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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

So many think they can teach

147 replies

Wecandancetillthemorninglight · 29/04/2026 15:01

My sister works with homeschooling families in London and frequently tells me stories of how they usually are. How they think they know more than the teacher after quickly looking up how to teach a concept online versus 30 plus years of teaching experience and many different methods and ways of doing things.
I have the upmost respect for my Dc’s teachers and wouldn’t dream of thinking I knew more. Dsis tells me the children are often way behind and have very few actual hours of learning and the mums think they’re doing an amazing job

Should this be allowed?

OP posts:
Morepositivemum · Yesterday 12:57

Op the kids I know being homeschooled were bullied, moved school, then bullied again. Mercilessly bullied, three of them moved again then bullied again. Sometimes honestly people have no choice. They’re not thinking they’re better than teachers, they’re out for the best for their kids

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · Yesterday 12:58

Growingaseed · Yesterday 12:54

Totally agree but it was a very gloaty post!

Also if busy experiencing other things why start at 12!

Because they were ready to take that particular GCSE at 12? You can do multiple things at once.
It was only ‘gloaty’ because it was in response to an OP basically saying that home educating leads to failure. I can see why that PP gloated!

RhaenysRocks · Yesterday 13:04

SayNo2Aggression · Yesterday 09:50

With reference to 'It's not an inevitability that people MUST learn to cope with difficult colleagues or whatever. The whole point of being an adult is choice. I strongly suspect at least one of mine, who just about copes with school will end up self employed so she can work with her own rhythms'.

  1. Choices for people who are wealthy are not the same as those for people who live from day to day hoping they can pay their bills. There are many things that influence choice and whilst we can influence which direction our lives go in, we can't control everything that will ever happen to us.
  2. Even if self-employed people have to deal with challenging people in life e.g., people who don't pay up on time or people who irritate them and even if you response that's not 'emotionally driven' but based on fact and this isn't easy to do if a person's stressed which we all experience from time to time. You learn to manage stress from exposure to lots of social interaction and challenging people. I admit I'd be thinking 'wow' if you tell me you've never met a challenging person in your life. I don't know when I or my husband die but I know that when we do, our daughter will have the skills to survive in this world whatever she does and wherever she travels. I admit that there are flaws in the system and understand why parents feel hacked off with certain aspects of our education system and school selection process.

Actually I think if you are polite, reasonable and don't find too many things to be hills you'll die on, you can make your way through life with relatively little conflict. I agree that resources can help that but you can largely choose what to care about and stress over. My dd will have the skills to navigate adult life and I don't think anyone needs to endure a brutal boot camp (which school can be for some people) to do that.

Notabarbie · Yesterday 13:08

You are right to think you don't know more than your child's teachers. I would hope they're familiar with the word 'utmost'.

Your sister's assumption that all children should be learning according to the national curriculum timeline is ridiculous. Many countries have a completely different approach. She should not be in that job if her attitude is negative from the outset, nor should she be speaking disparagingly of parents she is meant to support.

I'm surprised your sister isn't conscious that many home educated children had a difficult time in school and were failing there as well due to inadequate support for additional needs.

Home educating parents do not think they know how to teach a class of children. They know how to teach one child and they know that child inside out. Classroom teachers require different skills and home education should not try to replicate a classroom experience. There are a wealth of resources professionally developed by specialist educators online at heavily subsidised prices for home educated children. Many of these resources are used in a more formal context in schools. Surely your sister is not critical of this as well.

Notabarbie · Yesterday 13:18

By the way, I pulled my child out of school at the age of 8. She was in the bottom sets for everything. School were insistent she had no additional needs. My child felt stupid. I sent her back at the age of ten having benefited from the interventions appropriate for her diagnoses, acquired through assessments I had paid for privately. It was extremely demanding to step in where school had failed her but I had no choice. She has now sat comfortably in the top sets for everything except languages for some years and is on track to achieve her lifelong dream of becoming a vet.

Tell your sister I didn't know more than her teachers. I knew differently. I knew my kid and I used what was available within the supportive and growing home education community.

