To think that this fundraiser is strange

[parasolle]

I’d love your thoughts because I find this bizarre and am wondering g if it’s just me ! A neighbour of mine took his life last year . He was early forties and was found out to be having a long term affair with a colleague. His wife also worked at the same organisation. They were all friends and socialised together. It was his affair partners husband who found out and confronted him . He then took his life leaving three young children and a shocked wife .
Thw funeral was unusual I thought. His wife stood and spoke with great adoration for him and placed him extreme t high pedestal as husband and father and employee and local volunteer .
si twelve months later there is a fundraiser for a local charity in his honour .. think mountain rescue… Huge advertising and again massive pedest al placing .
my personal thoughts are that like all cheaters, I find his behaviour reprehensible but to do so with his wife’s best friend and take his own life rather than facing the consequences … I have zero respect for that. His children are absolutely devasted needless to say as are his entire family.
AIBU to think that this’ll s strange and frankly weird ?

I think it’s strange and worth analysis. I guess the wife wants to forget about the affair and remember the good bits? She’s in denial and this might arise again for her in the future

Why so involved? This was someone’s life and is still his widow and children’s…
AIBU to think that this’ll s strange and frankly weird ?. Your thread, yes it is an ghoulish.

‘Worth analysis’ why? It’s not OPs business. You’ve got no clue if the wife is in denial, maybe she just wants to do something positive for her kids

Would his wife not be focusing on the man who was her hudband and fsther to her children Not the affair
Resepctfully putting her own family and feelings above the affair.
Its not an american soap or drama on such a day.
People must of really liked the guy for the charity event.

I think it’s really strange, but not surprising.

You see numerous posts on here where someone claims their DH is an amazing husband and father then goes on to list all the reasons and behaviours that show why they are in fact a selfish self-absorbed shit.

The wife is probably in extreme denial, she will never get any answers or closure from him and this is her way of coping, for now.

Someone was so desperate they took their own lives. 3 children have lost their dad. Likely that a couple have lost their son, people have lost a friend. A woman lost her husband and had to deal with grief and finding out about an affair all at once.
You're no better than an adulterer to sit in judgement in a situation like this. It's absolutely disgusting.

The wife really is intent on keeping up the "perfect family" image for public consumption and to fool herself. I've seen this happen three different times and it was always this ridiculous "perfect family" scenario. It's weird because everybody around knew about their husbands' constant affairs. The hypocrisy of these women is in a class of its own. (And in any case, nobody has a perfect family.)

He's dead. What else do you want for him?
What's worse than taking your own life and being dead?
Can you not just leave him to rest?

He is dead.
What fucking more do you want??

She’s a widow and single mum to 3 kids after her husband cheated and then killed himself, but yeah you jump in there with your judgement and name calling too. Aren’t you lovely.

I totally agree with you.
I hope the OP never has to deal with the suicide of a loved one.
To compare an affair with suicide makes me feel sick!

I agree with you @parasolle

What a revolting thread

People who take their own lives often have very complex situations going on which you will only know part of. I work in a field where review the outcomes of people taking their own lives and I have never seen a case where one single thing has led to someone ending their life. The people they leave behind have to live with guilt and shame that often happens (unfairly) when a loved one ends their life in this way. I mean would you really think it’s appropriate for a child’s mum to say well not only did your dad fuck off and leave you by ending his life but before then he was shagging another woman? Unless you have read the coroners report (which you won’t have done because you won’t have access to it) you have no idea what led to him making this decision. FFS why can’t people show some critical thinking before posting such horrible judgement.

The voting is not correlating with the responses. Why does that happen? Genuine question and thanks for replies. Food for thought.

Please do not assume that this is the way I am thinking.
im trying to understand why there is such a massive fundraiser in his memory considering everything that happened surrounding the tragedy and the ripple effect on so many. The children will of course be told of the tragedy when they are older and hopefully by a trusted adult.

None of your business. This is how she chooses to deal with the grief and do something positive. No-one knows the full story, keep out of it.

I think OP is trying to say that, in view of the circumstances, it’s surprising that the reaction to his death, and the memorial isn’t more low key instead of being rather ott and perhaps rather hypocritical ?

I suspect that they do not want his death to be in vain, they want a positive to come out of it, for the sake of the children especially. I also think lives can be complicated and perhaps this fundraiser will help with “closure” for the wife who perhaps is blaming themselves (even though it wasn’t their fault)

I think you’re right , but can see why an outsider may think as they do.

This is precisely it. Thanks for explaining what Insteuggled to clarify.

Because he was a human being who did something wrong, but in ideal circumstances would not be dead.
An affair doesn't mean he should be dead.
It's really not that difficult to understand.

Who are you to judge how they react to his suicide? They are trying to do something positive by fundraising and you are being critical of that.

None of us are perfect. We are all flawed. I'm sure you are not Snow White.

Because the YANBU voters don’t want to be ripped to shreds like you have been

This is honestly one of the most shitty threads I’ve seen. Nasty, vitriolic and generally horrible.
Bollocks are you @parasolle what then are you referring to re your post “parasolle · Today 12:51
Ok thanks for your response.
ive fucked up plenty but never to that level, no.”
your derogatory “fucked up plenty”?