'Still figuring it out' at 25+ Tinder

[chickenandapples]

How can so many men be 'still figuring it out' but when you talk to them they haven't FIGURED OUT how to move out of their Mum's house.

Maybe figure that out first? How are you even having causal hookups under your parent's thumbs? Embarrassing how many men think they can user dating apps as a free hookup app. No thanks.

I have never had to go on a dating app as married but know lots of people who have. Either my DS age range in their twenties or after relationships post divorce, so all post 40

There has been a lot of success on Hinge, two marriages of friends daughters, those relationships are 5 and 3 years. DS and his GF met on Hinge and are at close to 18 months and going to be moving in together soon. Three older friends in their forties and fifties all married. One friend did have a negative experience as he was multi dating when it was agreed they were exclusive but overall positive, maybe try that app.

Two questions please:

• what exactly do you think you're a "victim" of here, and
• what is wrong with just wanting a hookup?

Confused by ‘victim blaming’ in this context too.

Agree with @FinchiePink and @Dozer !
where’s the victim in this?
how is people telling you, you can swipe past someone being “pick me girl”?

it’s like op is not reading the responses and just posts something totally unrelated!

I'm on the fence with this one tbh. A bit like the men "figuring it out" 😂 Depends what the other drop down options were

I do think there are different kinds of people that would happily settle into a relationship when the right person pops up:

1. the ones who have been looking for that person, quite meticulously and methodically
2. the ones who have been enjoying whoever they happen to meet (i.e. not diappointed if something turns out to be short lived, not working to any particular timeline of meeting "the one") but would welcome something turning out to be long term/forever

I was the second kind, and I wonder if men arent all that different...

"Still figuring it out" I would take to mean the 2nd kind. Thiugh I'm not sure ehat the other drop down options were on Tinder?

Nothing infuriated me more on apps, than being called either a goth mommy (I'm not goth I'm emo at least get it right LOL) or even worse, dommy mommy. Pls leave me alone

I would guess that OP is annoyed that she's not finding men in their 20's wanting commitment on a hookup app.

I'd say ditch the hookup app, and perhaps be a bit more pragmatic about the fact that many in their 20's (men and women) might not be looking to settle down just yet. Many people nowadays don't marry til their 30's!

Well what are expecting isnt that what tinder is for people desperate to date?

Is a ‘pick me’ someone who disagrees with you?

But Tinder is for hookups OP 😅 complain when you're getting propositioned on Bumble.
So very glad I don't have to do the apps anymore.

You're considering yourself a 'victim' because you saw some dating profiles from men who obviously want different things from you, on which you can simply swipe left? What are you a victim of, exactly?

You're not a victim of anything. There is nothing wrong with someone wanting hookups if they're honest about it. You can't start trying to police other people's preferences on Tinder just because they don't match your own.

If you only want to see profiles from people who are definitely looking for a serious relationship, Tinder isn't the right place for that. It's a free-for-all and different people - men and women - will be looking for different things, as they have every right to do.

You barely sound old enough to be on a dating app at all, frankly.

Tbf in this economy living with parents at 25+ isn’t exactly shocking anymore 😅 but I do agree “still figuring it out” usually translates to “don’t want anything serious”.

the issue is they're trying to use tinder as a free sex app when they dont even have a place to have sex at!!! cos they live at home!!!, its a dating app not an escorting service. I am not fucking some guy for free im not a fucking charity Jesus the amount of you who think young women should be expected to fuck desperate losers just because they're 'honest' about what they want is so crazy, have we been infiltrated by incels or something

Please could you quote one (just one) post which says "young women should be expected to fuck desperate losers just because they're 'honest' about what they want"?

I think you'll find there aren't any. Because no-one has said that.

I suspect reading comprehension issues are why you're repeatedly swiping right on men who don't want the same things as you.

reported

Haven’t been on a dating app, as found love after divorce with an old friend. BUT, when single I toyed with the idea of them, my mother very helpfully pointed out that I’d only attract loads of “weidos” because of the way I look.

Thanks very much mum 😂

Tinder is a hookup app though. All dating apps are hookup apps because no matter what you put on there - men will still swipe and still try to shag you. I’m on the wrong side of 40 and happily married so I’m not on them but if I ever became single - I’d give it a miss. The “ still figuring it out” nonsense doesn’t ever stop with some of them and I frankly couldn’t be arsed.

yep