AIBU for wanting my lunch break car trips to stay solo?

[SpentDad35]

Right, good morning all. I’m just wondering what you guys think of my situation & of course, do you think I’m unreasonable here?

so, I work within a small office with a team of 4 other people. My job has long hours & often demanding. The kitchen is often small & always occupied so I have learned quickly that lunch is often taken at my desk.
due to this, I have always taken 30 minutes out my day to take some “me time” call it lunch if you will. Where I drive to the local park & enjoy the scenery or nip to a local shop or cafe or fill my car up with petrol & just enjoy my time.

the last few weeks however, I have got a colleague who wants to come with me to get food. He always states “oh there’s a shop next to the park can I jump in” or “I’ll come to petrol station with you to get some food”
the odd time I wasn’t too bothered as he is a friend but lately it’s everyday.

AIBU for not wanting him to tag on everyday as I enjoy the time to myself?

for context, he can drive so could get some food for himself but just doesn’t want to go in his own vehicle.

That would drive me nuts!

I'd say no, and say that you have to make an important, personal call.

Or, I'd wait till he's gone to the loo and then sneak out!

Absolutely not being unreasonable, just tell him you go out specifically for the peace and quiet.

I do similar in that I go for a walk every day and do not want colleagues joining me. It’s my time for sure.
Start saying you have a personal phone call to make see if he takes the hint

AIBU for not wanting him to tag on everyday as I enjoy the time to myself?

YABU for not very simply communicating to him that this is your alone time, where you like to decompress 🤷‍♂️

Don't lie about phone calls or anything, there's no need.

Alone time to chill out is a perfectly acceptable reason.

And even if he thinks it isn't, so what?

I’m sat in my car on my lunch break right now 😂 absolutely not.

I used to walk to a local park to get peace and some sun also. Its unpaid time to get away from work. Occasionally, a work colleague and I would walk around the block together which was fine, but if it became a daily expectation- it would drive me nuts too.

If you can't sneak out, I'd just say its not convenient. No need to explain or make up excuses. OR, if you really wanted to (I know you don't)- suggest you both go in HIS car and see what he says!

If you don’t say no now you will become a people pleaser who in 8 months time will be even more resentful and find it harder to nip it in the bud.

I would tell colleague the truth, you prefer the peace or if you feel awkward saying that you could say you are going elsewhere or need to make some important confidential phone calls over the next couple of weeks.

He is extremely cheeky considering he drives…

Why do people always suggest excuses rather than being direct? There’s nothing wrong with explaining you want some quiet time alone.

Personal phone calls and sneaking out only work as one-offs, they just lead to awkwardness in an ongoing situation.

It's not unreasonable, but people are not mind-readers. If you want some alone time, say so!

Exactly.

It's a very strange thing for grown adults to advise anyone to do.

Then again, it's strange the OP didn't just say, "Oh no John, I need my half an hour alone to chill out".

YAabsolutelyNBU, and it's a real lack of any kind of social awareness on your colleague's part that he can't see this.

I go for a walk every single lunchtime (except for now, when I have a broken foot, and am slowly losing my mind at my desk) and I'd be frankly appalled and disgusted by any offer of company 😆

Why can't people just say no anymore? Why?

I wonder if it's due to the popularity of texting/messaging etc.

Some people have lost face to face communication skills.

Yes

Asking excuses isn't gonna work. Unless you're gonna have a personal call to make at lunchtime for the next few years. And lying that you're going somewhere else won't work if someone else sees you.

You're gonna have to be direct.

Indeed, it won't be long before someone suggests texting him to say no, or the OP will talk about how she 'hates confrontation' aka just saying she wants to be alone for a bit.

I was waiting for 'pop a letter through his door' 😁

Just tell him straight NO and that you want that time to yourself. No need to make up lies.

He feels entitled to your time, your resources and your energy. Tell it like it is: I like my lunch break on my own. He’s not worrying about your feelings so don’t stress about it. Keep it light and breezy.

Colleague, I didn't mind the odd time, but you're making a habit of joining me when I pop out for some solo time, its defeating the purpose! Love you, mean it ❤️

Just say you make phone calls on your lunch break so need privacy.

I used to have a colleague that asked me to pick up her lunch when I was going out. After the second time I replied “absolutely not I’m not spending my lunch hour shopping for you”. She never asked again. She’d get someone else to go get her lunch then spend her full break in the staffroom cheeky madam that she was.

Say something like “No Tom/Dick/Harry, I like to have half an hour of peace” just be upfront. He’s a CF, he can take his own car.

She doesn't though, she needs alone time so why not say that?

Why does the truth sound worse to you?

I had this, then one day he told me he couldn't come so started asking around the office to see if anyone could go with me, I said there's no need, I like walking alone. From then, the assumption he was invited when I went out seemed to be gone.
I think some people don't like their own company so think they are doing you a favour by offering to come. Try telling him you enjoy some time alone at lunch.

Just tell them you need alone time so no.