AIBU to object to grandmother taking toddler to a distant party?

[LindsayAnn97]

Am I being unreasonable about my boyfriend’s mum wanting to take my toddler to a party over an hour from home?
for context me and my boyfriends mum and myself do not get on in the slightest and have spent 6 months not speaking to each other. She consistently crosses my boundaries and makes nasty comments. The only reason I tolerate her is when we take our toddler to see her every few weeks. My toddler is nearly 2 and can’t speak yet, he’s not starting nursery for another 6 months and she said that she’s been invited to take him to a kids party that I’m not invited to, am I being precious in thinking it’s just a but weird?? I just feel really uncomfortable about it, we’ve left her for an hour here and there with our toddler but she doesn’t seem to cope well. For context she is very overweight and our toddler is very fast.. she takes falls and fell over and took the pram down once. So I’m just not super comfortable with it in general, I feel like she doesn’t have the bond or instinct if that makes sense but my partner went ahead and accepted it with out even asking me!! Is there a nice way I can phrase that she’s not taking him? I wouldn’t mind going but she would have a huge problem with it, and I don’t know a single soul at this party….

What a shame another of his friends from nursery or toddler group or something is having a party that day.

It’s really odd that anyone would want to separate a toddler from their parent when the parent wasn’t ok with it. If I liked the GP I would go too, at this age that’s totally reasonable. Would your toddler even be happy without you? What about nappy changes and so on? However since you don’t like her I would say a flat no. If I was feeling generous I would suggest your BF goes - it’s his mum after all.

im also wary of the concept that you, the child’s mother, are not invited. Toddlers come with a parent attached as standard, you don’t need to be invited! They don’t drive themselves to their parties for a good while yet!

Oh hell no. If she can't get on with you, the mother of her grandchild then she doesn't get unsupervised access let alone taking them over an hour away. Just tell her no. Practice using J.A.D.E - that means don't Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain. Just a simple no, but thank you for the offer. You are the mother, you decide what's best for your child.

Never in a million years would I permit this. I wouldn’t care how much your boyfriend’s mother moaned about it. No.

If you haven’t spoken to each other in 6 months, surely the ship has sailed on being nice to each other so just say no it’s not happening?

Those vomiting bugs can be picked up so quickly. Such a shame he’s come down with it now.

Otherwise, “no”.

Yeah agree with this. I have a relative who loves to pick apart any argument I provide in relation to why I’m not doing XYZ so now I do the MN classic “no sorry that doesn’t work for us” and just keep repeating. Much easier .