Incidentally, no one ever checked up on my daughter after she was deregistered. Should I assume that is the fault of someone like your sister?

Fuckmyliferightnow · Yesterday 13:30

Aren’t you a goady fucker?!

Growingaseed · Yesterday 13:48

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · Yesterday 12:58

Because they were ready to take that particular GCSE at 12? You can do multiple things at once.
It was only ‘gloaty’ because it was in response to an OP basically saying that home educating leads to failure. I can see why that PP gloated!

Regardless they gave a gloaty post about something which isn't particularly impressive. Most schools aim for 9 or 10 and that's without starting at 12....

PipkinOfPepper · Yesterday 13:51

WheretheFishesareFrightening · 29/04/2026 15:17

I’m generally anti home schooling where people choose that before the baby is born, because I was made for academia and it would have devastated my life to have been home schooled. I acknowledge that it might have been the making of my sister though (although she is way make anti homeschooling than I am because of the contact she had with that community as an adult).

But your comparison is flawed. There’s no guarantee your kid gets a teacher with 30 years of experience, and could feasibly have someone with their first teaching gig, who might not be as effective as teaching your child as 1 of 30 than you would be able to 1 on 1.

Why would it have devastated your life to be home educated? We home educate our child in large part because we want her to receive a rigorous education which she simply wouldn't be getting at the local state school.

PipkinOfPepper · Yesterday 13:53

SunnyRedSnail · 29/04/2026 16:43

Many families do it well.

And many also don't, and here lies the issue.

Exactly the same as schools. Should we shut down schools where some children fail to get average grades at the end of year 6 / year 11? Hang on, wouldn't that be all state schools...

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · Yesterday 13:54

Growingaseed · Yesterday 13:48

Regardless they gave a gloaty post about something which isn't particularly impressive. Most schools aim for 9 or 10 and that's without starting at 12....

Home educating generally doesn’t mean trying to replicate what happens in schools though, so that’s irrelevant.

WheretheFishesareFrightening · Yesterday 14:12

PipkinOfPepper · Yesterday 13:51

Why would it have devastated your life to be home educated? We home educate our child in large part because we want her to receive a rigorous education which she simply wouldn't be getting at the local state school.

Edited

I’m very academic, I thrive with rules, structure and examination. I’m extremely competitive and driven by a want to be the best. I would not have got that by homeschooling. A built a lot of soft skills by finishing my state school work first in the class and then helping my peers with their work. I was at an extremely underperforming state school that I think would have only been bettered at a private school.

I was better educated/more knowledgeable/more clever than my parents before I was 10 years old. There’s no way they could have given me even half of what I needed in an education.

Even as an adult, I seek out classroom learning and exam based qualifications - I’m studying for a gcse now in my 30s for example.

PipkinOfPepper · Yesterday 14:17

WheretheFishesareFrightening · Yesterday 14:12

I’m very academic, I thrive with rules, structure and examination. I’m extremely competitive and driven by a want to be the best. I would not have got that by homeschooling. A built a lot of soft skills by finishing my state school work first in the class and then helping my peers with their work. I was at an extremely underperforming state school that I think would have only been bettered at a private school.

I was better educated/more knowledgeable/more clever than my parents before I was 10 years old. There’s no way they could have given me even half of what I needed in an education.

Even as an adult, I seek out classroom learning and exam based qualifications - I’m studying for a gcse now in my 30s for example.

Sounds like you would have enjoyed the sort of home education my daughter is getting 😉

Growingaseed · Yesterday 16:34

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · Yesterday 13:54

Home educating generally doesn’t mean trying to replicate what happens in schools though, so that’s irrelevant.

Then why gloat about how many GCSEs your child has? If you aren't trying to replicate it shouldn't matter.

yogpot · Yesterday 16:51

Home educating is very different from classroom teaching. Many, many families successfully educate their children at home and would not be able to educate a classroom of 30 teenagers. Many teachers who successfully educate classes of 30 teenagers would struggle to home educate their own children.

