To be put off dating (for now)

[sodoffbeforemycupofcoff]

I am a single mum with 2 DC. I can see why people would think I have a bit of baggage as I have a few other things going on behind the scenes too.
I never have free time to date anyway (I could make the free time if I really wanted but I do not).

FYI: my kids are never going be classed as baggage, they’re my everything.
I also think to myself, I don’t want them to see another failed relationship (different dads and my youngest DC has no contact with their dad), also, how can I be truly sure this potential person (who does not exist) is safe to be around my young children? They’re young and could be groomed or manipulated into keeping secrets if you catch my drift? Even if I didn’t introduce them until a year + if a person is dodgie they can hide that. I could do a Claire’s and Sarah’s law, but perhaps they have never been caught? I know this sounds silly and paranoid but I’d rather be this was inclined than a free spirit in the dating world, with children.
anyone else ever thought this way?
I also don’t want precious time taken away from my DC just yet as they’re still quite young (6 and 3).
it’s a gamble. Not one I’m willing to take, if I am honest.

You are entirely free to date or not date as you choose and it sounds like you have a lot on your plate anyway. However, when your kids are a little older you may want to..and its not all or nothing. I've been in a relationship for a decade. We dont live together and whilst my now teen kids know and like him he is not part of their lives and other than the tech and DIY support he gives them theyd not notice if we split up. When theyre grown and flown we'll progress things bit both are happy to maintain what we have now.

I didn’t date for years when my DD was small I just decided to be single and focus on work, career, family and friends. You are right to be cautious for many reasons. I did meet someone when she was about 10 through work we took it slow and been together now 7 years, only just blended houses as his son was off to university.

i think you are very sensible!

I agree that "baggage" is an awful word to describe children and I hope one day society stops using it.

I also agree that given your history you describe your two children would really benefit from mum focussing on kids, herself and her friendships for the forseeable.

Do whatever works for you. Having kids has never stopped me dating or having relationships. But no one I’m dating gets anywhere near my kids until it’s long term. It’s good to be guarded when you’re a parent but don’t let that stop you when you feel the time is right.