Teaching DC - Am I overthinking this?

[ConfidenceCrush]

I’m training up in a role where I’ll work with young children, mainly infant school age.

I’ve not received any negative feedback or complaints about me, but I’ve had a few situations where the parent has said their DC doesn’t like me, and that they prefer to be with one of the other teachers. I have also had very positive feedback on my teaching from other parents, but of course it’s the negative ones that stand out!

This has totally knocked my confidence sideways and I’m just wondering if I’m overreacting big time.

I get that young children can be picky, but it’s the way the adults handled it that I’m upset with.

AIBU I’ve overreacted
YANBU It’s tough teaching DC

I’d also welcome tips on how not to be so sensitive as I’m sure this is going to happen a lot!

Most times it's the parents that want one of the other staff member, not children.

How are you in a situation where parents are able to tell you that their dc don’t like you?

Children will often prefer the main person leading anything because they like things to be the same as they were before. Predictable every time. If you are not there full, time that can be difficult for some too.

Do they know the other teachers better? It may be that they need time to get to know you. Children are often wary of unfamiliar adults initially.

Reflect on your relationship with the children: are you warm, welcoming, do you take an interest in them personally?

Can you observe the children’s interactions with other teachers to see what the teachers’ approach is?

You can't give too much heed to the parents, who are not reliable as they don't see your work, and seek some really honest feedback from colleagues.

This really depends on the context. What sort of situation is it that parents tell you they don't like you? Those adults sound rude!

Situations like this can be hurtful but it is a really positive sign that you want to know more about why. I would ask colleagues eg the parallel teacher why they think it might be if the feedback hasn’t been clear.

We have experience of this with my anxious ds though he tells us and not school and we kept it at home.

Sometimes it can be because of shouting or somewhat heavy handed discipline, or because a teacher is quite stressful to be around, always rushing the dc or because a teacher is not really connecting with the pupils.

If this is your chosen career, you will need to learn to ignore and move on. This will happen again and again and it's important for your mental health that you don't take it personally.
People gel better with one compared to another, that's just how it is. You will not be the favourite of all children or parents and you don't need to be to do the job.
It's also important not to let the parental comments affect how you treat the child as that can cause issues too.
Just continue doing your job, and ignore.

Totally agree.
In the kindest way possible, you need to toughen up.

What's the course?

I'd assume (from the way it is written) it's a sports coach or swimming teacher - someone leading groups of children in learning a specific skill. Something like that rather than a school teacher?

I'm afraid that, whatever the role, you'll going to need much tougher skin than this to survive!

When my children didn’t like a teacher it was usually because they were stricter (which instantly made me like them more ha) they usually warmed up to them though.

What kind of person tells a teacher their child doesn’t like them?!

Agree totally.
I bet you have a group of bitchy mums who are carrying on behaviour from when they were at school.
We all know the type. The snooty girls who picked on others saying " we don't like you" hoping that their chosen victim will then fawn around them and agree to all their requests in an effort to feel important.
Looks like they are preparing the next generation for similar behaviour.
Don't let them bully you. You are the professional here. Heed the comments of trusted colleagues if you really want an opinion on your performance.

As their teacher your role is not to be their friend. You don’t need them to ‘like’ you. You need them to respect and listen to you. Most of the time that will mean they also like you.
I do find it a little odd that in what is, presumably a short, time training you’ve had several parents commenting on this. In 25 years of teaching can’t really recall more than maybe one parent that ever said, out loud, to my face, that their child didn’t like me. There have always been children that I’ve taught who don’t like me much and I’m rarely ‘the favourite’ but they respect me and show excitement when I come to teach them.
For me, the fundamental rule for being an effective teacher is - you are not their friend. You are their guide, to support and protect. You have to make the difficult decisions sometimes, the ones they don’t like but are in their best interests. You cannot base your own self esteem on what a bunch of small children think of you. Their contact with your life is transitory. Even the most beloved teachers have pupils who don’t like them.

In what kind of setting are you working, and what do you teach? It doesn't sound as if you're a teacher job a school.

