Baby with surname of current and ex partner aibu

[smucker]

A friend recently had a baby with her new partner. Wonderful news. She has 3 older kids with her ex husband who have his name only. She goes by her maiden name now. She has announced the baby surname which is double barrelled- it is both her ex husbands name and her new partner (baby daddy) name. Is it just me or is that a bit weird?

It’s the name of the babies siblings. A man doesn’t own his surname.

I did exactly this and am now wondering if people are secretly judging me! I’m also wondering if this thread is about me

I did it for various reasons, my ex husband and father to my eldest children was not asked, he’s never said anything about it nor has anyone else.

Why is she so hung up on all her kids having a man’s name?

She should change all of them to double-barreled with her name plus relevant dad and then they will have a link.

Any reason you didn’t just double barrel all kids with your name plus their own dad?

Wont kid find it weird when they grow up and never see the man whose name they have?

Because the older siblings are school age and I felt it wasn’t right at their ages to start messing about double barrelling their names. I also absolutely hate my surname and wouldn’t inflict it on my children as I was bullied for it growing up.

Only if you're thick enough to teach them that names belong to men. The child will grow up knowing it shares a name with it's siblings. Why would they think that was weird?

I agree and I don't think the children associate it with being a “man’s” name. It’s just their name, a family name. Maybe when they’re older they might and if I have to explain it to them I will.

Op might have an awful surname … In the bank weeks back surname of cashier was Cockman, err no thanks
also it’s her farmyard parade so step aside.

Yes I know that she would need permission, that's why I said above it's a faff, and the option she's gone with is the easiest.
I understand that part. I just don't get the why.
She wants the kids to have same surnames. But they are not all related to the same dad.

I could not imagine my younger siblings being named after my dad. They're not his.
They're still my siblings. Buy they're not my dad's kids.

She wants the children to share a name. Not that odd.

It’s not an unrelated man’s name though it’s the babies siblings name and a family name.

I think it's strange. If names were important to her why did she change her name?

Sorry, it’s weird. It would be one thing if she used her ex’s surname as hers with no intention to change her name, but she doesn’t.

To me it comes across as being embarrassed about the multiple baby daddies and trying to sort of hide that by everyone having that same name. Her child isn’t going to thank her for giving him a super awkward name from a random man.

My surname before I changed it was my link to my dad and paternal family. It has never once occurred to me to think it links me to my brother in anyway.

Agree. Very weird.

My brothers ex did that so my niece and nephew could have the sane surname as their younger siblings and her. It’s unofficial, she actually baked my brother for permission to change their surnames. He’s usually a pushover as he’s a quiet placid guy but he hit the roof. He told her HIS children will change their surnames over his dead body! He will see her in court if she even dared to suggest that again. She double barrelled them with her new surname and my brothers surname. I think she got a shock as normally he rolls over or puts his hand in his pocket.

She’s giving them the older siblings name.

It’s odd if you only ever see names as belonging to men, and just on loan to wives children etc.

The siblings have a surname, their own surname, belonging to them. The youngest now shares that with them

Unusual. But so what?

Women can give their Dc their own surnames. Alongside the Dad’s, if they choose. It makes more sense, really. And siblings can all share that name.

Seems weird to me, but her choice.

Yes, I can read thank you.

When she got married she obviously took his name & the older ones were given the parents surname, she wouldn't have expected him to become an Ex & her crystal ball didn't suggest not changing her name or not giving the children the name they shared. (If I had kids who had my married name, I wouldn't have gone back to using my maiden name. You change names. You don't borrow a name).

It is her older children's name. Not just her Ex's. It doesn't matter what her Ex thinks about her baby's name, it's none of his business.

Her new partner is obviously mature enough not to be acting like a twat about this.

She wants the sibling’s to share a surname. Seems perfectly reasonable to me. The name doesn’t belong to the ex, it belongs to the siblings.

it doesn’t matter where a name came from, the moment a person is named, that name is theirs just as if it was created from thin air.

Better option would be to change her name to the older children's surname, then use that for the baby or double barrel with new dp.

As the baby I'd rather match names with my mum rather than half siblings.

The ex is irrelevant now, it's the children's name. When a woman argues that keeping her maiden name is unimportant to her because it's just her dad's name at the end of the day, this is refuted strongly on here with people arguing it's not about it being her dad's name, the point is it is HER name now. This is just the same, applied to OP's friend's children.

I expect there was a bit of politics in the rest. Maybe they took one name from mum's side and one from dad's, so she had to choose between the children sharing a name with the baby and her doing so. I can imagine the dad not being very happy to miss out on passing his name down. Maybe they are just better names. It's not a common choice but I don't think that makes it weird.

Well I would never have done it but then I didn't just take the name of my now husband; we both db'd.
So... husband, myself and our daughter all share the same db. It is his name + my family name which i reverted back to immediately after my divorce.
My sons from my first marriage have my ex-husband's name only which I very much regret but I was young and naive. I hate that there's no "link."
I could think of nothing worse than my daughter being called by my ex-husband's last name (he's never met her and she's almost 6!)

I’d assume it is so all 4 siblings are matched, somewhat. It’s not her exs nane, it is as much ‘owned’ by her dc as it is by him. If permission is needed, which it isn’t, then I’m sure one of her dc could give it.
Fucking hate that a man is seen to own his name but children and women aren’t. .

If women didn't change their names these issues would be a thing of the past.

I think it’s bizarre for a baby to have a surname that doesn’t belong to either of the baby’s parents. YANBU.