To think the UK education system is killing my child spirit

[Orchidchildren]

DC15 has always struggled with the UK education system where one size fits all and everything is about exams and results or you will fail in life.

Currently seeing a therapist as there have been self harm. How do I support them?

I'd try Not Fine in School on Facebook, OP. Lots of helpful stuff on there. You might even find local parents going through the same thing. And let them know you love them and have their back. It may seem obvious to us as adults, but when DD2 had EBSA at secondary school, what nearly killed me was hearing that she thought we hated her for being "difficult". It took time to reassure her that we love her to the moon and back and were just worried about her/didn't know what to do.

I was shocked by the school system in England when dc1 started. It was relentless from y1. We left the UK when they were in y3 which is lucky because dc2 has ASD and now in y5, currently attends school part time, and is very supported by their school. We would have been fined and left to fail in the UK.

Thank you. It has been really hard. I need to continue reassuring and supporting them.. Their anxiety is of the roof and they keep asking how many more weeks until the holidays.

Wondering if there is a school my child can attend part time just for English, Maths, Science.

That's the problem with the UK school system, so many square pegs stuffed in round holes, a one size fits all method. But it doesn't work for so many kids, secondary schools are more like prisons with over a thousand pupils, limited subjects, uncomfortable uniform, crowded classrooms, locked toilets, so many rules & regulations. How this is supposed to prepare them for the world of work I will ever know, there is no room for anyone who is different or who has different aspirations. It's not like moving to another school will help, all schools are the same. It's time that the whole school system was given a massive shake up, make secondary schools smaller with more room for anyone to follow their own aspirations, not everyone wants to spend 5+ years learning maths,English, science, history & geography, let the kid who wants to carve out a career in a non typical subject have the chance to choose subjects that interest them & experience the joy of learning because they want to, not because they have to. The curriculum is so narrow, schools are just exam factories now turning out government dictated clones supposedly ready for the world of work & killing off the hopes & dreams of teenagers who could become the top of the world if only they were just given the chance.

I can only speak for primary but yes, it is relentless. For both children and staff.

The academic expectations (based on some very dodgy, and dated, research), the levels of violence (for whatever reason), and the endless, endless events and requests, which I know drive parents up the wall.

I think parents and school staff have been the typical ‘boiling frogs’ for so long that it’s hard to see that these expectations, in any other work setting, would result in mass industrial action. And so we have a teacher sickness and retention crisis and children who are, basically, going on strike! You’d think someone, somewhere, would have put two and two together.

So after that rant (sorry), I wonder if you have considered online schools? I don’t know what the cost is, but if your child is motivated to learn at home, maybe with the odd bit of extra tutoring, it might be worth looking at.

You sound like a brilliant parent btw.

Thank you. I will speak with DC and tell them I support them in whatever they think is best. It breaks my heart seeing them struggle and trying to cope.

Will look into it. Thanks

You have my sympathies- in ds’s case it was pressure from the teacher during Sats prep, they were receiving detentions for not improving their performance. I made the teacher fully aware of the situation and it stopped - the punishment and the self harming.

That is terrible. I hope he has a better time with GCSE

Just to say OP, if you take your child out of school to use an online provider this will be considered to be Home Education unless you are able to secure funding for EOTAS (education other than art school). So that you know all your options I would suggest joining HEFA (Home Education for All) on Facebook. That way you know what your options are if you go down that route. Unless they attend a registered bricks and mortar school it is generally speaking a Home Education situation.
Please reassure your child they can take exams at any age there is no cut off point and nor are they legally required to take them.
Part time at this stage presuming year 10 is very unlikely, schools don’t like it. If you pull them now and still want to pursue exams you will have to pay for each exam separately anywhere from £300 per exam up. But again there is no fixed timetable. Online schools will allow you to pick and choose subjects.

Completely agree - I think as parent you have to try to detoxify the message coming out of school that if you don't pass exams your life is over - it can even tip into activities outside of school too. I battled over music lessons needing to be exam based, ballet, singing - honestly it was a parent who pushed for the ballet exams - I withdrew my child at that point. I found a lovely musical theatre teacher who taught them piano and sang with my kids as they played - she introduced them to music that they loved - I never insisted they practiced. During their school exams they used to take a break by playing and singing the tunes she taught them.