Do you encourage your child and their friends to include siblings?

[Purpleturtle45]

Not sure what is fair/right so looking for opinions.

12 year old son and 9 year old daughter. Son wants his friends round every night to play, we are ok with this, they arrange it themselves, are all nice kids, play in the garden/around local area and aren't any bother.

Daughter is desperate to join in. They play a lot on the trampoline which is hers too so she should be allowed on it. They boys will include her to a certain extent but they are very rough, wrestle a lot etc. Daughter loves this as her friends don't want to do that kind of thing but sometimes doesn't feel appropriate. For example tonight when they were wrestling my daughter was straddling one of the boys! Obviously they are just kids but I wouldn't want my son's friends at feel awkward or uncomfortable.

It's a tricky balance. I don't want my daughter to feel excluded/not allowed to play in her own garden, but I can also understand why the boys don't always want to include her. However, if they weren't always at our house then it wouldn't be such an issue. Do I just tell my son that if he wants to have his friends over so frequently he has to include her too? I don't know 🤦🏼‍♀️

YABU-they should include her
YANBU-they shouldn't have to include her

No that’s not fair, is she not allowed friends round?
you absolutely can’t make your sons friends involve her as much,

No i didn't.
I hated it when my sister had to tag on to my friends.
When there's a 5 year gap, its massive when you're children.

However often by default my two mixed with each others friends as there is only a 3 year gap and friends had siblings similar ages, they all went to the same school, kick boxing club, football practise and lived on the same block and lived in the same neighbourhood, so everyone e knew each other. ( 20 years laterits much the same they drink in the same pub, go to the same matches etc!)

I generally don't, but mine don't have friends over every day so I think that's a bit different because then it's all the time. For us, it's less frequent so it's not so bad one being "left out" and they play together the majority of the time so a friend over is more of an event than if it was daily.
I wouldn't let her in the trampoline with them though, someone smaller with kids that are larger could get hurt easily. I try to have only one bouncing at a time for safety.

No you can't make them play together.

You can fairly divide the trampoline time and restrict number of nights they come over.

Yeah she is allowed friends over but most of her friends live further away and at that age it's not like they can arrange it themselves and get to each others houses so not something that would happen more than once or twice a week.