How realistic would it be for a family of 5 to live on £1700 a month

[zebradoo]

I really don’t know how we can do it but my daughter is in year three and is not coping with school, it’s got to the point where it’s unlikely she will be able to attend much longer.
Her behaviour at home is getting worse, after school she wees on the carpet, draws on the walls, has hour long screaming meltdowns, is violent and abusive.
She is fine at weekends and holidays but it’s the effects of being in school that will cause this explosion when she gets home.
School have done so much but she simply can’t cope with going to school.
I think our only option would be homeschooling and this would mean living on one minimum wage, it would throw us into poverty but I don’t think we have much choice.

Our rent is around £500 a month (social housing)
the rest would be for bills and food.
It will be really tight but could it be done with careful planning?
I may be able to find some evening work to pay some bills but UC is not an option as I would have to be available for work full time and I need to homeschool and take of of her as there is nowhere suitable to send daughter with her issues.
Feeling desperate.

Doable. Look into local hardship funds, food hubs, clothing swaps, community centres.

I lived on a very very tight budget for a time as a single parent. Our local community centre had a weekly food bank where you paid £3 and got 3-4 days' shopping. They also did free community meals and weekend kids' activities.

Look up what help you can get locally.

Not doable at all, it will be a miserable experience financially.

Its different for everyone
Assuming you have robust evidence it should be ok.

Yes I had a letter from the school which I included.

Might it be worth carrying on working a while more, purely to save up and pay for a private assessment and potential ND diagnosis for her, and that may make life easier when/if you have to quit working? It might open up some benefits to keep you afloat.

As there is only a few months left in the school year could you keep working for now and try to just live off the 1700 and see how it actually works before doing it?

Look into other schooling options.

Your local authority has to have a written local offer which lists the services available to children and young people with send.

https://www.wellchild.org.uk/get-support/information-hub/send-local-offers-in-the-uk/

would another school make a difference or is it any mainstream? If so it may be worth speaking to her school about extra support and things that will help.

does she have an EHCP?

Have you applied for an echp for the the council are duty bound to provide her with an education that meets her needs. Self refer to early help for support.

I will look into it thank you. No she doesn’t.

I'd say it would be impossible if I'm honest. I'd be looking more at getting an ehcp and trying to get her into a special school that can support her.

This may not be helpful but worth a try. On coming out of school give her an immediate snack. When she comes in from school have her bedroom in low lighting with soft music. Get her to lie down with a weighted blanket and her favourite soft toy to cuddle. Give her plenty of time to unwind quietly . Keep the other children away and let her enter family life very gradually.
It would be great if school could do a little wind down session for her before ending time but without a diagnosis they may not agree to that. I hope they are fully aware of what happens when she gets home as that is very common with autism. They are seeing her at her best so may not be pushing for assessment as not seeing the urgency.

I don’t think £1700pm is enough, sorry.

Personally I wouldn’t deregister and EHE. It is often easier, although not easy, to get support when DC remain in the system. Crudely, at the moment you are someone’s ‘problem’. If you EHE, it is easier for others to sweep DC’s needs under the carpet. That doesn’t mean you have to force DD to attend if she isn’t able to though. If DD is unable to attend school, request alternative provision. Under section 19 of the Education Act 1996, the LA has a duty to ensure compulsory school aged DC unable to attend still receive a suitable full-time education. Alongside this, request an EHCNA. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use. The benefit of an EHCP is that it can provide far more support than the vast majority of people can afford to fund themselves.

Some have to appeal for DLA, but not all, so it isn’t a foregone conclusion that you will have to. At the moment, timescales for new claims aren’t 6 months.

You can request social care assessments. A carer’s assessment for you and an assessment of DD’s needs. On their website, Contact has model letters you can use.

Apply for UC anyway. Firstly, with DH’s earnings you would be in the light touch group. Secondly, UC can use their discretion not to apply work related conditions if they are satisfied it would be unreasonable to have any.

If you do need to do this, can you look for an evening job once your husband is home, until DLA is awarded (if you are entitled)? Restaurant work, hotels, Amazon delivery driver etc. There may be options for additional income you could look at outside of your husband’s hours.

I'm not sure why everyone is ignoring this but @binbagdress is correct - a family member was in a similar situation and the wife wasn't required to work because her husband was over the couple's earning threshold. She is now home educating both her children.

Everyone is commenting based on your original post but with the UC above, it should be much more manageable.

I suggest you try living on just your husband’s salary for a couple of months before actually quitting your job. Put all your salary into savings.

then instead of quitting right away, use that money to bypass the queue and get a private evaluation.

You may still be forced out of work. Parents with special needs children often find it impossible to work. However, your child needs real intervention. Homeschool is a short term fix.

This is the age when my dd started melting down. We got an asd diagnosis.

Not everyone is ignoring it. I said OP would be in the light touch group. That is what it is called when someone is over the (in this case couple’s) administrative earnings threshold' (AET) but is in the all work-related activity group.

Once DLA has come through it will add £164 for lower rate and £514 for higher rate, you will also get £209 carers element added.

Not necessarily. The £209 carer element is only if the DLA includes HRC or MRC. If it is only LRC &/or the mobility component, the carer element doesn’t apply. Although if OP isn’t awarded at least MRC she should appeal.

This FB group (image might take a while to be approved) has really useful info on flexischooling and how to approach it with your headteacher. ❤️

It'll depend on the rest of your outgoings and your expected lifestyle (but on that salary I think you need to manage your expectations!). My mortgage is £600 and with other essential bills, excluding food, petrol/bus fares, my bills come to £1250 a month. I wouldn't fancy supporting 3 people on what's left from £1700 a month.

It isn’t based on a diagnosis, it’s based on the care needs, apply, her needs are definitely extreme in comparison to her peers.
Best of luck, it’ll help you out with expenses while you work things out.
If you can afford any private reports, occupational therapist assessment is the cheapest option and will highlight a lot of areas, print out correspondence from the school, ask the GP to fill in the medical part. The more evidence you can gather the better for DD.

if you can get middle rate dla (around £400 a month) you automatically qualify for careers (£84 a month) and you could apply for uc too . I don’t think there’s the same pressure to return to work if you have a disabled child at home that you are caring for.

Start your EHCP application asap.
Don't wait for the school ,get it filled in and sent of .
The lea have a responsibility to provide a suitable education for your child .
Don't decide to home school her ,unless it's something you really want to do .
Are you on the waiting list with CAMHs for diagnosis?
Keep ringing them to push them ,and keep notes in a diary of how she is after school and what is happening at school .