To think joint finances make more sense once children arrive?

[TheHonestShaker]

Once children are involved, I struggle to see how completely separate finances are always fair - especially given the impact pregnancy, childcare, and reduced earning capacity can have on the woman. I’ve read quite a few threads where splits are technically “equal” but in practice seem to leave one person (often the mother) carrying more of the long-term financial impact. Because of that, I tend to think fully joint finances make more sense in that situation.

AIBU?

Very few people have completely separate finances in a family/marriage set up anyway.
There's a pretty simple solution to this, you work out what your total family core outgoings are, including all basic living costs, nursery, motrgate, bills, schooling, kids clothes. Both parents contribute to a shared pot that covers those costs as a minimum. Contributions should be roughly in line with earnings. So let's say monthly core outgoings are £1500 and wife earns double the husband. She puts in £1k and he £500. This avoids any one parent being responsible for certain fixed costs (e.g. typically and ridiculously often childcare costs are attributed to the mum when she works!). Its very fair. If only one of you is working then one of you contributes the full £1500 per month. Oy can also contribite proportionally to jount savings if you wish. Each adult has their own personal account too, to enable flexibility and some financial independence.

We have separate finances, and children.

We have a shared account we put £x each per month to cover mortgage, bills, childcare, food etc.

We are then free with our remaining money to spend /invest as we like. I have the higher income, I pay the lions share of eg holidays and put a higher amount in the shared pot each month.

We have a good income and surplus cash each month though - which is probably key in the workability of this.

It’s totally dependent on the family set-up I think. It often gets thrown around (correctly!) that statistically speaking women will end up worse off due to childcare/impact on careers, but it’s not always the case.

I’m currently a high earning single mum and it makes me laugh to read this because realistically if I were to get in another relationship and have another baby, I’d likely be far worse off with marriage/joint finances.

I disagree with the first few comments.

that isn’t fair at all.

the only fair way is one pot for everything, and the left over disposable income split exactly in half.

equal fun money.

the ‘% contribution based on salary’ leaves one person with more spending money than the other.

yanbu op.

It baffles me when I hear that people don’t share finances once children are in the picture.

Predominantly it’s the woman who takes time out of work to raise the baby and then ultimately doesn’t go back to work for as many hours as before so they can continue child duties therefore not earning as much.

Why should one parent struggle and worry about money because they are looking after the couples joint child.

When you have a child you are a family unit and a team. One person should not be worse off than the other, everyone should be equal.

In our house all wages are paid into a joint account where all bills and life expenses are paid from and then we are both sent the same amount of fun money to our personal accounts to spend on what we wish.

We have both. Separate current accounts and joint current account for all family finances. Separate savings and joint savings

I think you need both.

A joint account that covers bills, children's things, family savings pot and wages should be paid in to that equitably according to how much people earn. So if x earns more then they pay in more in line with the percentage difference between wages.

So then whatever is left is kept seperate in personal accounts for personal use.

I don’t see this as separate at all. This is very much joint finances surely?

I pay all the bills and then my husbands wages are treated as mine too , it works really well as I don’t earn much more than the bills amount . It seemed daft adding him to an account when he moved in that I didn’t really touch .

9 times out of 10 it’s the woman who earns less because they’re the one who takes maternity and then doesn’t go back to doing as many hours because they’re the one still doing child based duties.

If you live by your way of thinking that leaves the female with pennies left to herself after putting her percentage towards bills and the male left with alot of money for themselves after putting their percentage towards the bills.

why should the female have to live a less than life compared to the male because she’s sacrificed her potential salary to care for their joint child.

I agree.

Our setup is fully merged finances: one joint account, both salaries paid into it and all expenses come from this account. We set this up pre-kids in our 20s more for ease than fairness, and just kept it that way.
You need to trust the other one 100% though, and be on the same page re lifestyle / how much you want to save / etc. But if you do, it is perfect.

We have separate finances. Works for us but I understand it doesn’t work for everyone.

we both earn well, I earn more but it hasn’t always been that way. We’ve both supported each other through additional study and training over the years.
we both pay equally for bills (out of our own accounts). Dc costs we just take in turns (I buy new trainers, next time he buys her coat or whatever).

we both save separately and have investments. I’m very close to my family (nieces and sisters) , he isn’t so much. I like to spend on my family, often treating them to a weekend away, dinner or concert tickets. I don’t always tell my dh im doing this because it’s not of his business. I would hate to have a joint account where dh thought I was spending his/ our money on things I want to.

In the real word, that doesn’t really exist other than on MN!

One pot for us too. I completely get having separate finances when you’re a blended family and need to protect separate kids etc. - but if you’re married and have shared kids surely it makes most sense / is fairest to pool everything? Otherwise you could have a scenario where eg DH has £5,000 leftover for himself each month and can buy new clothes, have an expensive hobby etc - whilst DW only has £50 and can’t even get her roots done.

Yes I do. My husband and I went joint a year before my son arrived, when we got married. It was just always something we thought necessary to do.
we have a spreadsheet which we keep all our incoming and outgoings on, and we know exactly what we have as a family to put away, as well as spend. We couldn’t operate any other way. How do others work out who pays for what? And what spending money they should each have? I think when you’re paying for childcare it makes sense that you both pay it as you’re both working.

It depends. Even on maternity leave I will be out earning my partner and have more assets. So by having kids, taking on the bulk of child care, you still want me to take on financial risk? No thanks.

Fully merged finances with each partner in back out an equal amount as “fun money” to a separate account, and each being allocated an amount for separate savings as well as joint seems to be the best way.

So each partner has some independence and money they can’t be questioned about, but it’s completely fair.

Surely the right way to do it is however the couple decided is fair for them.

We get paid our salary into our own account, put in proportionally of what we earn into the joint account an amount that covers food, bills and a buffer.

The rest of our money is our own. I have children so I pay for everything for them from my own account. I am the higher earner so I am happy to do so. DH is not their dad.

We have one bill account that we pay 50% of the bills/food each into plus another £100 each for things for the kids. Both pay the same amount into a savings account for doing up the house. Then the Rest of our money is in our own accounts to spend/save as we want. So we don’t have totally joint finances but not entirely separate either.

28 years in, 3 DC, separate finances and we're married. Works for us. Do what you want

We both agree on an equal set amount for our own accounts (for personal things that doesn’t affect the other or the kids) and the rest goes in the joint account. One earns more but both work FT.

Not for me. I prefer to be in control of my own finances. The idea of having a shared account, and being allowed a set amount ‘pocket money’ from my own wages sounds awful to me.

I would be open to having a shared account for bills/family expenses that we both pay into each month, but I would never have my wages paid into a shared account with anyone.

But if one person is a much higher earner, then they have worked hard for that money. Why is it unfair that they should get more of their own money to spend?

But the lower earner may work just as hard for their money. Or they may be part time allowing the high earner the freedom from
school runs which means they can stay at work longer, earn promotions etc. If you’re a family unit I don’t think one should have access to more money than the other.