AIBU to feel hurt about a low key big birthday?

[Sewaccidentprone]

To feel really upset that I only received one birthday card from my friend and no presents?

Last week was my ‘big birthday’. I went to the south coast on holiday for a few days and came back on Sat.

ds1 & 2 are both adults. They messaged me on my birthday, but I’ve not seen or heard from them since then. I know they are very busy, I’ve messaged them and they haven’t replied.

AIBU to feel really hurt?

A zero birthday deserves a bit of fuss
and it’s nice to be thought about isn’t it?
I hope you had a nice day

A lot of people may normalise poor treatment from adult children but I don't think it's unreasonable to expect better.

I don't blame you especially from your own family . They need to do better and perhaps their father should remind them of this .

I wouldn’t expect a present from a friend, but we have a general rule that we just don’t buy each other.
your dc sounds very uncaring though. Has your actual birthday been and gone? Are you sure they’re not organising something for you later if you’ve been away for your birthday?

OP I really feel for you! Your children, no matter how busy they are, could surely have made some attempt to make a big birthday special for you. Do I take it that they didn't even bother with cards, let alone a gift? If that's the case, they should be ashamed of themselves. I really hope that you at least enjoyed your holiday, but would be thinking twice before bothering with gifts or cards for your children in future, assuming that you normally do both of these?

Not sure which way to vote really, as I come from a family where my dc (who are now adults, but it was a 'thing' from when they started getting pocket money aged 7) would always get us something for our birthdays (I rather miss those boxes of maltesers or 1/4s of Thorntons toffee).
You haven't said how much of a 'thing' present giving is in your family.
If it were my family, I'd say YANBU to be disappointed neither child has got you anything.

But I don't think a "big" birthday would elicit more presents unless you own it / make a thing out of it / invite people to celebrate it with you. So, for that I think YABU. You didn't throw a party, or host a dinner or invite people to join you for a night out, so I would only expect people who would get you a card or present every year, to do so for any "big" birthday.

Who did you go away with? Did you have a meal out or something?

So sorry OP. Last time I had a big birthday our car broke down so my inlaws came to give us a lift to my birthday treat. Except they didn't want to go to the place I wanted and they were driving so they got to choose.

I guess it depends what’s normal. When my DDs got to adult age we discussed what would happen going forward. They get me and /or dh a card and gift of around £50 and I spend £75 on them and their partners each

No. It’s terrible for your own Dc to forget your birthday. Very poor. Very low effort.

How do you usually get on with them?

They normally come and see me and bring a lovely gift.

Or ask me what I want - for Mother’s Day they both came round to see me and brought me cheese and crackers (my favorite - yum) and a brilliant card (about how the cat is my favorite child).

I don’t expect anything expensive at all. Not even from dh (who wants to buy me jewellery, but apparently I need to pick it).

But flowers, a plant, chocolate etc

I had a great day out on the day itself - visited somewhere we’d not been before and went for a meal.

And I know you can’t control what other people do, only your own reaction to it, and my reaction is sadness

So, as they are normally thoughtful and normally come round and get you a present, I presume it is just logistics unless you have missed telling us about a fallout.

You chose to be away for your actual birthday, and half the weekend immediately afterwards, which is obviously fine, so they couldn't see you then, so maybe they are coming round this coming weekend, or at some other time that is convenient to them ?

This sounds a bit over dramatic to me.

If you want celebrate with them - I’d say ‘ I was away on my actual 50th birthday- but would love to celebrate it with you now I’m back . Come for a meal at x restaurant on y date and we’ll celebrate then?

maybe your partner could suggest it to them ?

could be a lovely evening.

No fall out or anything.

they were separately popping round to see me before we went away. But it didn’t happen (they ran out of time).

I’ve text both of them a couple of times since we got back 4 days ago and suggested meeting up and checking they’re ok.