Would you allow an 11yo to pick up 8yo from school?

[cadburyegg]

My 11yo starts secondary in September and is excited about the prospect of being able to pick up his 8yo brother (who will be in y4) from school once a week when he would normally go to after school club.

I had agreed to this in theory but I am suddenly unsure. My 11yo is responsible but 8yo is quite young for his age and can be silly.

Primary school is about 20 min walk from our house / 10 minute cycle ride. We live in a quiet village but drivers can drive too fast on the road to our estate.

thoughts? When did you allow siblings to pick up from school?

Parents do really need to just pay for after school club and stop trying to find ways to save a few quid. I’m not saying that’s you OP but there are a lot about who do it - trying to “WFH” with small kids in the house, sending too young siblings to collect, allowing children below yr 6 to walk home alone or take public transport alone.

It needs to stop!

I think it's fine. But, where I live, many children walk or take the school bus, without their parents from age 7 (2nd grade). At age 10 (5th grade) they are allowed to walk younger siblings to school (with their parents' written consent). It's like the UK was when I was growing up in the early 1980s.

Nope

Where I live my 8 year old does this journey by herself (10 minute cycle).

I never left mine alone togetber until the younger one was responsible enough to look after themselves. The elder one should be free to pursue hobbies, do homework, or just slend time meandering home with friends instead of making the school bell.

No issues with it. Very common at our school. Also kids of any age are allowed to walk home

Our primary school insists on an adult being there to collect the children.

Lots of schools would have concerns about this op.

on a personal level, I’d allow it but I’d want to do some trial runs with me at home waiting and I’d definitely want to be sure the 8yo knows the way home.

the problem will come when it fails - so your 11 yo is late because he’s playing footy in the park on the way home with his mates - what will the 8yo do then? If you are at home and a phone call away and the 8yo has been taught to go back into school and ask for help, fine (although school won’t like it) but what if your 8yo decides to walk home alone?

in addition I can’t imagine your 11yo is going to want to do this for very long. He’ll want to wander home slowly with his mates nattering about the school day etc etc.

Most primaries will refuse to hand over a child to anyone other than an adult

My kids are similar ages and I wouldn’t agree to it, despite my youngest being very sensible. I don’t think it’s fair to either child or good for their relationship to give one child authority over and responsibility for their sibling like that. It’s the kind of thing that will be fine 99% of the time, but when it goes wrong you’re putting a still young child in a difficult position of being responsible for a difficult and silly younger sibling who won’t see them as having the authority an adult would.

Thinking of school run situations I’ve had this year with my youngest - would your 11 year old be ok to deal with, for example, younger child tripped, skinned both knees badly and was bleeding, screaming and crying and refusing to move? What if they argued and younger child stormed off in a different direction? Will your 11 year old be ok to judge road crossing and safety not only for themselves but with good awareness and consideration of their sibling?

Our primary school also wouldn’t allow it - only yr6 can leave without someone over 16 collecting them.

It never gets as far as a legal challenge. In over twenty years working in schools I’ve seen numerous parents challenge schools and it’s very quickly accepted by most HT’s that their “rules” are actually “recommended guidance”.

Only on one occasion have I seen a school steadfastly refuse to allow a child to leave alone and referred it as a major safeguarding issue and that was part of a much bigger picture.

Schools don’t actually have the right to overrule a parent saying a child can leave alone. They can allow a sibling not to collect in the way an adult would, but if the parent allows their child to leave school alone and is then met by a sibling they can’t prevent that.

It’s an area where many schools rely on parents a) not realising they don’t actually have the right to dictate that and b) not wanting to rock the boat

That said I wouldn’t leave an 11yo in charge of an immature 8yo.

theres not enough of an age gap for the older child to have the authority to deal with silliness imo.

I think that 16 or older would be fine for a school pick up.However younger children would not be safe I think .If any cars were going too fast or people hanging around would be best for an adult to be present

No i wouldn't based on your description of the 8 year old. A silly 8 yr old is a lot of responsibility, especially one who probably wouldn't listen to their older sibling.

But even if I did most primary schools have a policy of 18 and over for pick ups. Have you checked yours?

Depends on the rules - i would (and did) trust my then 11yo to accompany her 8yo sister out of a after school club - but the rules were 8+ can leave alone (if parents sign a form) but 'collection' needs to be 16+ (if parents hadn't signed the independent traveller forms)

Happens quite a bit in my DCs primary school. I think it’s fine.

Another here whose primary wouldn’t allow it. They’ve actually rang a parent before and told them they have to come in and collect the two of them, older child was 13, younger 9/10

I think it would be tedious for the 11 year old if the younger child started to play up, and that's not very nice for them.

Age wise it should not be an issue. My DD's school will allow an 8 year old to come home alone so long as there's parental permission; lots of schools would allow children in years 5 and 6 of primary school to walk home unsupervised, so an older child collecting is neither here nor there. Obviously it must be different for schools where there are real concerns about, say, very busy roads nearby. But in this situation, it doesn't sound as if there's any issue except the risk of the younger child playing up because his sibling is there.

What happens if you issue dire warnings to the 8 year old? Make the situation conditional on something they care about? I think I would want to do the first time as a trial, with a very clear understanding that if there's any messing around, the 8 year old loses the privilege of going home early with his sibling.

But it's not a reasonable approach to safeguarding to have a blanket ban on any group, it needs to be more nuanced than that. Unless there are specific concerns, the child should be released. After all, if I tell the school my friend Jon is collecting my daughter today, they have to accept that - it's not their place to question whether Jon is a trustworthy adult.

Would the 8 year old listen to the 11 year old and do what they say? Such a close age gap could be an issue. That said, most 8 year olds walk alone or with friends here, even the very silly ones. Only you know your children, how they behave with each other and how well they follow instructions and those are the main things to consider.

Not if the younger one is not sensible.
20 min walk is too far if the younger one is being unpredictable.
11yo and a well behaved / sensible child yes.

Our school won't allow any under 16's to
collect

As others have said, we have similar age kids and our primary school will not allow anyone under the age of 18 to pick up kids

Will someone be waiting for them when they get home? The pickup and walk home is possibly ok but they can’t be at home alone for any longer than about 10/15 minutes.

Why?