'Perfect' house or lifestyle?

[MumofCandR]

I have a conundrum. I have a lovely house which we have extended into the attic and sides and rear. We did the work, it's lovely and has everything I want - double ovens, underfloor heating, well insulated, lovely windows, you get the idea. It's a 4 bed and 2 bathrooms one with a shower and 1 with a bath. Large garden that is hard to maintain, lovely views though. We both work long hours and pressurised jobs and I am heading towards 50... Decent pensions. Over 20 years left on the mortgage at the minute . However we still have some loans we would like to clear and a large mortgage, part of which will renew in January 2027 and will likely increase by £100 mth. We could sell and purchase a nice house we like in a similar area but even nicer location close to lots of lovely outside space. It's a 3 bed though and one bathroom with a bath and one toilet. The space downstairs is similar except it has one less living area - which we currently use in our house for the kids games space. And less storage and smaller garden. But - if we move we would clear some loans and the part of the mortgage that's going up in January and be better off by around 600 mth. We earn good salaries but this money would free up options to travel more with our kids, eat out more which we like, save more.... We would also have 50k leftover which would invest in long term bonds. Our kids are tween and young teen. We love the idea of downsizing the mortgage and loans and having more financial freedom but are scared we would regret the downsize.... Has anyone done this, did you regret your move or has it made life better? Any insight appreciated.

We downsized in 2021, due to my disability, we had a large detached 5 bed, family bathroom, en-suite, downstairs wc, double garage. Conservatory large garden front & back. It was a lovely family home for 18 years, but I couldn’t cope with the stairs, cleaning, especially during lockdown without my fantastic cleaner. We moved to a detached 3 double bed bungalow, with family bathroom and en suite, 3hours,from where we used to live. The best decision we ever made, council tax band was E now a C, much cheaper bills etc and less cleaning.

Our kids are older and dh wants to downsize. However, dd who has graduated is now living with us at home. She says all her friends are also back to living with their parents as they cannot find jobs which make use of their university course. When my son graduates, he may very well also come back to live with us.

Until both have launched, I would prefer the space and storage. So we are staying put for now. That said, our mortgage is paid off.

OP, as you have 20 years left on the mortgage and other debts to clear, I can see the attraction of downsizing now and freeing cash to go on holidays. Although my dcs will prefer to holiday with their friends at their age (late teen and early 20s), they will come on two weeks' worth of holidays with us a year. We can splash out more then as it is fewer holidays a year where we have to pay for them. When they are older and having had to budget as students, they value the free dining and better accommodation on holiday and of course family time. So you can continue to make memories with your dcs on holiday for a while yet.

We are in a similar position in terms of house setup. It’s bigger than we need. Mortgage large and if we downsized we would still have sufficient space elsewhere. However what I’ve struggled with is finding the setup I want (admittedly, not need) for when my son is a teenager. At present we have open plan living but a separate living room. We don’t use it. However already when he has friends over that’s where they migrate too. I hope on years to come we will be the house of choice for him and all his mates to hang out because they get privacy from us still. I would love that.

We are lucky though we don’t need the money, so the house is investment long term without the need for cash right now.

We will downsize when he flys the nest properly when he is older which will then mean the next house would be paid off as will inevitable be smaller and cheaper than the current one.

It’s hard to know what’s right without considering your wider financial status also. Pensions etc. If they are really ‘off track’ then putting into that with extra funds will be worthwhile for compound interest for better lifestyle in older age etc too.

I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer. Depends entirely what someone wants from life now and longer term. I’m a planner and I always think longer term, regardless of whether it’s money or anything. My sibling is the opposite and lives for the now, which would stress me out no end.

Good luck with your decision!

I’m not against the idea of downsizing (we didn’t upsize for the same reasons) but there’s no chance I’d buy a house with one bathroom when you have two kids that age, unless there’s room to put one in (and a loo downstairs)

I would definitely keep the bigger house. I think it's really hard to go from a bigger house to a smaller one that isn't as nice, and you could regret it forever.

Kids take up more space as they get older and so do their friends. We are lucky to live in a house with space and in a lovely village, and my kids as teens often had parties, friends to stay etc. Now as adults at uni they come back with more friends and plus 1s, and it isn’t an issue as we have spare rooms and bathrooms. It has at times been very difficult financially, but I would rather skimp on other things and know I had my home. Your home is your lifestyle - your view, your neighbours, being able to have lunch in your garden etc.

They also cost much less as they get older IME as my kids did a lot of activities and clubs when younger that used to cost a lot, and they got part time jobs at 17.

You're investing in that asset all the time and you will have more capital in the end when you do come to downsize later in life or when you die.

In your situation, I’d move. Not having that financial burden is great psychologically. Also, although, of course, 50 isn’t old, IMO, it’s best to downsize in your 50s rather than 60s. Moving is stressful and hard work so better to do it when you’re that bit younger.

For me, the hard decision wouldn’t be whether to move, but choosing the right house, so I’d draw up a list of Wants (eg a smaller easy to manage garden) and choose carefully with an eye to now but especially to the future.

Can you wait just a few years, as your location seems ideal for your lifestyle currently and the house suits you. What about planning a move for when eldest finishes school?

I'd think hard about why you spent so much doing up the house before moving. Presumably it was to address a need, so does the new house deliver that?

We are in the opposite position of having a perfectly adequate house and choosing not to upsize because its a lot of money and while it solves some problems, like more garden space and a few extra rooms, it brings others.

So once you've spent money to move, do you think you'll be happy?

From a place of zero judgement or being patronising, is selling the house going to deliver what you think it will? Have you done the calculations, factoring in all costs, because i think youd have to be selling high and buying low to release the money you want for the life you describe. And the age your kids are at means that things the point in your life where you'll need the biggest home.

