AIBU to worry after my manager commented about pregnancy at work?

[pregnantwithmythird]

I am pregnant with my third child. It wasn't planned and at first we weren't sure what to do but DH and I decided to go ahead with it and we are expecting in November.
I've only just come back from maternity leave after Easter, and at my return to work meeting my manager said to me "you've missed a lot while you were off, don't get pregnant again or it will really set you back".

I would have already been pregnant when she said this, but wouldn't have known.

I'm so nervous about telling them. How do I approach this?

And am I right in thinking that she's actually not allowed to say that?

Similar happened to me.
i just told them earlier than needed to allow them to plan, and said there had been a bit of an accident, which there actually had.

They were absolutely brilliant. I hadn't gotten along with my boss that well up till point but she was very supportive and I thought a lot more of her after.

I also discussed return plans and wanted to be flexible here and there to help the team.

No, she absolutely should not have said that to you.

Wow. It’s amazing, in 2026, that a manager thinks that remark is OK. If I was HR, I’d have my head in my hands.

Gawd that’s awful.

I delayed telling work about my last pregnancy until I was 25 weeks to minimise this kind of thing.

As PPs confirm, your manager should not have said that to you. But, IRL, people say things they shouldn't. At least you know and you can reply appropriately.

Be sure and tell HR in good time (but don't rush) for your MAT 1 and give your manager a heads up before you hand it in.
DON'T apologise!

IME, managers at all levels will say things, float them, try it on, just to see. I've had part-time suggested to me as a recent widow and routinely been asked at interview about how I'd manage childcare.

Was she being serious or silly joke?

Awful comment to make, shes a terrible manager for saying that!

You are protected when returning from mat leave and while pregnant from discrimination - have a read of the website Pregnant Then Screwed and on the discrimination pages of ACAS so you are well informed in case anything else is said or done.

If youre not already in a union, I would join before telling work you are pregnant.

Oh, she was being deadly serious.

She made several comments through my last pregnancy too.

She's gay, and people told me quietly that her and her partner are struggling to adopt and she always makes snide comments when someone is pregnant so not to take it personally.

So if other colleagues are bitching to you about her private life, it must be a generally toxic place to work?

How did you get that from the op's post?

She's gay, and people told me quietly that her and her partner are struggling to adopt and she always makes snide comments

”people told me quietly… 🙄

Quietly, as in discreetly, and to give context about the manager's behaviour?

Even if the manager's feelings are understandable, however, that's not ok to say

I would contact HR first and let them know that your manager has previously made comments which are making you feel uncomfortable sharing the pregnancy news with her and would like someone to be there with you when you tell her and that you would like all communication regarding pregnancy and maternity leave to be via email.

She sounds like a manager who does a shit job of dealing with people being on mat leave, it’s her job to keep you updated with changes when you are away and come up with a plan to get you up to speed when you get back.

I don’t think that your manager should have said that but I had much worse from a Deputy Head when I returned to my teaching job 20 years ago. Sadly I believe that this still happens a lot in teaching.

Agree on that, it’s not ok to talk about the managers struggles to adopt! 👍

Well there is an element of truth to it isn’t there in relation to your career you will have missed a lot?