To stop working?

[13MAPARTHELL]

To quit or to not quit work???

I have a 5 year old, ASD PDA and suspected ADHD.
We have no support & I also have a 4 year old with severe eczema, both receive DLA.

I work full time, im respected in my job but it is not a career, its always something i can return to. However, UC tells me that I would get more than my wage. This has obviously made me think.

Its hard to deal with my kids in the mornings (sensory issues and school refusal) holidays are hell (usually have to work with them here) i have no time for anything, and by the time i pick them up im generally completely deflated and have 0 patience.

My work is stressful, i work in asylum services for the home office including safeguarding, domestic violence and so on.

I cant imagine not working honestly! But at the same time, I cant help but think, will my family be better for it? Will i have more time to do my uni degree (open uni) work on strategies for PDA and actually incorporate them with more patience and clarity, work on my health and mental health with dealing with a child with such extreme behaviours etc.

Those of you that made a choice, what does life look like for you now, are you better for it? Are you lonely & feel less than?

ive always worked, and i work very hard & although that is respected, i have never had that pay rise and i wont because my life means i cant take extra responsibility or hours. I want to point out that we have been refused help from every local authority pretty much, and the battle alone to get the right support is time consuming, my child can be disturbing at times, it’s quite frightening what will happen if there is no intervention

@13MAPARTHELL
In your situation I probably would.
Would UC penalise you for "giving up" work?
If not, then I'd say go for it, get your DC sorted out (hopefully) then return to work.
I wouldn't judge you in your circumstances

Hi!

i dont think they would, as I guess I have the evidence.
i mean he cant even be around other kids, between me and dad its mental breakdown after mental breakdown.
so hard to not feel like a failure in the situation, but i feel on the other hand, no support is available and they refuse or delay significantly everything at the local authority, so i feel its a situation ive been placed in if that makes sense?

I have a 9 year old ADHD PDA’er in specialist school after a long battle with the LA.

If I didn’t work FT, I’d be in the Priory. PDA is like extreme parenting 24/7 and (ime) extremely isolating because of the way they often behave around other DC (and adults tbf). I think I’d rather put DS in the FT care of social services than give up my job, but I do realise that’s an extreme view based largely on DS’ violence.

Is PT an option?

You took the words out my mouth 😂

i work from home full time, i dont have any socialising while doing this, no teams meetings or anything like that.
i also do a university course part time, so this might replace? And this will be for the next 5 years…

do you think in those circumstances this might not be the case for me?

for example my rake home is 1600
UC would be 1700
dad 2800

my job is literally suicidal asylum seekers tbf

In your shoes, yes I would go on uc. You will have the ou qualification in a few years and hopefully your dc will be in a better place.

Yes and i can go back to my job, i have done this already when i took 2 years off to be a SAHM (before diagnosis)

Yes, I think your university course changes things a little. And the fact that your job also sounds emotionally draining. (Without my work, I’d never travel and rarely talk to anyone apart from equally depressed DH!) I just think we all need an outlet in which nobody with 24/7/365 challenging behaviour is entirely dependent on us. (My last 48 hours alone with DS led to 3 concurrent cold sores and a stress-induced uti!) It’s brutal, I hear you. 💐