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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be upset after my cat died and partner left

33 replies

Lonelyumbrella · 04/05/2026 12:27

My beautiful cat was put to sleep yesterday. My partner is sick of me being upset and has ended things and said it’s because I wasn’t sympathetic because his ex has not let him see the children in two years. I have been sympathetic!

His ex accused him of rape when she found out he had met me. This is as two years ago. She has never met me. She has a very posh accent and a job where she is regarded as a trustworthy person, think doctor type of job. She has stopped him from seeing his children for two years whilst the police investigation has been ongoing. I have done everything I can to support him. The police have not investigated the accusation at all. There is no evidence that he has done anything wrong but the police are taking her word as gospel. He has lots of evidence in the form of text messages that she is a liar and has threatened to go to the police on multiple occasions. He has it in a text message ‘Leave her or I will report you to the police’. The police are aware of this but still she is believed. His children don’t want to know him now. They are 16 years old and 14 years old.

I am sick of his mood swings and blaming me for the reason his ex has done this to him.

AIBU for ending things? I fear that if she knew who I was then she would make up something so I’d lose my job.

OP posts:
BarbiesDreamHome · 04/05/2026 18:22

He's been shit to you and yet 80% of your post is defending you poor ex against what you consider to be a baseless accusation.

Any chance she might have said "leave her or I'll report you" because she's worried about your safety?

Not many women report their boyfriends or husbands for rape and happily carry in the relationship. By which I mean its completely logical she didn't report him while she was with him.

Fwiw my ex was a dick when my pet died, kept complaining that me being sad was ruining his day. Incidentally, he was also controlling, isolated me and shouted in my face. Was your relationship.really a bed of roses or are you just struggling to adjust to being alone?

BitOutOfPractice · 04/05/2026 18:24

I’m sorry about your cat op.

he sounds absolutely vile. I would LOVE to hear his ex wife’s side of the story!!

abracadabra1980 · 04/05/2026 18:28

Please allow yourself to grieve for your cat, and get rid of him. It sounds as though you would be far happier giving your love to another animal than to waste it on him. I found after abusive exH #2, I was far happier alone with my cats and dog - that was 10 years ago and I've never looked back.

19lottie82 · 04/05/2026 18:32

WhatNextImScared · 04/05/2026 15:30

If his ex accused him of rape I would believe her

Me too. I’m not saying it’s impossible that she’s lying, but statistically, the chances are slim.

Walig54 · 04/05/2026 18:35

Get another furry friend as soon as you are able, maybe a rescued cat. Pity you can't trade ex in for a new cat, which would be cheaper.

Wishitsnows · 04/05/2026 18:44

Sorry about your cat. Do not get back with this man. You are better off without him. He has not seen his kids in 2 years. He has definitely done something wrong. He could simply go to court and they allow fathers access to children even if they are terrible and have been imprisoned for domestic violence and other terrible things. He has not been telling you the truth. When you are ready, get a cat who will brighten your day and not kick you when you are down.

cubistqueen · 04/05/2026 18:48

Aabbcc1235 · 04/05/2026 18:03

I’m so sorry about your cat, that’s really sad.

”Leave her or I’ll report to the police” doesn’t in my opinion indicate that he isn’t a rapist - rather that he is and she has reported the rape either in retaliation or to try and protect either you, or her kids from witnessing his behaviour to you.

Its not a huge step from kicking you when you’re down to abuse….

This. Could it actually be that she is right and is trying to protect you? And not seeing his kids is not because he’s with you but because he’s an abusive arsehole?

Either way, you are well out of the toxic drama between those two and can concentrate on moving forwards. I’m so sorry about your cat. People often don’t understand the grief that we feel when we lose our pets, but it’s real ans crippling. Many of us have been there and I too Second looking into getting help with your bereavement.

Lonelyumbrella · 05/05/2026 19:51

Thank you everyone. You are all right. X

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