To wonder why it’s suddenly ‘us’ and ‘we’?

[SoSoSoSickofthis]

I have a friend of around five years. Our sons are at school together. I would say we are close friends.

I am divorcing my emotionally abusive ex. I don’t think I’m imagining this but she seems to be using ‘us’ and ‘we’ more and suggesting her husband comes along to meeting up more now. It used to be that we would meet up alone often.

AIBU to notice this and feel a bit odd about it? I like her husband but he’s not my friend in the same way.

I might be over thinking it but wondered if others have had similar things?

No thats weird its bad enough when friends bring their kids or pets along let alone their partners.

Maybe her DH doesn't want her going out alone with you now Op. It's daft but some men think a newly single woman will be flirting with men and his DW will get dragged in, you'll be an evil influence.
I'm sure you're far too busy and overwhelmed to bother with another man just yet but people can be strange

I've just typed out almost exactly this and then saw you'd beat me to it.

People can be odd. It could be this is coming from a well-intention place: she's said to her DH 'oh, poor SoSick is getting divorced' and he's said 'oh, that's terrible, we must show her we're on her side' and this is how they're doing it.

Or it could be that she's a little unsure how to relate to you and he there as, if you like, emotional backup.

I would probably just keep repeating that you'd love to meet up just the two of you, or you'd love a proper heart-to-hear with her, or whatever, until she gets the message that what you miss is your friendship with her.

Thanks. It changes the dynamic. But then I think may be that’s what she needs. I know I am not at my best at the minute.

I can’t imagine that. He’s very easy going. I really like him. And no, the last thing in my mind is a new man!!! Never again.

Maybe they want a threesome?

Tangent but I assume you mean pet dogs rather than guinea pigs or budgerigars?

Yup, you're single now. Some men get funny ideas about that.

Or they're after a thruple.

I'd ask her why and say you like the time with just her.

Are you talking a lot about your problems and situation? It maybe that she doesn’t want to hear it or always be your support, so she thinks bringing a third party will bring it back to social?

Yes. Like let's go for a walk around town and get a coffee. Turns up with dog. So can't go in shops together then sat trying to have a conversation when having coffee and constantly being interrupted by dog jumping all over the place.

I'd leave it for a while, still be friends but not see or contact so often and when you do, be relaxed and casual.

This will pass. You will adjust, so will your friend.

If you need to vent, do it here.

Good luck.

Maybe they do it intentionally because they just want to meet up for a coffee without being dragged into shops? 🤔

Could her husband coming along be completely unrelated to your situation and something to do with them?

My friend started bringing her husband along and it was because he was having panic attacks when he was home alone. They only told me a few weeks in. They'd not been telling people at first because he was afraid of admitting it in case people thought less of him.

He's much better now and we've reverted to just meeting the two of us.

But even dragging a dog to a coffee shop isn't needed. I just don't understand it, its like she wants the dog constantly with her like a security blanket but then gets irritated with the dog for acting like a dog and jumping about and barking and growling. Like just take your dog for a walk or to a field. Then meet friends.

Is it an attempt to make your meetups more light-hearted?

My best friend went through a really rough divorce a few years ago, and there were a lot of long nights in the pub where the bulk of the conversation was about it. That's if it was just the two of us. If DP came along, then the divorce wouldn't be the leading topic of conversation.

There's two reasons your friend could be doing this. Either it's altruistic, she wants you to have a good night out and more people might make that happen, or it's selfish, because she's finding your nights out are bringing her down.

Maybe she worries about your ex. And her partner worries your ex could find you and an abusive situation could develop.
So many stories in the news about exs doing fatal things to their expartner.
She probably just wants to stay safe!

Well of course, friends bringing their budgerigars are always welcomed

Perhaps he has more time on his hands than he did and just likes to go out with his wife, perhaps she is making a point that she is happily married, or she is worrying her marriage may break up so is including her husband more to make an effort.