To ignore my toddler

[wantiton]

My toddler (nearly 3) will repeat a certain phrase over and over until it’s meaningless. For instance she wanted a light turned on and said ‘mummy put light on’ fine; I did so. But it’s like it gets stuck in her head and she won’t stop saying it and then getting upset no matter what I do with the light.

It’s very draining, I’ve noticed if I ignore she eventually stops and just cries then stops.

feels mean ignoring her but I am so drained by her

I don’t ignore mine but I do say, kindly but firmly, that eg I’ve put the light on and I don’t want to talk about it anymore, right let’s build a train track, read a book etc - redirect his attention. If he’s really stropping if I’ll offer him a hug and tell him he needs to take a minute would he like to sit on the sofa quietly till he’s feeling calmer.

I don’t appreciate him or anyone else ignoring me so it’s not something I’d model but I don’t respond with what he wants to demands or shouting etc.

Ignoring isn't parenting her despite it working, she's just learning that mummy can't or won't help with her. She is struggling with this communication, you need to teach her it isn't acceptable and why, teach her how to say thank you and how to end a conversation.

Have you tried repeating back what she says to you? That works with mine, he had communication difficulties and he likes me to repeat what he has said.
Is she trying to communicate something else? In that example did she want to turn the light on herself? You could ask her to show you what she wants or could try pictures to communicate.
I wouldn't ignore her if it leads to her crying. She could be repeating it because she needs connection and interaction so ignoring that will not be good for her.

Does she normally speak in repeated phrases like this? Could she be a gestalt language processor?

When she says "mummy put light on" without being satisfied by you actually putting the light on, she may mean "I want to put the light on", or she may mean "I remember when mummy put the light on and then something else happened, i want that to happen again".

Echolalia is a normal part of speech development in kids. Changing the subject, distracting, silly/funny resposes.

It's also worth thinking about autism if it persists.

I don’t think ignoring is fair; also is hypocritical as I bet you spend a lot of time wanting her to pay attention to you! I’d repeat it back so you acknowledge jt but then try and move her onto something. Making her cry isnt fair

It's fine to ignore her, but tell her before you do so. You say: "You're just prattling now, so I'm going to ignore you. Go and find something better to talk about"

As her some questions:

What can you see out of the window?

What's granny's dog called? Is that a good name? Would there be a better name for it? Excellent suggestion! Why?

What's the best flavour of ice-cream. Why?

Conversation is a learned thing.

Mine did that at that age but I just repeated the phrase back to them & they were happy. They needed to feel heard to stop.

Repeat it back to her

my son does this - he has autism

Just reply, “Mummy’s put the light on”, and if she says it again, say, “It’s already on, now let’s find a story/toy/colouring book” - she’ll soon get the message. Toddlers are usually very easy to distract! Don’t ignore your child: it’s not kind. If she’s getting upset, maybe she does the repeating thing because it’s got your attention - you need to find something else that will stop her doing it.