Son and I were talking daily, now I’ve helped him financially he’s dropped off the planet.

34 replies

hoardingwealth · 29/04/2026 21:01

I’ve just helped my son to buy his first house. I provided the whole deposit. We had to talk daily about this for a while because it was a special Family Springboard mortgage and there were lots of things to tie up. Anyway, it all went through and he’s now moved in. Since then, he doesn’t reply to calls or messages for days on end. In fairness he was a bit like this before, but I just feel so sad that now the financial transaction is over he has gone back to being low contact, when he wasn’t low contact in the middle of the legalities of getting his mortgage.

OP posts:

ButterYellowHair · 30/04/2026 16:39

If all you were talking about before was the house then it’s not that he’s dropped you it’s that the conversation topic is over so he has reverted to his normal practice.

FortyFacedFuckers · 30/04/2026 16:47

How often do you want him to be in contact? Daily?

Jk987 · 30/04/2026 16:52

it can feel a bit forced if you have weekly calls etc. What sort of things do you want to talk about and do you have a laugh with him? Sometimes a catch up for the sake of a catch up can feel a bit strained.

Miranda65 · 30/04/2026 16:53

Gardenimp · 30/04/2026 13:18

Isn't that the normal relationship for a 29 yo son and his mother?

My DS1 is 25 and recently moved away. He does contact me when he he has something to tell me about (or to ask) but I don't hear from him more than a few times a month, he's busy living his life, in a new and exciting phase. I don't think I contacted my parents much when I first moved out.

Exactly. He has a job and a new house - he's busy. It's completely normal for him not to be constantly in touch with his folks. Good luck to him - he's living his life.

Miranda65 · 30/04/2026 16:55

KaleidoscopeSmile · 30/04/2026 14:10

I ought to be but I'm not surprised that several people on this thread think that it's perfectly normal to be more or less ignored by your adult kids except when they need cash from you and for them to go back to ignoring you once they have it.

They talk on here about a low bar for men but it's no worse than the bar people have for their kids

Maybe because they are adults with busy, independent lives, who don't need to keep running back to mummy and daddy? Which is what all parents want, surely?

keepswimming38 · 30/04/2026 16:58

So he was like that before but you thought he had miraculously had a personality transplant and come to his senses? Ok! I think you can explain you feel disappointed ( that his personality hasn’t Infact changed) and you liked that version better so can you have that one back please? 🙏

nutsfornuts · 30/04/2026 17:00

KaleidoscopeSmile · 30/04/2026 14:10

They talk on here about a low bar for men but it's no worse than the bar people have for their kids

But it is 'normal' for the OP - she said it herself, he was like this before.

Without passing judgement on whether something is good / bad / acceptable or not, I am not sure why anyone would assume that giving this man a deposit for a house would magically turn him into a different person.

nutsfornuts · 30/04/2026 17:02

Sorry OP, I think YABU. He was like this before, he is still like it now. It's just how he is with you. Obviously you didn't have to give him the money and it was kind of you to do so but expecting more contact because you did is unreasonable IMO.

ginasevern · 30/04/2026 17:12

Miranda65 · 30/04/2026 16:55

Maybe because they are adults with busy, independent lives, who don't need to keep running back to mummy and daddy? Which is what all parents want, surely?

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Well he ran back to mummy and daddy for a shed load of money didn't he. And that's not exactly what I'd call independence.

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