AIBU to sort my mum’s medication and appointments at the GP?

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DM is 79. Needs a lot of support due to health issues. Recently dsis demanded I do more (which is difficult as I work full time, have dc and difficult circumstances).

I said I’d pop in more to see DM and I’d take her to a few appts. Dsis said that I needed to take her to the GP for her blood pressure check, a blood test and a medication review.
Ive seen how many unused tablets etc she has so I thought it would be helpful to go through them beforehand and check what is current and what’s not.

At the appt we went through it all and some things were changed/ removed. Also DM had paracetamol and glucose on there so I said it’s ok to remove them as she has quite a stock building up and going forwards I’ll just purchase them.

Dsis has gone mad about this ??? Thinks I shouldn’t have ‘meddled’ and wants me to arrange getting them reinstated? I’m happy to purchase them once the current ones run out . The amount it would cost for one month is about £6!!!

Now dsis is saying she will get DM to retract the GP consent for me to be involved in her care and that she will find me other things to do not involving medical support .

She asked you to take your mum to a medication review. Does she not understand what happens at a medication review?

Clearly she worries that you won’t buy them and she will be left to buy them instead. Set up a standing order on Boots or Amazon that delivers monthly and send her a screenshot. It sounds like she’s doing more of the care work than you and she’s overwhelmed

It's very common for older people to acquire lots of prescriptions that are no longer relevant for their current health and may actively be making them worse.

This is the whole point of a medication review.

Is there something underlying your sister's behaviour? Jealousy? Guilt?

That’s a strange response from your sister as it would appear that you have done exactly as she asked?
I am a nurse in the community and it is very helpful when families stepping and help with this type of admin for their parents

Currently she has enough of both to last another 2-3 months and I will
absolutely buy more when she’s running low. Yes dsis does do more care but our circumstances are very different and she lives nearer, has no dc and doesn’t work plus has a dh. I’m doing as much as I’m physically and emotionally able to.

Her cupboard was literally overflowing and a lot are medications she no longer even needs so i thought I was doing it correctly to sort it all out. Dsis is furious about the paracetamol and glucose ? I’ve reassured her that DM clearly has plenty and I’ll buy it in future.

I totally understand that and it’s clearly the only way it will work. But this doesn’t stop your sister from feeling overwhelmed and like you’re not stepping up. She asked you to do this to ease her load a bit and so she’s not alone in caring for Dmum and now she clearly feels you’ve added another thing to her list of things to do.

Try to understand her POV. Try to realise she’s worried and overwhelmed not deliberately being argumentative. Demonstrate to her that you are taking over this singular aspect and she won’t be expected to.

She may also be worried about money. So that £6 extra a month when dmum was getting it free is stressing her out.

I’ve made it clear I will buy it. There’s enough for the next 2-3 months and then I’ll get it so she has no need to worry about the money.

But does she believe you? Do you have form for forgetting things? Or flaking out of things you’ve said you’ll do?

Rather than getting them removed and saying you will buy them when they run out you should have just asked for them not to be prescribed for 2 months or whatever until you use up the amount you have

Who manages the ordering of the repeat prescriptions?

Sounds like the typical person who moans and is resentful about doing everything but then another persons standards / way of doing things isn’t good enough.

I think she's overreacting by saying she'd get you removed, but I would also be a bit annoyed by your choice to remove something she does use, even if she has extra. It's the extra work/cost of getting more, which you've said you'll do, but if she's already doing the majority I can see why she might think it could end up falling to her and if she's going to need it, it doesn't make that much sense to remove it.

I thought GP's weren't prescribing cheap over-the-counter preparations now? When I worked in a hospital pharmacy, it was quite common to be given back several bags of medicines that a deceased person hadn't been taking. They'd been filling the prescriptions, but not taking the meds.

I’ve been both your position of the sibling who has less bandwidth and lives further away and also as the one in the front line (supporting different elderly people) so can see it from both sides

i would encourage you to be ultra cautious about swooping in and making unilateral decisions until you really understand all the implications.

i would never have believed how complicated things get for example in prescriptions.

in the short term, prescriptions often get muddled when changes are made and longer term Your GP practice will prefer you to not buy additional supplies of things they can prescribe, so that they maintain the overview of what your mother is taking.

they may well come a time when other medication will be required to top up. The GP really needs to know what the elderly person is taking in order to know when to adjust.

it doesn’t look like that from the outside but believe me when I say I’m been round this cycle several times and it really isn’t as smooth a process as it could be

you may also find that the elderly person resists taking tables which have not actually been prescribed.

if you really want to be helpful, the place to start is to think of what you would do at work if you were taking over a new role.

id expect then you would want to work very closely with the current person in role and only start making decisions once you understand each other better

thrse complications are exactly what makes caring esp for relatives so much more complicated that it might at first appear.

build up confidence with your sibling and all will go much more smoothly in future.

all the best, you are doing a good job in very difficult circumstances

This is what I was thinking too.

You've invented a new job when there's already a seemingly neverending number of jobs to do.

You need to get POA to be able to legally make decisions about her medication on her behalf. A health one.
Power of Attorney. If she has capacity she can sign one to give you permission. If she doesn’t and isn’t able to think clearly for herself it becomes a bit more murky.

The question is have you taken your mum as a one off task and will leave your sis to carry on managing things going forward, so she needs to try and work out the new schedule and what is and isn’t in stock at home; or have you taken on responsibility for this task going forward?

If you’ve “very helpfully” landed your sister with a load of new pill boxes with instructions she needs to figure out and thrown away all the surplus so she needs to order more, I’d say that’s weaponised incompetence. If you’ve given her a new printed schedule of tablets and instructions and have made sure the house is fully stocked with medication then your sister is being ungrateful.

We just had a proxy access consent completed so that I can access online account and go to appts etc this is what dsis now wants to cancel.

Dsis had been and the pharmacy delivered. I got the proxy access in place so that I can do it but though seeing as she had a medication review I could sort it all out for things she actually needs before taking over

Tell your sister to fuck off.

Do what your mum wants you to do.

Could you not leave them on the prescription but just not order them for a few months? I have recently done similar to you as realised my DM was stockpiling some medication. Had a review, revised prescription, I now have access to her prescription details on my NHS App. Hayfever tablets were on prescription list but have just ordered them for the first time this year as she has started to suffer symptoms, so didn't tick the box for the previous months

I’m not elderly but I dm disabled.

I am very wary of medication reviews (and in fact my file is now marked that only a senior GP can do my medication reviews).

this is because even a change in brand of medication can have a big impact on my body. I have a severe neurological disease and a few days of increased tremor/inability to walk/increased pain is a big deal for me.

you mention paracetamol and glucose and a “few other things” - what were the others?

I don’t feel it’s necessary for paracetamol and glucose to be on prescription when I can buy it so cheaply.

Some tablets that she is no longer taking for another condition , 2 skin creams when she has switched to something else but was still getting the ones she no longer uses and they changed a branded inhaler to generic.