How do I change my life

[mentora]

Hi,

I don’t know if I’m just restless or have been brainwashed by social media on the idea of a typical life, but I feel so unbelievably stuck and unhappy with my current life. I know I’m taking everything for granted, as I should be happy I’m able to live alone and work and be able to wake up everyday safely, but I feel so drained everyday with waking up, going to work and coming home, repeat. I have hobbies and enjoy reading, the gym and see friends, but recently I’ve wanted nothing more to move away and just start over, but I don’t know how.

I’m in my early 20’s, do not have children and rent, so I have relatively little holding me down. I don’t have a uni degree as I withdrew from my studies after my first year, however I am eligible to go back to university via credit transfer. Do I return and try to do a year abroad? It feels like a step backwards. My original plan was to study online part time, but I just keep thinking that I’d have to stick with this routine for the next 4 years and I can’t cope.

I went travelling a few months ago for about 10 weeks, so I imagine this is having an influence. I’m so trapped. I’m sick of just this corporate life, everything feels so meaningless and I’m struggling to care at all anymore at work, which my managers are definitely noticing.

Sorry, a bit of a vent. Just need some advice

I felt like this at your age! it's normal to find the reality of full-time work a bit soul crushing. I would absolute consider a new city or a new job or going back to university or more travel. Do whatever you can!

I would start by not looking at SM if you think this isn't be skewing your view on things. Don't compare your wallet life to carefully curated snapshots of others' lives when their entire life is likely to look very different to the brief snippets they are creating to monetise their imagined life.

Then I would write down all the things you do, all the things you enjoy and all the things you want your life to look like.

What are you actually happy with? What would you realistically want to change? How could you make those changes? How realistic are they?

Don't base what you want your real life to look like on what you see on SM though. Be inspired if you like - there's nothing wrong with that, but be aware that you're not seeing a whole life on SM - the lulls, the boredom, the pressures, the fuck ups. They'll still be there.

I was like this too at your age.

Tell us what your ideal life would look like.

For me, I moved from corporate to working with people fleeing trauma. MASSIVE tick in a life box. I also taught myself to play the guitar and that was The End as far as hobbies went, that's all I have ever done and still do and it made my social life so much better. I also moved to the countryside where people know each other and I made a social circle.

Tell us more about what excites you.

Hi, I would absolutely love to be a teacher abroad. I have my TEFL, but I need a degree to do this in Europe, otherwise I am limited in terms of places that I can work. That’s my ultimate dream, and I would love to try living abroad. I feel so stagnant and stuck for the next few years. 🙁

I was the same at your age so I went travelling and ended up living and working abroad for a few years. It was brilliant! A real adventure and it taught me so much. If I were in your position I'd go and study abroad. Some European unis offer free or cheap tuition for everyone, so it wouldn't cost more than doing it at home. Various countries offer working holiday visas for young people, so you can go and work in Oz, NZ etc. without having to emigrate. The world is your lobster!

If you have TEFL how about considering Vietnam or South America? That would definitely get you out of a rut!

I visited Vietnam in my solo travels, one of the best places I have ever been. Such friendly, beautiful people. I thought I needed a degree though to teach in Vietnam?

Right so you know your goal.

I would say - five years are going to pass anyway (God willing) so why not use them to get your degree?

I worked weekends to pay for extras that I needed - work extra, get the money together, invest in your future and get stuck in - that is what life is for.

And use positive affirmations - they work. Write things down, simple sentences like 'I am going to be a TEFL teacher in Australia' - stick it on your mirror and when you see it you will think, am I? Am I going to do that? What am I doing about it? It will help you take control and see results.

I know of a few people who in their 20s went and worked on big yachts and/or did the ski seasons.

The positive affirmations is really helpful. I know you’re right with the 5 years is going to pass regardless, I think I’m just a bit frustrated on that very little might change from then to now.

I feel like going to a physical university makes the most sense, but maybe it would be a step back from independence as I would be house sharing/may have to move in with parents again during breaks I’m so so torn .

I know that I have to make a sacrifice regardless, but I’m just in this rut where I’m achieving nothing , yet overthinking everything.

What's holding you back from going to teach abroad? Can you do that first and then see if you want to go back to uni after?

That’s very true. Maybe that’s the best route, or just means moving quite far away, as I would be limited in places I can teach without a degree.

Could you organise things so that you can take some time abroad now teaching with a university option lined up for when you get back? It doesn't sound like delaying your studies by a year will make a long term difference if you plan to go abroad and teach at some stage!

Alternatively enroll on a university course and spend your summer teaching abroad!

going to a physical university would probably be quicker than the open university and there would be no need to move back in with your parents as a mature student. I rented an attic flat with a shared bathroom as an undergraduate so I didn't really have to deal with flatmates. If you pick an affordable city you'll have better options housing wise.

As a parent of twenty somethings I can assure you that you are not unusual in feeling like this. It’s a cliché but “adulting” is hard, boring and unfulfilling most of the time until you retire. That’s a lot to take on board especially after having had a period of being able to prioritise fun and being self centred (in a nice way!). Getting a degree will open doors for you in life and in your future career. If you have the opportunity to do this I’d prioritise it even if your living arrangements might temporarily change.

Honestly I am the first to say knuckle down in your 20s will pay dividends. But you haven’t had the years at uni. Your in rent so it’s not like you can easily knuckle down to save.

If you don’t know what you want to do then just go abroad or go to uni. Life is too short. Enjoy! ☺️

I think the fact you can quickly name what it is you'd actually want to do says a lot and is a step ahead of a lot of people - both your age and much older. How you're feeling isn't uncommon either.

There are some countries that don't require a degree for TEFL but you're right that it limits you. Take a look here Teach English Abroad Without a Degree | The TEFL Org

Do you want to return to university? I wouldn't view it as a step back so much as a step forward, as it could arm you with the qualifications that open up the types of opportunities you mention - a year abroad, future potential to live or work abroad etc.

If you're after something a bit more interim you can always look at private and boarding schools, they are often after TEFL workers for summer school programmes.

What do you actually want to do with your life? What's your passion?

At your age I volunteered quite a bit on top of paid work to figure out what I enjoyed and what I wanted to pursue. If you know what sort of thing you'd be fulfilled by rather than a corporate job like you have now, you can start making inroads towards that career. You're at the perfect age to really start exploring different things.

You can do an OU in 3 years. It doesn't need to take longer than a degree at a physical university. There is just the option of doing it over a longer period of time if you want.

The OU is vert highly respected nowadays too. And a popular option as the fees are still lower, if not as low as before.