We live in a mid terrace 2 bed/1 bath with a super cheap mortgage currently locked for another 4 years. I’m so grateful we do, it’s meant Ive been through two maternity leaves pretty easily, renovated it without taking money out, gone on some nice holidays etc. I’m due back to work in Jan so going to use the next few years to save like crazy, before the inevitable happens and we will have to upsize, and probably over double our mortgage!

Do bear in mind that now is not buzzing in the housing market (although I don't know what area you are in) and also look at how close you are to neighbours in the new place. Potential source of (different) stress. Are you likely to have to keep an eye on elderly parents? Would it suit you to build a granny annexe in the larger garden?

And just coming back to say that you've framed it like its something you're pondering, so i previously offered some pros and cons but if this is simply a case that you've overextended yourself then my advice would be different and I'd say bite the bullet and downsize and make the decision now that you won't get caught up in the new house with ideas of loans to make improvements or you'll end up in a similar position again.

I totally get how easy it is to fall into the trap of thinking the next tweak will make a big improvement and then the next, and then rationalising that it's best to get a loan to enjoy the improvements sooner.

But if you're downsizing, then that's exactly what you're doing, downsizing. Not repeating the process of buying a house and improving it.

Best of luck! Moving is a hard decision x

Lifestyle … always

Id start thinking ahead to long term / retirement

When we moved here, we joked that we'd never need to move. Now stamp duty is so high, im glad we wont need to

I would aim to downsize once the oldest has left home or ideally once the youngest has finished A-Levels if you can hang on for so long financially. If not make the move now-ish. Aim to avoid GCSE/A-level disruption.

Having read tbe thread on when DC are most expensive. I would definitely consider downsizing if your DC would ever consider going to university. Also, if there's an option not to have to work until you're 70 to have to pay off the mortgage I would take it.

Why spend so much money doing all the extensions and now want to sell and downgrade. You are going to pay stamp duty and fees and costs mot good planning. Why so all that work if its not really needed?

If you were in the smaller house then I would very much discourage you from moving up but you are already in the bigger house so I think you need to be very careful about moving.

Moving is expensive. Really expensive. It is not just stamp duty, estate agent fees, solicitor fees, removal fees. It is all the “new curtains as none of them fit the massive bedroom window in the new house” etc that all add up.

We have friends who have done the downsizing thing recently for financial reasons but currently they are not better off because of all the “little things” they needed to make life nice. (Like a new sofa as their old one was so big they either couldn’t open the patio doors or they had to do a limbo dance style shimmy round it at the other end.) They will be better off in a couple of years when everything settles but right now they are not. And they are feeling the pain of the smaller house far more than they expected.

And so much family time has been spent packing and unpacking and de cluttering rather than actual nice time as a family.

I agree with this. Being trapped in huge debt until almost 70 would be awful.

But there’s nothing to stop OP downsizing in 15 years or so when the children are gone. It’s not all or nothing.

@MumofCandR I think if you move you’ll regret it and embark on another building project to make the new house bigger meaning you’ll end up back in the same place financially. You’ll also spend a fortune moving - what’s the stamp duty on the 3 bed.

We are sort of the opposite in that we have a big sum saved after a job change and redundancy, we looked at uprising but honestly it felt madness to spend it on space that we would barely use (spare room for guests etc). So I would day downsize BUT can you "practice" by not using some of the space you have? Or do you already not use it. Could you put a bedroom and bathroom out of action for a week and see what occurs and do a massive sort of the kids games in the extra downstairs room to see what is actually needed for storage and space. I know we wouldn't use any extra space because we manage fine in a 3 bed, and we are now saving that money for holidays and the kids uni fees and schooling. Do take into account moving costs too - stamp duty, removal vans, etc. Plus the faff and stress of it all!

I would just caution and say children can get big very big quickly.

They have less toys around but my 15 year old ds is bigger than DH. We have 22 year old dss still living at home with no plans to move out any time soon.

So we are effectively a family of 5 with 4 adults in the house. Just having that many adults makes the house feel smaller.

Two bathrooms is very useful as they become independent and live to their own schedule.

Nor saying don't do but if you move and then need to move again that will be expensive.

I would be attracted to the lower mortgage, definitely. But whilst I would be happy to downsize, only on having one toilet and shower just wouldn't work for us. Our teens do shower every day and we'd be constantly queuing. Also the downstairs loo has been a necessity - elderly parents, son with sprained ankle, people who come to visit etc etc! Could you add a toilet somehow to this house? My brother put one in under the stairs!

One bathroom is fine - I’ve managed it with three teenage girls and myself in the house! You just get a routine so everyone has a different normal time. We have a separate toilet though which helps!

A three bed will be manageable. Children may stay into their 20’s but they aren’t home so much in general. They go to work, they go out with friends, sleep over at boyfriends/girlfriends etc

This isn't meant as a criticism OP but I think if you are currently living in your dream house yet you also have loans, and 20 years left on your mortgage at 50 years old, then somehow you have overstretched yourself. So if downsizing to the smaller and less expensive house would wipe the slate clean, as someone else has said, I would be very careful not to take on any more debt.

We have lived in 9 houses over the last 10 years of different sizes (thanks to my husband’s job). We have two kids and a dog. Our current house is approx 600 sq feet and the smallest we have lived in. Whilst we will buy a bigger house than this (we are renting whilst looking to buy) it will only be by a bit. The security of investments and no debt is worth more than square footage for us. Also, when we look through the yearly photo books the photos are never of the house but of holidays and adventures - local and further afield.

Everyone is different though and has different priorities. If I were you, I’d have a family meeting and get all the pros and cons down on paper from everyone in your family and make a decision from those. What do your kids think is most important? Do they have places they’d like to travel to or is having room for friends to hang out more important? Hope that helps and good luck.