AIBU to feel overly anxious and rigid about budgeting and savings?

[Handsfreeme]

I’m a 30 yr old mum of 2 y/o twin boys.
DH works FT, I work 2 days a week and the twins attend nursery those 2 days.

I am very good at budgeting. I have a 50k savings pot and many different pots for 2026 ranging from birthdays to travel to house or car pots.
We have our own house and cars and my DH takes care of most of the bills.
I now look at my budgeting spreadsheet nearly daily and scrutinise every purchase, even though I can afford it and make sure to save 30% of my PT income every month.

I was never this rigid, I am really type A but I want to stop stressing this much about my budgets and pots. It’s like my spare time just revolves around it

Are there any tips for me to not get so anxious and stressed about this

It’s making you unhappy, and saving is starting to drive your life rather than facilitate it.

The set up you have is sensible- the pot systems work well- but it shouldn’t need daily attention.

Are you using your savings effectively, are they invested etc?

I'm nowhere near as well off as you and I'm a lot older but I also, obsessively, look at my budget and savings on a daily basis. In some ways it gives me "comfort", knowing I'm sticking to my rigid budgeting and savings plan. Dh and I have had a lot of ups and downs with finances over the years, mainly due to health problems and just plain bad luck. I'm now in a position where we are just OK financially, we have enough to pay all the bills and have a modest but decent standard of living. I think I'm so obsessive about checking my budget/savings as I'm frightened of getting in a mess again and it gives me a sense of security to know we are still keeping our heads above water and also have a small safety net.

Live in the day. None of us know what’s round the corner

I vote stay rigid. I've seen what happens when people decide to "let loose a little".

You're doing well.

As for being less anxious and stressed about it, that doesn't come from being less rigid, or being less organised, or being less thrifty and wise. That comes from... not being anxious about it.

What are you worried about? Is it making sure you stay within your budget? If so, why so worried about it? Is it difficult? Why? Is there not enough money coming in?

Ask yourself these questions, get a solution, so you can change what needs to be changed and relax.

Sorry, I've just seen that you are looking for tips to reduce anxiety and stress over this. It seems to me that you are extremely good at budgeting and you really have nothing to worry about on the finances front (you have a great pot of savings). Maybe just try and limit yourself to checking your spreadsheets to once a week?

You need to understand why you're like this, and address that. You know, intellectually, that you don't need to so it's your emotions making you do this. Address those and you'll be on your way to chilling out a bit more.

Do you have access to your DH money too? I found I only became like this when my income was restricted - it was a scarcity mindset. Like because I wasn’t earning as much as I used to I had to ensure I was safe and secure. Even though I had money if needed.

Honestly, I think part of this comes from working and earning less. I became the same when I became a SAHM.

In terms of advice, I would hard wire in things like fun days to your budget, so you are still living life and enjoying yourself now.

I found doing "stress tests" helpful, i.e. how would we cope if DH lost his job, or if mortgage rates went above 5% etc. Knowing for example which subscriptions would we cut and how much breathing space we'd have helped me manage my worries.

I also think regular chats about financial goals and strategies with DH is useful. We started this when we took on a big renovation project and it felt like every week there was a 4-figure bill for something or another. We have carried them on. Making sure we are on track and have a good sight of upcoming costs helps me feel confident and prepared.

But I also think too many people are too flippant about savings. 50K is great, but we all need really good pension pots, potential money for care, uni funds for our kids etc. Saving now is helping future you.

Take comfort in knowing you are doing what you can do. Try to be philisophical about not worrying about things that you can't control. And limit checking your sheet to once a week.

I think you are confusing cause and effect here. It's not that checking and budgeting causes you anxiety. It is actually the other way around - you use obsessive budgeting as a way to manage your existing anxiety. Focus on dealing with that and the problem will solve itself.

I think you have done amazing to build up such a solid savings pot! If you put it in to perspective, you have a safety net if needed should you have an unexpected curve ball in life. I too had the same 'worry' when I went PT...however, if you live within your means (which you sound like you do) and budget each month, what is there to stress or worry about, really? Try to think to yourself each day, I know everything is fine and so theres no need to check.

Reassure yourself and try to set mini goals! I also find other things to think about if this happens. For example, would your energy be better spent researching the best value savings account for your money?

Also, if you feel like your thoughts are overwhelming, it might be worth getting some counselling or talking therapy to try and help with your mental wellbeing.

And also, not to be negative, but I sometimes think that tomorrow is never promised so live in the moment a little.

I check mine everyday too but it doesn’t take long, I can’t see a problem here really. It’s sensible

The richer I got the more I paid attention to a budget. Weird really.

I enjoy counting my beans. 💵

I don't think you are wrong for your efforts. I think the daily obsessive checking is probably just a symptom of how out of control the rest of our lives can feel and it's better to be doing this than say dieting or standard OCD behaviours.
But it also doesn't seem to be making you calm and happy so it's not working...
I think you need to stop worrying about your habit and start thinking about what would work for making you feel less tense. I know people knock meditation apps but they can be really useful.