Just to preface this, DHs family are quite a complex group of people and I have struggled with their behaviour and decisions for many years. We have our differences but are trying very hard to rub along together now grandkids are involved.
Months ago BILs girlfriend was ranting to me about them, saying they are so unreasonable and unfair, other SIL is the golden girl, she is really pissed off with them etc etc and I listened and basically said “I’ve been there, I hear you, they aren’t rational and you won’t be able to make sense of a lot of their behaviour. I find it much easier to keep a bit of distance between us and things have been much better between us since I started doing that”. There was also another time when MIL had made excuses to not come see us and BILs girlfriend turned up and gladly told me that MIL had lied and the excuse she had given us wasn’t true, she was actually looking after her other grandson. I was frustrated and said it felt like she was favouring the other grandson, and I felt annoyed she’d lied to us.
For a while now I’ve felt like I’ve been getting the cold shoulder from DHs family, his DB and SIL don’t speak to me and his other DB has also changed. It all came to a head and it turns out BILs girlfriend had gone back and told them all what I’d said to her and they are now all furious and think I’m “against the family” and think they favour the other grandchild (which I stand by, but I was never going to go and cause an argument about it with them!)
I messaged BILs girlfriend and basically asked what on earth was going on, and asked why she had told them what I said. I got a complete holier than thou response, stating she’s just an honest person, she doesn’t want to talk about people behind their back, and she’s only repeated what I’ve said. She says it’s not her circus, not her monkeys and she doesn’t want to be part of the family drama.
I can completely see why they wouldn’t like my comments, and in hindsight I probably shouldn’t have said it, but in the moment I felt like I was telling her I’ve been through the same struggles with them and understand. AIBU to think she’s actually stirring the shit and has added to the drama rather than avoiding it?! Or should I accept that if I want to talk about DHs family, I should be aware it might get back to them? I know what I did wasn’t right but I can’t help but feel she has made things much worse while claiming to be above all of us monkeys!