Do I have a problem I need to address or is this just parenting a toddler?

[Aurfhbh]

Ds is almost 4. I do enjoy being a parent mostly and there’s never a day where I regret having a child as overall I know it’s something I very much wanted.

I do find myself utterly despairing. The sudden turn into chaos over absolutely nothing. The constant mess. Screaming. Demands. The bedtime routine. I can’t say I enjoy it and cannot for one moment imagine thinking back to the tricky bedtimes and wishing I was back there. I don’t cherish every moment.

I am a single parent and ex has minimal time and no overnights so I wonder if this is impacting how I feel or whether this is usual feelings towards parenting? Sometimes in my head I am screaming at ds…other times I do actually shout, not often but it happens. I don’t know if everyone feels that way.

is this normal? Am I a shit parent for feeling like this?

I think this is quite normal to be totally honest. Do you get a break? Work was absolutely my saving grace at this age. I loved going to work. Plus I took one or two little trips away each year, sometimes work trips for a conference or something or sometimes just a city break solo where I could sleep when I wanted and eat sushi when I wanted and not be watching Blippi. It was honestly getting away from parenting that made parenting manageable.

@mindutopia i think I get a good enough break, usually at least 6 or 7 hours over the weekend when ds sees his dad. Then I also work 4 days which is a break and have annual leave where I sometimes take the odd day here and there.

I feel so so so frustrated sometimes that I just despair. Everything feels like a battle some days, trying to negotiate getting in the car then getting out and so on…

I'm a single parent with a 4 year old and what you say sounds very normal to me! It is hard. I don't cherish every moment, and can't think there will be a time I wish I was back here.

It does get better. My DS has had periods of being extremely difficult, but has recently calmed a lot, and is a lot more enjoyable to be around. It's hard when you don't get a break. Does DS have an early bedtime? Evenings are a life saver for me. I can't go out, but I have 2-3 hours uninterrupted to do as I please, and if for some reason I miss that then the next day is always a struggle.

What you are feeling is completely normal. I think you are overestimating the amount of time you have off from parenting.

Kids are their most difficult on a morning and on an evening and tired. And you never seem to get a break from that. We both work full-time and have 1 five year old between us, morning’s getting ready always a tantrum, and most evenings end up in a tantrum. It is improving a lot, but I can imagine how difficult it must be on your own.

Is there anyway working towards his father, or a family member having him overnight once or twice a month? At least then you wouldn’t have to do every evening & morning. Working, and a few hours on a weekend off don’t make up for being solo parent the rest of the time. You are justifiably tired. I will say, however patronising it might be, it does get better and during the day our son rarely has more than 1 tantrum unless he’s a lot tired.