she probably didn’t envisage having to home an adult son with a wife and children. Maybe she is trying to keep up appearances, more likely she is trying to get her son to see his own children and wife.
You primarily have a husband problem and I can’t even imagine what your children think about all this. Think hard about what is best for them and also then yourself.
Your mil is the red herring.