AIBU about one woman’s behaviour in my over-50s group?

[Cupofbovril]

I go to a group which is for over 50s.

One of the women in particular has to be in everything. She has to lead the discussions and is one of those people who is proud to just say it as it is. Which in fact means she is bloody rude to people.

I've had a few run in with her and yes even used to MN ' Did you mean to be so rude?' When she tried to put me down once.

For a few months we have had a new member come. She is quiet and suffers badly from depression. This woman picks on her constantly, always telling her what to do.
The new member has confided in me that she dosnt think she will come anymore as she leaves feeling like bursting into tears each week.

I feel like when asked ( which I will be, as all the ither members know we are friends) why she isn't coming to say exacrly why she isnt coming ?

That is such an awkward situation. IME people like that don't like being told the truth - if you ask her, very nicely, to tone it down she'll probably take huge offence and cause a lot of issues.

I'm really not sure what the answer is. I do think you should say something but I'm not sure it'll go well.

I’d fight fire with fire to be honest. Call her out every time she picks on someone. Call her out every time she’s rude. And if she says anything back, then I’d just say from now on I’ll also be “telling it like it is”. Don’t sit by and watch her bully people.

Isn't it always the way that "I tell it like it is" = "I'm bloody rude."
She needs to be told. Don't worry about offending her. She doesn't mind upsetting other people

I call her out everytime she tries it with me and she backs down. In fact she creeps around me now.

Other people will be finding her annoying too, I can guarantee.

The next time she does it again, say, “Saying it like it is is not a free pass to being rude Brenda. Now I am going to say it like it is. You have already upset a new member by making them feel unwelcome. And your rudeness has already pissed me off on more than one occasion. If you aren’t capable of being more diplomatic you must leave the group.”