It’s really apples and oranges, totally different skill sets. People (adults and children alike!) thrive in different environments.

As a teacher I have a lot of respect for families who identify that school doesn’t work for their child and move heaven and earth to find an alternative that does. It’s an extremely difficult undertaking that takes immense dedication. Because some families do it poorly absolutely does not mean it should be banned!

MiddleOfHere · Yesterday 18:03

Growingaseed · Yesterday 13:48

Regardless they gave a gloaty post about something which isn't particularly impressive. Most schools aim for 9 or 10 and that's without starting at 12....

Most home educators who do GCSEs start early so as to spread the load and the cost.
Home education is deemed to be in the independent sector (by virtue of not having taken up the state-funded option of state school).
Therefore the family has to fund that (and GCSEs are usually over £100 per subject) unless they live in one of the small minority of areas where the LA will fund some GCSEs.

ImpracticalMagic · Yesterday 21:28

Itchthescratch · Yesterday 07:19

Yet another case where the posts on a thread would lead you to believe that there was wide spread support for home ed and yet the poll says otherwise. The majority of people have deep concerns about home ed because it is essentially almost entirely unregulated and there is real potential for a child to be deprived of a decent education which is one of their basic human rights.

Personally I would like to see home ed far more regulated. I think the rules should be far stricter and all kids (barring those with significant SEN) should be taking GCSEs and passing most of them. I don't think children have the capacity to truly consent to depriving themselves of a formal education and this concerns me. I would have been desperate to home school as a teen but it would have been the absolute worst thing for me to do. Sometimes, especially when we are young and naive, we need saving from ourselves and not facilitated.

It would be great if schooled children passed most of their GCSEs as a starting point then. Also, the moment the government insist on home ed kids taking the standard 9 GCSEs (unnecessary), then they will incur the costs. At this time, home ed families pay for them at a considerable cost.

Growingaseed · Yesterday 23:32

MiddleOfHere · Yesterday 18:03

Most home educators who do GCSEs start early so as to spread the load and the cost.
Home education is deemed to be in the independent sector (by virtue of not having taken up the state-funded option of state school).
Therefore the family has to fund that (and GCSEs are usually over £100 per subject) unless they live in one of the small minority of areas where the LA will fund some GCSEs.

If you can't afford the exams you have to ask yourself if you should really be homeschooling? Surely the first requirement is being able to financially provide for all the resources the child needs to gain an education.

Fully appreciate many families don't have the choice (SEN, school refusers etc).
However, in the person I responded to case their child was happy to go to school as they later did for A levels.

I appreciate some home schoolers will be offended by that view. To me it's holding your own child back if you've taken them out of a free school with all the opportunities that come with it and instead making them take GCSEs over 5 years just to save you money.

MiddleOfHere · Today 08:35

Growingaseed · Yesterday 23:32

If you can't afford the exams you have to ask yourself if you should really be homeschooling? Surely the first requirement is being able to financially provide for all the resources the child needs to gain an education.

Fully appreciate many families don't have the choice (SEN, school refusers etc).
However, in the person I responded to case their child was happy to go to school as they later did for A levels.

I appreciate some home schoolers will be offended by that view. To me it's holding your own child back if you've taken them out of a free school with all the opportunities that come with it and instead making them take GCSEs over 5 years just to save you money.

It doesn't save money to spread them. The same amount of money is being spent overall but for some families, it's easier to spend £300 per year over 4 years rather than £1200 in one year.
Yes, families could start saving when their DC is 12 instead and then spend it all at 16 but either way, they would have still afforded the exams and spent the same amount of money.

Families might also want to spread the load across multiple years for various other reasons.

There's not really any particular requirement to sit GCSEs all in one go.
Schools have to do it because of timetabling and because now only the first attempt counts for league tables, so they are further disincentivised from entering pupils early for GCSEs - whereas previous to that change quite a few schools used to enter pupils early.
Not even Oxbridge are bothered about GCSEs being done all at once, it's A levels that they want to see taken in one go or within a certain timeframe.

