AIBU to want more than a lazy short break with my husband

[NotTiredAndEmotional12345]

I’m booking a short break for me and my husband, we are in our fifties. All he wants to do is go somewhere and laze around. We could do that at home! Now the kids are older and at uni, I want to go somewhere where we can see some shows, or do some activities, have some amazing food. I don’t want to rest, I want to live a little! Maybe I am better off going with friends 😂

YABU - short breaks are for slobbing. Live, laugh, laze.
YANBU - life is for living. Screw rest and relaxation. Bring me romance, reconnection and rediscovering all the stuff we couldn’t do when we had younger kids.

Does he work full time and you stay home / work less by any chance?

Neither of you are unreasonable, you just want different things.

I’m with him… neither of you are wrong, they’re just different things.

Compromise/book two trips

You can do both. We’ve just been on a mini break as a couple on our 50s. Had time by pool, cocktails on terrace but also did a walking tour and sightseeing.

We do a bit of both on a short break - he likes to 'do' lots of stuff - I make sure there are frequent stop and people watching time or a long lunch or go to the theatre/cinema. Or I send him off on his own to the local war museum....and relax with a coffee for a few hours.

I am with your husband on this now kid is grown up lol but a lot of my friends in same boat as yourself. I am lucky as my OH is same as me.

How about a bit of balance? DH and I sometimes book city breaks in hotels with a pool and/or a beach nearby.
Sightseeing in morning, relax by pool/swim in afternoon, out for a lovely dinner/show in the evening. DH is more into relaxing, I'm more into doing, so we compromise. We both work but just have different preferences

Neither of you are wrong, can you find a compromise where you spend some time doing what each of you prefers? If he won't agree to that then go with your friends instead!

We do both, as in go out and about to shop, something cultural, sightsee etc so we've actually left the hotel, and also laze later in the day. DH likes to lie in the sun, I sit under a brolly with a book.

We rarely plan (as it never works out that way).

No both still work full time 😃

I agree with @Hellometime

Why does it have to be rigidly one or the other? Surely you can combine some relaxation with some more exciting activities?

Your 2 options sound either exhausting or boring whereas a little bit of both sounds a good balance

Would he compromise with lazy mornings and an outing in the afternoon? Or you see what you want to see and then meet up for lunch and dinner?
If there's no compromise to be had then, yes, you might be better off doing that sort of break with friends and having a more low-key break with your husband.

I wouldn't want to spend the entire break lazing around and I'm 69. But is this the only break you'll have? If you have several breaks/holidays a year then it would be reasonable for one of them to be for relaxation/sunbathing and then another one for sightseeing etc. Doesn't he even want to go out to eat whilst you're away? If not, what do you do for food?

Neither of you is wrong. You just enjoy different things. If you want a really active short break, go with a friend instead.

Let him laze around, you go off and do what you want.

It really depends on whether or not you both work in similarly stressful jobs or not. Working full time gets progressively more exhausting as you get older - can it be he needs recovery time?

Can you either -

1. book two trips - one for each type of holiday, or
2. Book a longer trip with time for both?

Neither of you is wrong, you just want different things.

Alternatively, join a group for activity type holidays or go on your own.

Youre not jooined at the hip, just split things up a bit. Some time together, some time apart where you both do a bit of what you fancy. this is really such a non problem.

Do another trip with a friend

Find somewhere with a bit of what you both fancy. I love to explore and eat out, but a couple of hours by the pool with a good book is bliss. You can always leave him at the hotel while you go off and do something if you can't sit still for a bit. DH always likes to have a nap in the afternoon, so I often go for a walk or a run or go and visit a museum.

Just go with your mates - that what your friends are for

Like PP have said balance is key! We did Budapest for a city break last year, packed loads into our first full day and then spent the next one lazing in the thermal spa. Not all activities need to be go, go, go!

I am pretty much incapable of lazing around so I would get very annoying if I had to do that for days. I'd rather go with friends and do/see things in that case.

Do you both have to do things together on the holiday? If you don't mind splitting up for some of the time, lots of places would offer the opportunity for one to laze and one to explore during the day, then meet in the evening and spend time together then.