Long story but I’ll try to keep it concise. I’m currently in the process of buying a house with my husband and because I own a 10% share in another property (inherited years ago), I have to pay the additional stamp duty which is quite a lot.
The other property is in a very poor state and my mum currently lives there with my brother, who can be quite difficult and at times verbally abusive towards her. Because of this, I’ve been really keen to get her out of that environment and offered for her to come and live with us once we move.
A few weeks ago, after an argument with my brother, my mum said she would give me £20k towards the additional stamp duty (it’s over £27k to be precise, total is £47k) and the plan was she would move in with us so she’d be in a safer and more stable home.
I made financial plans based on that and also emotionally felt like we were aligned on her moving out.
Fast forward to today, she asked me to take her to the bank thinking we were sorting that but she didn’t mention it at all. I didn’t ask either and instead she said the money is for doing up the other house which we both know is not true.
I didn’t say anything at the time but I’ve come away feeling quite hurt and confused. It feels like the plan has completely changed without any conversation, and I don’t know whether she just said it in the moment previously or has changed her mind.
I completely understand it’s her money and she can do what she wants with it, but I think what’s upset me is more the lack of honesty/clarity as I had planned things around what she said.
I’m also conscious that I’ll need to sort selling my 10% share in the next 3 years to reclaim the additional stamp duty. I would have put that money into making a space for her to live peacefully and she wouldn’t contribute to bills etc.
AIBU to feel hurt by this? And how would you approach the conversation with her without it turning into an argument?
Thanks in advance.