To think work trumps volunteering?

[AnnaQuayRules]

When the DC were small I worked PT so did more of the housework and the "life admin" stuff. I went back to FT when our DC went to secondary School and ever since then we have split household chores pretty evenly.

DC are now adults and have flown the nest. DH is older than me and has dropped his paid work to 3 days per week. However, on one of his free days each week he volunteers at a visitor attraction 45 minutes away, which he loves. He's there 9 - 4 so almost as long as a working day.

Our dog developed a limp over the weekend, no obvious injury but he's unhappy/possibly in pain. DH said he would take him to the vet when he got back if I could get an evening appointment.

I rang the vet, they can only fit him in this afternoon before DH gets home. I booked the appointment and rang DH to tell him he'd need to leave early. DH asked why I couldn't do it.

DH's volunteering is not a supervisory or ratio/numbers role. Think volunteer gardener in a National Trust property rather than a tour guide with bookings. Leaving 2 hours early would not put anyone out apart from DH who loves the job.

As it happens I don't have any meetings this afternoon so I can take time out to take the dog. However, I'll end up working late to make up the time.

AIBU to think that, in these circumstances, work trumps volunteering? I think DH should accept that, with 2 additional non working days per week, he needs to take responsibility for stuff like this where possible. Or should I accept that volunteering is equally as important?

Does he not care about the dog? Surely that should be his top priority.

While you have a point, I think your attitude is off. "I booked the appointment and rang DH to tell him he'd need to leave early." Why do you get to tell him what to do? A conversation about the best options is surely better than you telling him what he has to do. It's not that volunteering is equally as important, its about you assuming that you can dictate what he does becuase he only volunteers.

@ColdAsAWitches because, in my mind, it's a no brainer that he'd leave a non-essential volunteering job early rather than expect me to take time out of my working day. Which is why I was asking if I'm being unreasonable in making that assumption .I'm prepared to be told I am!

YANBU and id be ringing him back saying a meeting has just been arranged so you cant take the dog. Its not great he didnt just say he'd take the dog.

Just another useless tosser who thinks he can side step any life responsibilities 🙄

@Megifer that's unfair. Over the weekend he did all the household stuff including deep cleaning the bathroom. He does his fair share, as I said in my OP. But I do think he should be coming home to take the dog to the vet.

Youre right I am sorry I was a bit harsh. I read your OP literally within minutes of getting a message off a friend about her useless tit of a DH shirking life stuff as well as my DP not putting the lid on the sugar canister properly (again) meaning I spilled sugar all over the kitchen floor, and I wont lie I just saw the red mist 😂😂

I think you are being unreasonable and dismissive you are seeing your husbands volunteer time as not important where people rely on him to turn up and do his allocated hours , so.it wasn't the wanting to take the dog to the vet you did it without considering and organising around.the organisation and your husbands time, i would be furious if my husband treated me like that.

I think paid work should definitely be prioritized over volunteer work. Volunteer is exactly that, volunteer. He doesn't have to be there to get paid. He needs to take care of priority issues like a vet appointment while you're working. He was fine putting you out with having to leave work than make it up later. No bueno, dude.

Seems like the OP wanted to get her dog seen to asap as he's in pain and took the earliest appointment they could give her. She has already said people don't rely on her husband and he's not letting anyone down by leaving early but she would have to make up her hours if she was the one to take the dog.

Yea tbf i wouldnt even think to check with DP, id take the appointment as it would be a given he's the one to finish his non essential unpaid volunteering pastime for our dog if she was in pain.

I think YWBU to just assume- better to check first. But the basic idea that time-critical paid work takes precedence over non-time-critical volunteering isn't wrong.

You are a bit U for booking it at a time inconvenient for him, did you check with him?

I agree he should prioritise the dog.

Your husband is an arse for not putting the dog first. How uncaring and selfish. Poor dog. Hope he’s okay, 🤞

Honestly I’m with you because actually as you’ve shown the poor dog is the priority and you’ve done the leg work and now your DH can do the last bit. The volunteering is a bit of a red herring, he wants you to do all of the organising and bringing of the dog while he works a shorter week. Can he not do the last two hours on his other day off?

I couldn't ring the vet until after DH had left this morning as they weren't open. When I got through they offered me an appointment for mid afternoon - we've just got home. DH won't be back until nearly 5.

When I worked PT I used to volunteer one morning a week in the DC's school - listening to reading, sorting out art stuff etc. If one of the pets had needed to go to the vet I would have absolutely seen it as my job to do it rather than. DH having to take time away from his paid job. I would have said to the teacher that I wouldn't be able to help that morning, or that id have to leave by 11am rather than 12 or whatever.