To think a lot of adults are not actually kind, they’re just conflict-avoidant?

[PoliteNotKind]

People confuse niceness with goodness. Avoiding confrontation isn’t a virtue.

Ok

🤷🏻‍♀️

Standard 'AIBU to think these people suck'.

So boring.

I agree.

A post created because OP had one instance where a specific someone met the hypothetical.

AIBU to think people who thrive on confrontation are a PITA?

You can be kind and conflict avoidant and you can be unkind and conflict avoidant. The two don’t necessary correlate or not correlate. I’m not overly kind unless the situation arises, but I love peace and harmony and most conflict isn’t worth my time. I’m very zen. That shouldn’t be taken as kindness because I will kick ass if I need to.

The 19th century writer William Hazlitt had a similar thought OP:

"Good nature, or what is often considered as such, is the most selfish of all virtues; it is nine times out of ten mere indolence of disposition."

Sounds like something you’ve pulled from a crap fortune cookie.

I don't think it matters. If in the end people don't behave like a dick their motivations are irrelevant really. What matters is the outcome.

Agree with you!! There is a selfish reason behind almost everything imo. I realised this when my MIL who ‘just wants to help’ everyone but has spent her entire life falling out with people (because she doesn’t respect their boundaries) told me she does everything to try and help people. I realised that anything kind she does, is to make herself feel good. And then I had my epiphany that actually pretty much everything works like this. I think a genuine ‘good deed’ out of pure kindness, is quite rare.

"Be most excellent to one another"
Billandted

I think you're partly right.

I'd say being conflict avoidant is a virtue and it's also a kind thing to do. It doesn't necessarily mean that everything you do is kind or that you are a kind person in other areas of life.

Depending on the type or level of conflict, avoiding conflict can be healthy if you feel better for it.

Is this about someone specific who has pissed you off?