Man child

[Mancity08]

Been with partner 23 yrs he’s 71 I’m 68
Hes really grating on me recently
take today - were having kitchen revamped
I’d got a message from guy to say he’d call tomorrow morning to check sizes again , I told him what time etc and he says “ we’re the customer isn’t it when we say”

I just looked at him . Everything has to be exactly when he can handle it and agrees it’s ok
im the one with anxiety problems!
so I go in the kitchen and measure again (just so guy doesn’t have to come round)
he walked out of the kitchen, left me to measure
I then go checking what company does this big size whilst he for 2 hrs sat there watching tennis

I was getting so angry inside , it’s always ME that seems to does most things . He wants it doing but does f all to help.
I must say he is not at all interested in diy one bit
where I’m the opposite, I will have a go at anything
Because he’s not interested in how tge house looks other than hoover I feel everything then falls on me because he knows I can’t just sit there and leave it.

i know we’re getting older but that’s all he wants to do in the daytime is go for a bloody coffee !!
He goes tennis 2 week and could say the rest of the time he’s on his mobile looking at shit

please does anyone else’s partner do similar??
I suggested a couple of jobs he could do he turned around and said
write it down on calendar or remind me
Its like I’ve got a child , having to tell him
where things are, show him how to do it, describe exactly where or what something looks like 😡🤦‍♀️
If he goes to shop I have to say
what isle it’s on, what it’s near, how much
or he’ll come back without something because he got side tracked !
He goes to the shop EVERYDAY, I’ve lost count how many times and said we go once/twice a week only. Talk to wall

how do I handle a man child

Why is this a problem now? What was he like in the previous 23 years?

Why are you still with him? You don't seem to like him very much.

He wasn’t as bad it’s since he’s got a phone phone & iPad , he’s on it every opportunity

I still had to initiate things to do with house or nothing would get done left to him apart from hoovering and dishes
He does the things HE wants to in the house not what needs doing.
it pisses me of that he has never cleaned the toilet regardless of how many times I have mentioned it
say I’ll do it tomorrow- never comes

why am I with him
Because I still have deep feelings for him
he’s kind, we laugh together and get on

it’s the not seeing what needs doing, having to be reminded
i just give in end up doing things myself then I build up anger .

If HE wants things doing, or changing, then HE deals with it. You need to step away.

I don't understand why you cancelled the workman considering the workman wanted to measure up prior to doing the job. That's just bloody stupid on both of you.

Edited because we cross posted. He is NOT kind. He's controlling your time and your energy while doing exactly what he wants to do, ie nothing.

INeedAnotherName

I changed the workman so not as to cause a big argument as I wouldn’t be there for most if it as I have an appointment at hospital and need to get ready and get there

why is he controlling my time & energy ?
mum not being an arse - just can’t see it and need someone to say why

He will only do certain house things and I have trouble understand why he can’t see or know things need doing
bedding- when mentioned washing he will say
is it that many weeks - I purposely leave them until I can’t stand it because he hasn’t bothered washing them
windows- never cleaned them ever in 23 yrs
dusting - only when I’ve lost my shit with him

Am I just a nag ??

Answer his demands with a question -

'why would I need to write it on the calendar?'
(So he can explain whether he's incapable of remembering, or if he'll try something different

'what was the point of that statement/how do you think that was helpful' re the workman

How do you not know how long the sheets have been on/what makes you think it's ok to sleep in dirty sheets?

What living standards do you think are acceptable? Etc etc. Ad finitum.

He's either saying this stuff to get a reaction or to feel like a big man, so take the wind out of his sails. It might be a habit he's not even aware of until it's reflected back to him.

YANBU about nearly all of it obviously. I think you have to just not do the stuff he wants you to do - leave it to him.

I like his idea re trades coming when the customer wants though! Brilliant idea. “Come to do my bathroom, I’d like you to come at 10 am please.” “The hours for this job are 10-6”. Perfect! No more of this “we’ll be there at 7 am” nonsense- to then leave at 3 on a multi day job!