Therefore, why wouldn't any family who had the choice also take the opportunity to time GCSEs to what suits them best for whatever reason.

Growingaseed · Today 10:50

MiddleOfHere · Today 08:35

It doesn't save money to spread them. The same amount of money is being spent overall but for some families, it's easier to spend £300 per year over 4 years rather than £1200 in one year.
Yes, families could start saving when their DC is 12 instead and then spend it all at 16 but either way, they would have still afforded the exams and spent the same amount of money.

Families might also want to spread the load across multiple years for various other reasons.

There's not really any particular requirement to sit GCSEs all in one go.
Schools have to do it because of timetabling and because now only the first attempt counts for league tables, so they are further disincentivised from entering pupils early for GCSEs - whereas previous to that change quite a few schools used to enter pupils early.
Not even Oxbridge are bothered about GCSEs being done all at once, it's A levels that they want to see taken in one go or within a certain timeframe.

Therefore, why wouldn't any family who had the choice also take the opportunity to time GCSEs to what suits them best for whatever reason.

That's all your opinion and that's fine. Like you say anyone with a brain will know they could save the money in earlier years and pay for the GCSEs at once later on. Therefore, the original comment made to say home school families spread out exams so it costs less doesn't add up,

Its really not of interest to me and the original gloaty person has deleted their post now anyway so I won't be replying after this as it feels we are going round in circles talking about nothing.

MiddleOfHere · Today 12:07

Growingaseed · Today 10:50

That's all your opinion and that's fine. Like you say anyone with a brain will know they could save the money in earlier years and pay for the GCSEs at once later on. Therefore, the original comment made to say home school families spread out exams so it costs less doesn't add up,

Its really not of interest to me and the original gloaty person has deleted their post now anyway so I won't be replying after this as it feels we are going round in circles talking about nothing.

I literally said "Most home educators who do GCSEs start early so as to spread the load and the cost."

Nowhere in that sentence (or elsewhere in my post) does it say anything about it costing less or even implying that it costs less to sit them early.

Perhaps you are referring to a comment made by soneone else - I can't recall where anyone has said it costs less to take them early but I haven't re-read the entire thread to check, so apologies if that's the case.

Not sure what part you think is my opinion - ppossibly requirement to sit GCSEs all together? Although I have yet to come across such a requirement - and it was sonething I did look into quite a bit before committing to doing things the way we did.)

In any case, what I said about schools/league tables and also Oxbridge is true and can be checked by anyone who might be interested.

rainbowsnack · Today 15:47

There's also 14-16 provisions offered by some colleges that enable kids to access GCSEs while being home educated for free.

Growingaseed · Today 16:31

MiddleOfHere · Today 12:07

I literally said "Most home educators who do GCSEs start early so as to spread the load and the cost."

Nowhere in that sentence (or elsewhere in my post) does it say anything about it costing less or even implying that it costs less to sit them early.

Perhaps you are referring to a comment made by soneone else - I can't recall where anyone has said it costs less to take them early but I haven't re-read the entire thread to check, so apologies if that's the case.

Not sure what part you think is my opinion - ppossibly requirement to sit GCSEs all together? Although I have yet to come across such a requirement - and it was sonething I did look into quite a bit before committing to doing things the way we did.)

In any case, what I said about schools/league tables and also Oxbridge is true and can be checked by anyone who might be interested.

'Most home educators who do GCSEs start early so as to spread the load and the cost'

'It doesn't save money to spread them.'

I just think you are arguing with yourself at this point? You told me that home educators do it to spread costs. Then started arguing about whether that's the same thing as saving money.

I agreed with you it's the same cost overall. So why not save the money in a bank account? It doesn't make sense to start at 12 to 'spread costs'. We both agree but you said it was the reason not me.

I can't keep talking about the same thing it's a waste of time.

I think you want to feel validated that your decision to home school is the right one. I don't know anything about you or your child(ren) so I can't give you that validation.

What I do know is that if you are home schooling your kids you probably shouldn't be on mumsnet arguing with strangers in the middle of the day. You should be providing an education.

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