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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to ask my husband for a bit more effort

1 reply

Tryanbit · 06/05/2026 21:46

My husband and I have been married a year and have a 9 month old. He’s such a good husband and dad it’s ridiculous. I can barely fault him.

Our sex life up until now was always phenomenal. I’m wildly attracted to him and even after we had our daughter, things were great.

Now I’m back at work from mat leave and for the first time have a child and am working and am more tired at the end of the day.

I’m now realising that he doesn’t actually do any foreplay. It seems to just be a boob or a bum grab and a cheeky comment. To the best of my memory, he’s never done much more than this. I think I’ve genuinely never noticed because I’ve always wanted to tear his clothes off anyway.

I’m now realising I need a bit more effort to get going, now I’m more tired. It seems insane I didn’t notice this before but I genuinely didn’t. He could’ve gotten me into bed with a wink up until now.

AIBU to raise this to him? He’s so bloody lovely and, I guess, oblivious, but it’s starting to annoy me a bit! I’ve started to decline his low-effort offers lately as it’s not really working for me. I’m still just as attracted to him but the tiredness means I need more persuading.

OP posts:
Pepperedpickles · 06/05/2026 22:06

Well you’re not unreasonable, he’s never going to know unless you tell him. Personally I’m amazed you’re still up for it with a baby and working! I couldn’t imagine anything worse. But that’s just me. I found it exhausting working when my two dc were little. (Now aged 13 and 23)!

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