To think is this weird

[peachybums]

Is this weird? Sorry it’s long I just don’t want to miss anything out.

I’ve been with DP for 25 years. We have three dc. Great relationship no problems. DP has a friend who has lived an hour away throughout our relationship. He goes to see him or he comes to see DP 2-3 times per year. They just go for a few drinks and get last train home.

I used to go now and again and have a couple of drinks, say hello etc and we’ve always got on well. 5 years ago friend got married and we were both invited to the wedding. Lovely day, met his new wife and she was really nice. Since the wedding I have not see wife again but we did add eachother in a book app as we have the same taste in books. We chat there most months about books and get on well. All good

last night DP told me he was thinking about seeing his friend. I said this was a good idea and seeing as I haven’t seen him or wife in a long time I might come and we can have a catch up. DP looked horrified and said ‘no don’t make it weird’ I said what do you mean? He said he’s my friend not yours and I think it would be weird you two coming.

A few things to add. Wife doesn’t usually go on nights out either because she’s messaged me before telling me she’s in whilst they are out finishing xx book. They are definitely out together as we get sent photos of them in the pub. I’ve never got the feeling friend doesn’t like me or doesn’t want me there before. If he goes out with his other friends I don’t usually go as most if them are single. Not a case of DP dancing wife or anything like that I don’t think she’s soooo far away from his ‘type’

is this weird? Or does he just want a night out with his mate?

Sorry that should say fancying his wife haha. He’s not dancing her (well I hope not)

Not weird at all. He just wants a boys night with his friend.

I think it's a bit weird. It's hardy unusual for a night at the pub to include partners. I'd be hurt by that reaction if it was my dp.

Given that in the past you used to go along occasionally it seems very weird that now he sees it as a problem.

Me being of a suspicious temperament I would be wondering why they are deliberately sending you and his pal's wife photos of them in the pub. It sounds like establishing an alibi and I woukd be wondering if only part of the evening is being spent in the pub and the rest of it somewhere else.

Not weird at all. You met this friend’s wife once on her wedding day, five years ago! Why try to turn this into some kind of couples night when your husband wants to just see his friend?

It's not weird to want a night with your good friend. But can't you travel over and have a night with her, separately? I would've suggested this if I'd been your DH.

"I'm going for a drink with X" is different to "let's meet up with X and Y"

My DH is friendly with partners of my friends but if I've arranged to see my friend for a drink and a chat I probably don't want our DHs there too. It changes the vibe.

I’ve never got a weird vibe about it to be honest. He will send me a selfie when he’s out with his other friends/ brother, sometimes he sends me a thumbs up selfie at work! Haha. Not unusual behaviour

Yer I get what everyone’s saying, I know he just wants a night out with his mate. I think it’s the severity of the reaction and more that it’s never been a problem before

You can't say it's never been a problem before, because you met her once at her wedding. You have never actually been out with her. It's completely different to when you used to be three people out, not four.

If he only sees his mate a couple of times a year, I say just let them have their time. If he saw him more regularly, I would expect some of the times to include you and/or friends wife, but it does change the vibe and I don’t blame him for wanting a night out with just his friend to be honest!

What first came to mind is does he use your dh as an alibi and you might blow his cover?

Something about the OP made me think Brokeback Mountain.
Not even suggesting that. Just a strange association of ideas.

Sometimes you just really fancy a catch up with your mate, rather than making it a double date.

I'd be equally keen to say no to DH if I was seeing a friend I only see a few times a year and he wanted to come, don't take it pers, people are allowed to have lives and friends outside of marriage surely?

I had a similar thought.
Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.

I'm not sure about this, as when my husband has been going out with his mates and I've said (jokingly) that I might go too, he's said I'm more than welcome!
I reckon he just wants a fellas night out personally.

Hahaha this made me laugh. I don’t think it’s that, I think it’s more he wants a night out with his mate to talk about films, cars and what sci fi is on Netflix.

The subject came up again this evening. He mentioned he’d arranged a night out and I could come if i really wanted but it’s only the pub (and rolled his eyes). I said it was ok and wasn’t too fussed and he suggested maybe a bbq when the weather was warmer? So I really think they just wanted a blokes night out

Yes his reaction is weird because normally it’s fine so why not this time?

I'd look horrified too if my DH wanted to come out with me and friend, why would I want him to come when we're just meeting up for a chat and a laugh? We're not joined at the hip.

This. Do it separately. But don’t encroach on his established lads’ night

Blimey some of the suggestions on here are so over dramatic. Your H is perfectly entitled to meet up with his mate without you. It feels an odd dynamic that you some times decide you want to go too and they just have to accommodate you even tho it completely changes their night.

If you want to meet up with his wife or as a 4 then arrange it dont jump into his plans.

There's a big difference between a catch up with a mate, and a couples date out together. I think he's worried about it setting a precedent. I think the idea of arranging a BBQ for all of you at a different time is a lovely idea. Let him have his geeky sci fi man time

It'll be that your husband doesn't like his friends wife.

I have two best friends, we probably see each other every couple of months due to distance. I sometimes took DP, friend one sometimes took her husband, all good.

Friend 2 got married a couple of years ago. Great, we're very happy for him, I was best man, chuffed to bits.

It's not that I don't like his wife. It's just that even 4 years in, I don't know his wife. She is the quietest person on the planet. ( Im not exactly a social butterfly, so not throwing shade here)

We've tried including her, drawing her into conversations, asking her about herself. She just barely talks.

And it makes it weird when we go for a pint, to have this observer, listening to everything we say without joining in. So I've stopped inviting DP, friend 1 has stopped bringing her husband, just so that friend 2 doesn't bring his wife.

It's a shame, but at this point it is what it is.

So did your DP send you a photo yesterday of his friend and his friend’s wife in the pub?

So if you would meet a friend your dh would come as well @peachybums ? I would have been miffed. Let them have some time alone and you can see your friends as well. It changes everything when someone brings a partner.