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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think the bar for some dads is on the floor?

4 replies

catchingup1 · 30/04/2026 21:39

I keep seeing posts where women describe partners who won’t get up in the night, don’t do basic childcare, leave everything to mum but then it’s followed by something like he’s actually a great dad because he plays with them for five minutes.

I don’t get it. Since when did occasional playing count as being a good parent while the other person is doing the relentless, boring, everyday graft of actually raising the child?

If a mum said she couldn’t be bothered getting up, didn’t know the routine, and just dipped in for the “fun bits”, she’d be torn to shreds on here. But for some dads the expectations seem so low that basic interaction gets treated like gold standard parenting.

Obviously not all dads, before anyone jumps on that. There are loads who are properly involved and doing their fair share. But the way some of these posts are framed, it’s like some women are bending over backwards to give credit for the bare minimum.

OP posts:
PollyBell · 30/04/2026 21:40

May explain the first child not the rest

LizandDerekGoals · 30/04/2026 21:44

If a mum said she couldn’t be bothered getting up, didn’t know the routine, and just dipped in for the “fun bits”, she’d be torn to shreds on here
What are you talking about? Useless dad’s are torn to shreds on here daily. Women who excuse useless dad’s are torn to shreds also daily.

decorationday · 30/04/2026 22:20

LizandDerekGoals · 30/04/2026 21:44

If a mum said she couldn’t be bothered getting up, didn’t know the routine, and just dipped in for the “fun bits”, she’d be torn to shreds on here
What are you talking about? Useless dad’s are torn to shreds on here daily. Women who excuse useless dad’s are torn to shreds also daily.

On here, yes.

Out in the wider world, not so much.

LizandDerekGoals · 30/04/2026 22:30

decorationday · 30/04/2026 22:20

On here, yes.

Out in the wider world, not so much.

The op is talking about on here.

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