To think many adults never learned conflict resolution, they only know avoidance or aggression?

[NoMiddleSkills]

It’s either silent treatment or explosion.
Where’s the calm middle ground?

I grew up with parents doing the silent treatment thing. Then as the internet arrived it turned into blocking / unfriending people on Facebook on top of silent treatment.

They are mid 70s now and still do it.

It caused problems as I grew up. I never felt safe & I couldn't speak up. I ended up with the fawning response to keep the peace. 😭 especially when it came to men!!

40 and still needing therapy!

frog in a well.

Well, yes. You see it on MN all the time!

The sweary, rude and insulting posts, the OTT reactions.

People post 'fuck off with that' instead of 'I don't agree on that'. The aggression comes through the screen at you.

It isn’t just about ND people being perceived as rude and reactions to that.

If an ND person is annoyed or upset, often the conflict can’t ever be resolved.

I can assure you that I’m not. But outside of saying sorry to someone, or coming to some compromise that suits nobody, what can you teach!

DH and I went on a marriage course a few years ago and there was a section about conflict resolution. I would recommend other couples doing this, we found it really helpful.

In that case you're utterly doomed i'm afraid. The entire world will continue to exist in order to disadvantage you.

Imo it’s sociolinguistic.

I’m a native speaker of Slavic languages, and normal communication in those is direct to a degree that would be considered extremely rude, and/or aggressive, to a native English speaker.

Assertiveness can oftentimes be conflated with aggression. I also think that some people trying to become more assertive can over correct due to lack of familiarity with it.

I made a comment about a suggestion about making it a school subject.

Just to clarify, I am ND, not stupid. I’m aware of how the world works. Which is why I walk away from conflict.

But couldnt part of the education be on how everyone's different and process things differently and some of that might be disability related etc - or am I misreading your intention here.
Surely this would make it easier for a ND person to understand NT thinking, the unspoken social rules, actually walking them through how a NT person might approach conflict. Plus ND people get into relationships with both ND and NT people and still deserve to be equipped with helpful knowledge on conflict resolution. But I am very interested to understand what I may be missing here as im sure there are things I am not thinking of that would make this problematic!

I'm also ND, I just don't share your everything exists to disadvantage us attitude, hence my response to it.

I’m 5 foot tall. Growing up with a domineering father in a bad neighbourhood where all the other kids are constantly accusing you of looking at them.
I am now like a mouse. An extremely pathetic person conflict avoidant and a people pleaser to an extremely degree. I’m extremely hung up on my height and probably have napoleon syndrome (the pathetic form not the aggressive form)

Well good for you. Of course all ND people have a hive mind 🙄It was a throwaway comment about someone wanting it added as an exam subject at school.

The world doesn’t exist to disadvantage people but it sure as shit doesn’t exist to help people