To think a big reflection is needed?

[Scarletttt2]

I read the post yesterday where the OP was fat shamed in an Italian restaurant, and subsequently left them a review.

She was polite and didn’t attack other posters. However, she received so much abuse about her weight, she posted to say she’d had enough and wouldn’t be returning to the site.

Later on, Mumsnet deleted the whole thread with a message that ‘Strong opinions are fine, but personal attacks are not tolerated’.

This really saddens me. I remember being on here many years ago with an account which I have long since lost and it was such a supportive community.

Do you think it’s a societal thing? Are people just getting ruder, and more brazen? I wish those giving the abuse were banned, rather than the thread taken down.

It’s easy for some people to send hate over a keyboard anonymously, just cowards with nothing better to do

I think keyboard warriors are as they ever were. The internet is a place of nastiness and truly the depressingly honest side of humanity. Everyone, it seems is fucking horrible in and out. The worst are Cowardly dicks,working through their own rejection issues. Anyone else is just bored or having a bad day. (Bored personally)

For some it's because they can be ruder hiding behind a screen but wouldn't say it in real life.

For others it can be because their own life is really horrible so they take it out on others (the main ones imo).

Add in trolls who get a kick out of hurting others or MRAs and it becomes less supportive. All you can do is be one of the many voices trying to be helpful and kind and hope the OP hears the majority.

Ironically some of the threads on the Feminism board are the worst. It is the only place obscenities have been used against me. Defend the minority that gets them raging, even to a limited degree, and you don’t feel safe.

I agree. I am quite upset at the moment about something to do with adult DD and once would have posted on here for advice. But I didn’t because the vitriol, incorrect making of assumptions, judgment and sheer nastiness on here these days isn’t worth it. I would say 2/3rds of posters are reasonable, have empathy and want to offer support, but if you are already feeling a bit shit and vulnerable about something then the attacks can make you feel even worse than before came on.
So I went to Chat GPT, laid out the whole thing to it , we had a 20 minute back and forth and it offered some brilliant tips and reassurance, then spoke to a friend IRL and now feel much better as a result. Not sure I could say the same if I’d have posted on here.

Interesting- I posted a comment about something it turned out I didn’t understand fully, and was corrected with a snippy ‘get your facts right before posting’ comment. I don’t mind being corrected, but that comment was unnecessary. And the poster probably wouldn’t have dared be so rude in a face to face conversation. It’s a shame, to be sure.

You don’t feel safe? Seems a bit much. Just close your browser, surely.

No vitriol here but hyperbole doesn’t help.

someone I know described the vibe here as "that feeling when you slowly realise that everyone in the pub is racist"

Horrible that someone would come here for help and get more crap thrown at them.

Obviously. And one reports them, and they get deleted. But when utterly vile it does feel threatening. Hard to understand until it happens to you.

You need to have a pretty thick skin to post on here for support. Generally, the majority of responses are lovely and there are some fantastic posters on here, but you have to have the resilience to not let the arseholes upset you. Of course when you feel in need of support, you're often feeling pretty sensitive. I would never recommend MN to anyone as a place for support for this reason because my experience is that you can often be left feeling worse rather than better.

I agree with you. I did not see the thread you are referring to, but have seen it on others. Some people are just plain nasty.

Agree! I’ve noticed that generally on here the first reply is a short, snippy one, followed by a few contrary ones and then a massive overanalysis of who did what to whom, often entailing searches on the OP’s past posts or quoting of a quote of a quote and side arguments between posters. It’s bloody horrible, and it never used to be like this.

And accusations of drip feeling if every single aspect is not laid bare in the first post. Yes some posters do do massive drip feeds and it’s annoying and the accusations are valid, but then equally you can sense some posters feel they have to explain every aspect of an issue (creating a very long post ) and cover off all of the obvious solutions that they have already tried using already to avoid an onslaught of unreasonableness!

Any mention of council housing brings out the worst kind of posters.

I have been here years and it’s rarely been the supportive place people seem to think it was

I saw that thread early on so don't know how it degenerated, but in general people are allowed to disagree. No one should be posting here if they just want people to agree with them.

And the awful thread about Tess Daley and Vernon Kay splitting up.

So much joy in other peoples’ difficult times. So much stereotypical vitriol for northerners, northern accents and celebrities.

So many totally unnecessary and untrue suggestions that VK will have another younger woman lined up.

A disgrace of a thread.

It went far beyond disagreement. The abuse was so vile, the thread was taken down.

I think therd is a lot of very unhappy people in the UK just now and they just want to take their frustration out on someone, anyone.
Anyone they perceive as costing the government any money whether it be NHS, benefits, housing are all getting it.

Then they took it down - that was the right thing to do.