I don't know why I have come here to write about this but I feel that I can't vent about elsewhere, so here goes.
My dad was extremely abusive to me and all of my immediate family growing up. My mum kicked him out when I was 6 and we had a bit of contact after that where suddenly he knew how to be a (somewhat) decent person; would take me out for breakfasts on weekends, give me pocket money, etc.
As time went on this dwindled, and at first I was a little sad as it felt that he just didn't care very much about me, but I was quickly quite glad as I was getting older and knew he was just a complete disgrace of a human being.
Present day, we have pretty much no contact at all, besides the odd text where he will ask how me and my kids are (he has never met them by my own decision), or to ask a general question. However, since a child, and to this day, he has never remembered mine or my sister's birthday and it fucking annoys me so much. It was my birthday 2 weeks ago and nothing from him. It still hurts and I seriously wish it didn't, I don't even really celebrate my birthday beyond gifts and a cake, so why am I still bothered?
More than anything what pisses me off, is that every year he texts me weeks later asking me when me and my sister's birthdays are. Surprise surprise, he's just shamelessly texted me asking me, again, another year in a row, when is your birthday. I replied with the dates and he responded 'whoops, sorry I will sort it'. Is this supposed to be good enough? Should I be annoyed about this? I feel like I shouldn't be, and consciously have accepted he is not a part of my life and doesn't care, and every other year I haven't reacted this emotionally.
I don't know why this time it's just bothered me. Part of me wants to just block his number and move on, but there's that child in me almost still longing for the father that I never had, yet I'm fully aware that if I did have one, it would be him and the mess that he is. What makes it even better, is that if I don't text him on his birthday, he texts my mum, annoyed that I haven't remembered. I always remember, I just choose whether or not to text him depending on how I feel. Some years I'll text him happy birthday to make the point of showing him I remembered his. Other years I don't so that he knows how it feels. It's just extremely depressing having to tell your own dad when your birthday is, every single year. Does he not have a calendar in his phone?? It really isn't that hard.
I realise this is a really stupid thing to still hold onto and it wastes my emotional energy, but it feels like I can't control it. It goes without saying I would never forget my own children's birthdays. I know I need to go back to therapy etc and am still on a waiting list, but has anyone else every experienced something like this, something that probably shouldn't bother you anymore, but still does? If you were able to move past it, how?
I'm not intending for this thread to be a pity party, I'd like to hear other people's things that still bother them that maybe shouldn't. I'm sick of this man still having the power to affect me emotionally 29 years on. 😐