AIBU to feel inferior?

[BlinkyBinky]

My child has been going to their new school for 6 months. She is in year 1. In those 6 months, we haven’t had a play date because I’m so embarrassed about my house.

All my child’s friends have the most beautiful houses. They are all very well off, and we really are not. The contrast is very significant.

My child is really missing out because of my insecurity, so this evening, I have text a parent and invited their child round for a play date. The parent is coming too. I am now so stressed. We live in such a rough area, and I’m worried the parent won’t want their child to be friends with my child once they know where we live.

There’s no one I feel I can discuss this with irl, so posting here, as I’m getting myself so down and going round in circles.

YABU to be stressed because anyone who judges you for your house or neighbourhood isn’t worth knowing quite frankly. Try not to worry. Hopefully your little girl will have a great time with her friend, and that’s the important thing.

Well, your child must be lovely, popular and friendly to have been invited to everyone's house in just six months. Thats not sarky, thats genuine admiration.

I think you're underestimating the other families. Youre assuming that they'll look down o your house because it isn't posh, but in reality, most people don't think like that. If your home us clean, warm and welcoming, then it will be ok. If people are weird and snobby about your house, more fool them. Their kids will miss out on being good friends with your lovely DD.

I wouldn't judge someone about the house they live in or it's location.

I hope the kids have a wonderful time together and you two get on well too.

if your house is clean and looked after and you are warm and welcoming that’s all that matters. If they are judging the size then they are not worth knowing.

It's not the house, it's the vibes. Parents want their children spending time with other kids who are wholesome and happy. You can sense this energy when spending time in someone's home. What sort of kids clutter is visible? How strict are the parents regarding mess? How are the children entertaining themselves when nobody is there to see it? How clean are the surfaces and how often do things appear to be used? None of that is related to the size and value of a home.

I've been to lots of homes that were small and cluttered, but the surfaces, floors and kitchen were perfectly clean. There was always fresh food and drink. The walls had decor and there were pictures of the family or things their children made everywhere. You really get the feeling that they love their life there. I always notice tiny details like toy setups that were recently played with, craft projects being left to dry, bulletin boards with lists of things related to the family, pet bowls, sports equipment etc.

The only red flag would be visible grime, dust, uncleaned mess or dirty dishes everywhere. This is obviously a sign of neglect and an indication the child isn't growing up in the best of conditions. Another one is an absolutely spotless home with zero trace of children's stuff in any communal areas. This means the kids are probably banished to their bedroom as soon as they get home and spend all their time out of sight.

This times a thousand. "Never care what anyone thinks, if they judge you they are shallow twats and therefore not worth caring about."
This was advice given to me by my Mum in 1994. I had had an incredibly public nightmare embarrassing incident, that was not my fault, but hugely embarrassing. My very socially upright (and uptight) mother said these words to me and it saved me.

I have lived by this ever since, and equally never judge anybody. As a result, I am surrounded by amazing friends.

Life is short, don't get held back by superficial bollocks.

99% of people don't judge other peoples houses aslong as its clean nobody will think anything of it

THIS. (unless you have a dangerous dog)

I don't think you're unreasonable to be stressed; some people are judgmental, and it isn't nice to be judged. But I do think that the sort of people you want to be friends with won't judge.

On the other hand, could you organise playdates at the park? Or suggest an out-of-the-house activity you enjoy and ask if they'd like to join?