To report this..l and who too?

[Moonlightfrog]

Today I was out in town (small town) with my daughters, we were looking around charity shops and a young man came in with his carer, the young man was around my youngest daughters age and was severely autistic, non verbal…l noticed as my daughter is similar. He started straightening everything up on the shelves (books, CD’s etc…). I looked over to his carer and they were on their phone and not watching the young man at all. When we left the shop the young man was running down the pavement whist the carer continued laughing and joking on their phone. At no point did the carer try and engage with the young man, he didn’t seem to care that he was running off. Town was pretty busy, a lot of traffic and people and the young man was just barging past people whilst running. The whole time the carer was glued to his phone. Sadly the carer didn’t have a lanyard or a badge so I don’t know what company (if any) he was working for but he obviously wasn’t the young man’s parent (different ethnicity).

My daughter is 20, Autistic, not very verbal and runs off. We have carers (when we can source them) and my daughter goes out and about with her placement during the week. I would be upset and angry if I knew the person who was supposed to be supporting her was glued to their phone whilst with her. The thought of my daughter not being safe scares the hell out of me which is why we struggle to find carers.

Is there anyone I can report this too? Obviously I don’t know who the carer was and who he was working for so not ideal. I just don’t like the thought of someone’s son being out at risk by incompetent carers.

You don’t actually know whether this person was his carer or a family member. My SIL is a different ethnicity to her child (adopted). You also don’t know if the person is autistic or not. I would assume the man that was with him knows what he can and can’t do and whether it was safe to let him run down the road.

How do you know it was a carer not a friend / relative .

I have seen the carer before with other autistic adults.

The boy was obviously autistic, he was stimming, flapping his arms, making sounds etc….exactly like my daughter does. I interacted with him as he almost pushed me to the side so he could straighten up the books…..then he continued to straighten everything on the shelves. He then ran out the shop and the carer continued to talk in the phone.

I was out with my daughters, me and my eldest constantly watch dd2 when we are out, because like this lad….she runs off too.

You don't even know if the 'carer' was his actual carer, let alone anyone's names or details.

I don't know what you can report and who to.

Wouldn't the only opportunity to do anything here be to speak to the carer at the time?

When you saw the man you believe to be a carer in the past, what was he like with those adults and was he wearing a lanyard on those occasions?

Why did you not say anything at the time?

I really wish I did. I am not good at approaching people but I really should have said something.

I guess it just upset me because this could have easily been my daughter and she’s so vulnerable. I find it hard to find carers for her but if she was in a residential setting or out with her placement I wouldn’t get a say in who takes her out and often they have little training. I would hope that anyone caring for her would be watching her and not laughing and joking on their phone.

And at no time did you say to the 'carer' 'Excuse me but that young man in your care is running down the street and looks in danger'?

Would you have pointed this out if it had been a toddler about to run into traffic? Or would you have continued to simply look disapprovingly at the parent/carer?

Yep

But that's not the Mumsnet way apparently.

Last time I saw him with another young person he was working 2:1 so he was with another carer, they were shopping in Asda. I didn’t notice it’s they were wearing lanyards. To be fair some of the carers that take my daughter out don’t wear ID (only those who work at her placement). He may have been wearing one but it may have been hidden as he was wearing a jacket.

I was watching my own daughter….she has high needs too so obviously she was my priority.

Unless you can identify where the carer is from im not sure who you can report it too ?
I have a 16 year non verbal severly autistic son ,so can understand yout concerns ,but im not sure where you would start in who to complain too.

If you have seen him before, likelihood is that you will see him again. That would give you the opportunity to engage in conversation with him. You could ask if he is a carer and find a way to explain your concerns, doing it in a non confrontational way so that if there is a reason for the way he is acting he would have the opportunity to voice it.

I think it’s important as society that we gently challenge behaviour that doesn’t sit right with us. If he really was just ignoring his caring duty, he needs to know that it’s not right, and that people around him notice.

Unless you know their names and where the carer if from you can't report anything to anyone

But it was a good question that you didn't answer there.

Would you have pointed this out if it had been a toddler about to run into traffic? Or would you have continued to simply look disapprovingly at the parent/carer?

You had enough time to notice what went on both inside and outside the shop.

How would shouting across "Excuse me, he's ran out the door" stopped you from caring for your daughter?

I was leaving the shop and walking the other direction when he ran. I was trying to navigate my daughter across a crossing, there was a lot of traffic, if I had shouted I doubt he would have heard over the traffic and whilst talking in his phone. If it was a toddler I would hope that someone closer to them would have grabbed them. There was nothing I could do from that distance.
I didn’t see the carer once engage with the lad, he was basically keeping half an eye on him and not supporting him at all. I engaged with him in the shop because at first I thought he was alone until I spotted the carer at the other end of the shop on his phone.

When I am out with my daughter I have to watch her like a hawk so she was my priority, shouting or causing a scene would have possibly triggered my daughter to also run.

When I am out with my daughter I have to watch her like a hawk so she was my priority, shouting or causing a scene would have possibly triggered my daughter to also run.
No one will care for your child like you do. Unless you took the opportunity at the time, it’s too late, unfortunately many care givers are underpaid, insufficient training and have strict guidelines against restraining clients, with hands or safety belts, as an example my DSis works on the dementia ward, despite patients risk of falling from chairs, wheelchairs etc, they are not allowed use a seat belt to secure them as it is classified as restraints.
Granted this care giver wasn’t even trying. I see it all the time, carers with clients, not even speaking to them, just the basic care.

Hi OP, you did your best at the time. Not sure why you’re getting these comments. If it’s a small town, the adults with disabilities team may be able to remind carers about use of mobile phones when working. They may even have an idea about who the person is (I worked in a similar set up, I wouldn’t have been able to act directly without evidence, but would have added a strongly worded reminder to meeting agendas and / or sent a blanket email).