In 35 years of teaching I've never been in a situation where a parent has told me that their child doesn't like me, or prefers another teacher. It doesn't happen that way. I can imagine that in a specific type of meeting about behavioural issues or special needs, a parent might have the chance to bring up a possible personality clash, but it doesn't seem that that's what's happening here.

In 35 years of teaching I've never been in a situation where a parent has told me that their child doesn't like me, or prefers another teacher. It doesn't happen that way.

That's what makes me think it's a swimming teacher or a sports coach or somwthing lilw that.

Yes, sorry I’m not a school teacher. I teach kids tennis.

Of course there are things I take on the chin; the DC prefering their former coach, then liking me after getting to know me. Other things like parents getting upset when their DC is not chosen for something or when they aren’t showing signs of a future Wimbledon winner.

It’s the swapping coaches that has knocked my confidence. No one has told me to my face they don’t like me, I’ve just enquired why they moved with the head coach. His take on it is “no one has complained about you, so don’t worry about it. It’s going to happen”.

I am quite strict and disciplined but I’ve also had very positive feedback on my teaching style from a few parents who’ve said they’ve only ever seen their DC listen to me, and that I am a very good teacher. There is equipment that can cause a lot of damage if misused and our outside courts are located near a main road and the DC often try to leave the court, so I do have to have a few stern words if safety is breached.

Smartiepants

I have been told quite a few times by parents that their DC respect and listen to me. A few of the DC have autism or ADHD and their parents have all said their child is happy in my class. One really complemented me on my teaching style and said their child was doing really well.

If I look at the DC who’ve moved, they are the ones whose parents cause a bit of drama at the club, or their child won’t listen and they are the ones I’m trying to reign in from running out into the road.

I think it’s a balance. Not every teacher is for every child and in the absence of feedback you can action there’s not much you can do. I’d reflect on my interactions with those kids - whether I was sharp with them or less encouraging or less engaged with them, whether they might be picking up from me that I find them tricky or less likeable than others.

In the absence of feedback or anything in my own honest reflection I’d let it go.

We had a similar issue with one of the DCs sports coaches, where DS1 told us he didn't really like her. We did notice she was a bit sterner than some of the other teachers, but we said to him it's only half an hour a week and to not take it personally.

Anyway they had a swap round after half term (just because of numbers of kids at different levels) and now DS1 has a more jokey teacher and is happy, and DS2 has the sterner teacher but likes her.

At the end of the day it could just be one of those things/not all kids will gel with all teachers. DS1 has improved more quickly with the jokey teacher.

We wouldn't have complained/asked to move DS1 unless it was a serious issue though.

Yes Jellycat, that is the issue.

If I was told that Johnny had moved because I was a bit stern with them, that’s fine, and I’ll change how I talk to them.

I think my role is a constantly learning and evolving one, and I want to be a good coach.

I know I need to grow a much thicker skin. It’s not just me though. A lot of our staff turnover is people leaving as they can’t deal with the parents.

It does sound like some children are finding you too stern, from what you’ve said.

I have to say..the word stern makes me think you may need to take into account thst this is children's leisure time.

Of course kids running off and behaving poorly needs tackling but I think adults who coach or run clubs for kids sometimes forget that the kid may have been in school all day...or if its a weekend...has been taken away from their play

Ultimately children doing a voluntary activity may need to feel they are.having fun ...ia it necessary to be stern ?

It's often the parents who can't cope with change, rather than the children. As a very experienced Infants teacher, I took over a Y2 class when the established teacher went on Mat Leave. I was new to the school but everyone had been given plenty of notice and preparation, teacher started ML on her planned date, nothing unexpected. There was far more resistance from the parentsthan the children, who just accepted me as their new teacher. One parent even complained that I shouldn't have changed the seating arrangements, after the next half-term holiday, because that was different from the way Mrs Smith did it!.
It is possible that some parents could persuade the previous coach to choose their DC over others and don't like your approach. Don't worry about it, be confident in your methods, while taking on board any professional advice.

The DC who have moved belong to fussy parents who will moan about everything, I think I would see it as a positive you don't have to deal with those parents.

Haha, welcome to teaching, OP!

Speak to any teacher nowadays and they'll tell you that these parents are the problem not all parents, obviously...

Don't take it personally. And trust the feedback you're getting from the club.