AIBU to be frustrated my partner ignores the puppy boundaries?

[PeanutButter21]

Me and my partner got a new puppy around two weeks ago, I already have a dog that I got on my own before partner came along nearly 5 years ago.

Things have been probably more difficult than I expected because my first dog has always been so easy going from day one, but nothing out of the ordinary for a new puppy situation.

The main issue that I am now having is actually with my partner and the fact that he isn’t listening to anything that I say. The two main examples are;

My daughter (10) is struggling a little with the puppy jumping up and biting (again, normal behaviour but not pleasant to experience). I normally have the puppy on a long house lead when I’m doing things around the house so that I can pull her away when she gets too close to my daughter and to prevent the situation from occurring rather than trying to fix it afterwards. Of course, there are times when my daughter is happy to sit with her and that’s absolutely fine too. When my partner is in the room supervising, he just lets her jump up on my daughter and then huffs when my daughter reacts (my daughter has pushed her away a couple of times this has happened and I have dealt with it).

My older dog has also struggled a little bit with his world being turned upside down by the new puppy, but slowly they are starting to turn a corner and he tolerates her much better now than the first couple of days she was here. I manage this by removing the puppy if she is getting too much for him, restricting her access to the house regularly (during naps mainly) to let him roam freely and to let him have a room to escape to if he needs it. I walked into the bedroom this morning to find the puppy climbing all over the older dog whilst he was laying in his bed, whilst my partner was almost actively encouraging it.

My partner doesn’t seem to comprehend that these boundaries I have put in place is to ensure everyone’s safety but he just doesn’t listen to a word I say and it’s like looking after two children and two dogs at the moment!

AIBU?

You are definitely not being unreasonable, your partner is behaving very badly.

He needs to be respectful of your daughter's and your older dog's needs, and of the very reasonable boundaries you have set up.

Does he usually work with you to reach agreement on any given issue? Or just do whatever he feels like doing?

I think you need to have another conversation with him regarding boundaries, why you've set them up as you have etc, then see what happens.

In general, he has a listening problem and I find myself having to repeat myself again and again with asking him to do or not to do certain things.

A silly example; when he sorts the dry washing out, he often mixes up mine and my daughter’s clothes (I am quite a small person). I have asked him time and time again if he can check what’s dry and whatever is dry, to leave in one big pile and I will sort it out. He still continues to do this every time which then makes more work for me when I can’t find anything.

Obviously though, this issue is much more important because the stakes are much much higher than clothing.

Think you may need to re-home him, the puppy will be easier to train

Keep the dog get rid of the incompetent male.

Ok, so I know the ND thing is often suggested on MN as a possibility, whether appropriate or not.
However, having spent over 20 years working with SEN teenagers, I am respectfully wondering if your DP does actually have some kind of ND issue.

The alternative is that he just doesn't care about doing things the way you have asked. Hopefully it's not that!

Definitely sit down at a good time (when everyone's calm, no time pressures), explain why it's really important to agree rules and boundaries around the new puppy and the rest of the household. Tell him it's important for the puppy too, to have a consistent approach from everyone.
When you've agreed them, write them down. Put them somewhere easily visible, eg on the fridge.

He will probably need reminding initially, but hopefully over time he will do it without reminders. It is like having another child, but just keep repeating 'this is what we agreed, please do it'.

Maybe tackle the other issues later on, just focus on the puppy for now.
But when you do address them, do it the same way.
Calm talk, agree the 'rules', write them down.
Remind every time, until he just does it.

Good luck OP, enjoy your new puppy!

He sounds utterly crap.
What you are doing will result in a good relationship between your daughter and the pup. As well as between the two dogs.
His? An injured child and an injured puppy.

Have you thought about cage training?
For your partner, not for the puppy....
He's definitely not helping and sounds like he's not that helpful generally....