AIBU to wonder why people are complimenting my looks at 40?

[anonymousanne]

So I've just turned 40 and something seems to have changed!

I was reminded frequently thought out my school years that I was unattractive by my peers. I grew up very poor which definitely showed in how I dressed/presented myself and had terrible teeth (pre-braces and before I was only enough to understand for myself the importance of looking after them). I have spent my entire life reasonable content in the knowledge that I am at best average looking under the right light with a bit of make-up on.
My friends have been sweet over the years and said I am pretty etc, but I put this down to them doing what friends do… building me up and seeing my soul (which is what really matters anyway) as part of the package!

But something weird is happening! More recently lots of other woman (and some men) comment positively on my looks and figure which is really sweet, but I’m not sure on the correct etiquette for a response nor do I understand why they would be saying this in truth.

I certainly haven’t changed my appearance nor do I dabble in any tweaks or enhancements outside of regular make-up. If anything I’ve noticed the small signs of aging creeping in. I’ve had children, so as far as I’m concerned my figure is certainly changed since my youth.

So, this leaves me wondering… has the mirror being lying to me (due to childhood trauma alongside the whole media push at the time that woman will never be good enough) or are woman just generally better at building up acquaintances/strangers than younger woman are. Maybe it’s been a societal shift since the ‘be kind’ movement. But on the flip side, if they don’t truly thing these things then why bother saying anything at all.

So, is this weird scenario happening to anyone else? What do you think the change has been if so.

It's probably a positive feedback loop where your increased confidence is boosting your posture and expressions.
I think so much of our look is confidence, posture and expression.

Agree yes its a confidence thing.

How to respond, im awkward and just copy e.g. oh I love your hair too etc*

*on autopilot I once said this back to a bloke who was very much balding, so I recommend taking a few seconds to work out what compliment to return.

I think you were always pretty / attractive but your peers made you feel bad about yourself.

It’s lovely that people are complimenting you. Just enjoy it and say thank you. Don’t feel you need to play it down.

Maybe you’ve relaxed so much about it they see the whole package now? Like pretty and content together? Maybe you’ve got a ‘glow’ and ease because of it? because

You may be onto something there for sure. With age I definitely care less about what other people think. In my younger years I would have wanted to be liked but now, outside of immediate family and friends, the approval of others has become unimportant. I’m extremely content in my life which probably does show in how I carry myself

Exactly the kind of blunder I would make whilst trying to move the attention away from myself 😂 bless you…
although last night I was tempted to say something positive back to someone but felt it would sound insincere. Not because I didn’t truly have something nice to say but felt maybe too forced for the moment 🤔

The older you get, the lower the bar for being considered attractive. An older women in good shape, healthy, with nice clothes and
hair is often considered very attractive, whereas when you're young and these things tend to be the default, you usually have to be above averagely pretty as well to stand out.
Also some women improve as they get older. I've gone facially from having slightly doughy ill defined facial features, to much sharper ones, which look better, and hormonal fat redistribution has changed me from a pear to an hour glass, so I look objectively better and this is reflected in the increase in compliments.
(The correct etiquette is to say "Thank you, that's so nice of you to say" or similar. Avoid desperately searching for a reciprocal compliment unless its genuine, and never argue with them that "Oh no...I'm not..." as it sounds fake and like fishing for more.)

I bet your’re much motre attractive than you think op!! Your peers at school have dented your confidence.

Just smile and say thank you! That’s all you need to do 😊

Maybe you’ve aged better than your peers.

There sre a lot of people - men and women- who are extremely attractive when they are young but their looks fade.

Some people like yourself are attractive when younger but don't stand out because of other people being perceived exceptionally attractive. And because of self confidence and presentation issues.

But you are obviously blessed with the looks that don't fade and because of increased confidence and better self presentation you are coming into your own. You are in it for the long game OP whilst the early bloomers unfortunately will be possibly mourning their youthyul looks.

are woman just generally better at building up acquaintances/strangers than younger woman are

I find the opposite,I’m in my fifties, I get a lot of compliments and admiring looks, looks of approval, from random younger women, sort of late twenties to mid 30s. Shop assistants, bar staff, wait staff, randoms in queues, restaurant toilets etc. usually about my clothes, hair, general look. Seldom to never from women my age.

i think ive turned into that sort of older woman that younger women tend to admire. I’m clearly not threatening. It always feels blurted out. And im never quire sure what to do with it, I just say thanks.

i am tallish, slim, toned,lots of hair, and dress in currenr styles but quality ones which fit me, lots of me and em, Reiss, etc. always in paler colours, or olive, burgandy, navy, but never black. I’m also very confident and comfortable in my own skin.

i genuinely can’t recall the last time a woman my age complimented me past the normal friend stuff. Younger woman give it , wow you look great, or I love your trousers/dress/jacket/hair, or you’ve such a beautiful /pretty face. Or I love your lipstick (which was a bizzare one, it’s just Charlotte tilbury pillow talk in medium).Younger women are quite vocal. Not sure they do it to each other, but I certainly get it. I find it very kind and touching.

but yes for me, it’s the opposite, younger women are very vocal. Older women not so much.

Exactly this. Take the compliments gracefully and enjoy them. Agree, you probably were always attractive, but with age comes confidence and people can see that.