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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to stop my mum babysitting over ignored boundaries and car seat safety?

8 replies

ag1908 · 02/05/2026 20:55

Looking for some opinions on how to navigate my mum not respecting boundaries. My mum dismisses everything regarding car seats, and just my overall general boundaries. She doesn’t have my daughter often, but today she asked to watch her for a couple of hours which I was happy for her to do as she said she wasn’t using the car. She turned up with the car and we ended up having a heated discussion around the car seat regarding her not respecting boundaries around car seat safety & rear facing. She hasn’t installed anyone in a car seat in about 20 years and her car seat isn’t adjusted properly for my daughter as shes not been in it in over a year. I have a 19 month old. She has encouraged use of no car seats often and doesn’t see the big deal around any of it. I said she wasn’t taking her today unless rear facing and I installed her correctly which I done. We don’t do a lot of screen time but I don’t mind a bit here and there, but i don’t like her especially having a phone. I’ve told my mum this multiple times and she still proceeds to give her the phone and today when I went to pick her up she was watching peppa pig on the tv & had baby shark on the phone. I took the phone off her and she had a tantrum, my mum proceeded to say she’s had it for about an hour. I can look past a lot of things like her having treats there, and not sticking to nap times etc as I know going to your grandparents is fun and you get treated while you’re there, but it’s the constant dismissal of what I say. There’s constant comments too, when I went to go pick her up she said she’s not made a peep all day or even asked for you once, I ignored and she kept saying it. My daughter started to get a bit whingy and she was like she’s only like that cause you’re here she’s been great all day. Just not really sure how to work around it, as my daughter loves her and spending time with her but she just doesn’t listen to a word I say.

OP posts:
thepariscrimefiles · 02/05/2026 21:12

Your mum disregards all your rules, including ones to keep your child safe in the car and gloats that your DD hasn't missed you at all. She sounds like a really horrible mum to you.

I would stop facilitating visits as your daughter only loves being with her because she lets her have loads of screen time and other treats like chocolate. If your mum can't be pleasant to you and follow your reasonable rules about car safety, screen time and junk food, she can't really be trusted to care for your DD properly.

empee47 · 02/05/2026 21:16

Sounds very familiar, unfortunately. I could have written the same. Car seat rules are non negotiable. My mum wouldn’t let me show her how to install the baby carrier for my daughter - now 14 - and said she wasn’t stupid, and how dare I patronise her. She pulled up a few hours later on my drive without the seat belted in - we didn’t have isofix, but used the seatbelt to secure the seat. To top it off, my daughter - at that time about 4 months - had a blanket pulled over her head. I got the ‘oh you’re so ungrateful, you’re critical’ poor little me act. It was the first and last time she took her out. As you say, you can give them a little leeway as it is supposed to be fun at Granny’s house but other things are non negotiable. Car safety is one of them.

ShetlandishMum · 02/05/2026 21:25

No. Thank you.

I wouldn't. She could spend time with us. Not alone with child.

mindutopia · 02/05/2026 21:32

It would be a no from me. I had similar issues with my mum not respecting safe boundaries (not these sorts of boundaries, but serious safeguarding ones). We are now NC. My children’s safety always comes first.

Hankunamatata · 02/05/2026 21:37

Only bit that would fuss me would be the car seat.

TappingTed · 02/05/2026 21:39

Just say no thanks. It doesn’t sound like she’s exactly hands on with your child anyway tbh. I can understand a bit of screen time if you were expecting her to babysit your child every day for hours on end (or indeed you’re a knackered mum just looking for a wee bit of peace- no judgement here!). But as a grandma she should be making more effort in the short time she has her grandchild.

dalmationtux · 02/05/2026 21:44

I’m lost with the car seat thing. You had a discussion, what did your mother do wrong after that?

ag1908 · 02/05/2026 22:23

dalmationtux · 02/05/2026 21:44

I’m lost with the car seat thing. You had a discussion, what did your mother do wrong after that?

Still dismissed the rear facing and the fact the seat wasn’t adjusted to her age. I then made sure it was installed properly and got told I was being dramatic as she wouldn’t put her life in danger,

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