I've been around pubs all my life. My dad liked a drink and so do I. I part own a sports bar now.
Back to the op. Spoons is great. Why? Child friendly, woman friendly (more about that later, disabled friendly with accessible loos. Tim Martin sells cheap beer...but also supports local brewers and niech producers. The food is consistent and he's actually imposed a rule that it has to go from the kitchen to the table in a set time. The staff are relaxed about people buying just the unlimited refill coffee and sitting for hours.
Now for the problems with pubs. There's the national problem and the local problem which, in my view, can be boiled down to shite landlords...you know the type my pub, my rules. Which leads to regulars who rule the roost and be treated like honoured guests when someone popping in get treated like dog shit. Hence the fact there are many pubs that are not female friendly. It's the shit landlords that have dirty pubs and expensive drinks. And who don't seem to want extra customers
The other problem is actually CAMRAs (the campaign for real ale) fault. Back in the 80s ghf breweries owned most of the pubs....so they sold that brewery's beer...they were still designed to sell beer. CAMRA lobbied for that to change, breweries were no longer allowed to own more than 2,000 pubs...so pub companies were formed....they see themselves more as property companies. So they sell leases, but you have to buy all your beers, wine etc from them. So I can buy a barrel of 88 pints for £130, £1.47 per pint. Those landlords are paying £150. £1.70. They have no choice. And in many cases, if they start doing well then the lease goes up a lot at the next renewal. So you end up with decent landlords leaving and people who don't have a clue, but always wanted a pub. Or the shite landlord who pander to the regulars worried they go elsewhere but missing the big picture.
So pubs are stuffed...even worse younger people don't drink!!
So op. I understand what you are saying, but there will be a pub for you. The town i live in has bucked the trend with 7 new bars opening in the last 25 years and only one closing. But the offering varies from a spoons to a cafe bar to craft micro brewers to traditional country pubs to ones with spectacular views over the sea. Traditional pubs where mobile phones are banned! To trendy tapas bars. Oh and our sports bar.
You need to try a few more and at different times. I like a more mature afternoon, early evening drinking crowd personally