To think people hate being alone because they don’t like themselves?

[SolitudeReveals]

Silence reveals what distraction hides and some people can’t handle that.

No. I would hate to live by myself, but I don’t need loads of people round me. I’m happy to spend time in my own, but I like to know there is someone else with whom I can share the minutiae of the day - the sort of thing you wouldn’t phone someone up for, specifically, but you are happy to tell a family member, like the fact that some bird has sullied your washing on the line, or the irritation of putting something through twice at the self-checkout, or whether it would be a good idea to get a new kitchen bin. Just everyday trivia.

Lol, that's a bit deep OP.

Some people just really feed off of company and enjoy life better when sharing a home with loved ones.

Yes, there will be some people who don't like themselves, but you'll find them living alone and/or living with others.

If you don't like yourself it makes no difference whether you're alone or not.

No, some people are just pack animals and prefer to be with others.

See I love living by myself. Bit then again I have a long term partner literally across the road if I want to chat about small stuff.

I really wouldn't like living full time with anyone else.

I also have a good social life and travel a few months a year, sometimes alone sometimes with a friend sometimes with partner..

Feel it's best of both worlds

I live alone, and I have done for just over a year, and I do get lonely. I have a partner who I see once a week - and he stays over for a week here and there, but on the whole, I am alone and I don't like it. I am OK for a few days, and then I start getting quite low.

My partner isn't in a position to move in with me yet, and I do tell him that the situation can't continue forever because I am not built for living solo. I need company (besides the dogs).

No, I disagree totally. I don't particularly like myself, but I have no issues with being alone.

Don't you go out? Like work and social life. And have friends over

Grain of truth here, i used to hate being alone and also didn't like myself as I've got older I've learned to like myself and no longer hare it.

I don't think it works that way. I've had pretty low self esteem at times in my life. I have definitely felt like I hated myself, but always been happy being alone. When you are alone you don't need to worry about what other people are thinking of you, or how you are coming across. I'd almost think the opposite is true and that people with a high opinion of themselves are more likely to not enjoy being alone.

I think (and am very opinionated so this is probably offensive) that people who hate being alone are weak. They need the distraction of others. I know people like this and they are desperate to find people to hang out with and will call round looking for alternatives if plans fall through.

It’s not an either/ or, though. I love solitude (and I write for a living, so that’s obviously pretty solitary), but I love socialising and company, too, and my friendships are very important to me. Plus I’m married with a child.

Well, surely you could flip that, equally, and say that people who overwhelmingly choose solitude do so because they don’t have the social skills to maintain relationships, or claim to be choosing it because they’re difficult to be around for others, and don’t have many healthy relationships in their lives?

A different type of ‘weakness’.

That is quite possible. Although I do have good social skills and make friends easily, I just don't really like people that much so drop them again and then they're offended. But I think that makes me a bitch rather than weak. 😆😆

Well, I suppose that’s one interpretation. The other is that you’re incapable of maintaining relationships, so your social skills are weak in that area. Or that you drop people before they can drop you, so it’s self-protective?

I work full time, but I work a lot from home and when I am in the office it's just me and the boss.

I don't actually have any friends. I never really have had. It's just me, myself and I.

True extroverts get their energy from being with people and find themselves drained by solitude.

True introverts get their energy from being alone and are drained by being around people.

(It's not about being outgoing or shy, no matter how often it's framed that way)

I like myself. But I need people to feel whole. My daughter is the same. My son's would be happy on their own 90% of the time.

You are opinionated and your post is offensive.
I live alone (apart from my dog) due to being a widow.
I need company - I find it in friendships, but that doesn't replace sharing daily life with a loved one.
There is nothing weak about being sad to be alone.

I hate myself, but I also prefer to be on my own.

I agree with this.
I like being with people but, equally I enjoy time on my own.

I can't identify with people who always need to be with other people or people who hate being with others.

I'm a bit like @Slightyamusedandsilly in that I do think it is a weakness of being human to always/often need other people around. Yet I do feel some sympathy for people like @Indianajet who find themselves unwillingly alone by widowhood.

But at some point everyone in a partnership will become alone (unless they die first) and if you aren't already used to doing everything for yourself and being alone it is much much harder.

Do you ever have an evening when you are knackered and just want to veg on the sofa in your pyjamas and chat shit about the rubbish you are watching on TV, with a partner who will cook tea and bring you snacks, and then go to bed early?

How can that be replicated by going out or having a friend over?

I hear you @Indianajet people are quite sure that if they were widowed then they would never remarry or seek companionship, but just sit in splendid isolation. The data doesn't support that at all.

I keep citing the stats on the protective health and mortality benefits of both loose social connections (in communities) and of strong ones (relationships, good friendships), and of work (depression and loneliness correlated with that) but no-one on here apparently benefits from these things and it's only other people who get sicker, lonely and lose cognitive ability by being by themselves most of the time.

I have lived alone for many years and I have been single for many years. And I don’t have many friends. I’m autistic, which plays its part in why this is my life. I would like more friends, but I don’t really want a relationship or to live with anyone else. I used to have quite a lot of other friends but they all went off, got married and had kids so they all kind of fizzled out after a while. Those people don’t really want single, childless people in their lives anymore, understandably I guess. I am not particularly lonely and I enjoy my own company, but it would be nice to find ‘my tribe’…..if such a thing exists.

But losing a partner doesn’t equate to being ‘alone’ unless theyre literally the only person in the world you have a relationship with. @Belladog1 ’s post is strange to me because it’s echoed in so many Mn posts — posters who say they have no friends, literally, and never have had, but somehow have the inclination and social skills required to find a partner.

If I didn’t work and go into the office every couple of weeks I wouldn’t interact with anyone for longer than a minute for months and months. I don’t always want to go in but I do recognise it’s good for me to do so, and it’s never as bad as I imagine it to be. I do have loose social connections with some of my neighbours and I go to small group personal training twice a week. I don’t really have strong social connections though.