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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think that DH has mental health issues?

51 replies

Sam9769 · 29/04/2026 06:12

DH is 65 and has been retired for three years.
He never had a great memory but it has got worse lately. He won't remember details of conversations several days later and is generally forgetful. We had a horrible swarm of cluster flies in the garage several months ago which looked like something out of a horror film and although he remembers the event he doesn't recall seeing the flies.

He has started locking the front, back and side doors so if I'm working in the garden and go out one door and try to come in another the door, it's locked. He has many security cameras up around the garden. He has also started to turn switches off at the walls in case there is a fire which is doing my head in every time I attempt to turn on, for example, a bed side light.

He is also becoming quite tight with money. He doesn't like putting the heating on or the hot water. He was never been one for buying presents but recently it was our 35th wedding anniversary and I suggested he buy me a Tom Chambers arch for the garden for £80 out of his money. He suggested paying £50 and I could pay the rest. He has plenty of money. He reluctantly sent me a PayPal payment for £80 and I paid the £6 postage.

To balance the above, he worked as a mechanical engineer, can fix the car if it goes wrong, can do things around the house like DIY but only if pushed into it and if I organise getting materials for the job. He enjoys playing with some flight simulator head set he bought recently so it's not as if his mental abilities in this regard have deteriorated.

We moved house not that long ago, lots to do to update the house. We have trades people in to do some jobs, some we're doing ourselves but the house is in a chaotic state at the moment which is really not helping.

AIBU to think that he may have mental health issues for is this just who he is?

OP posts:
Sam9769 · 02/05/2026 18:38

DorisTheFinkasaurus · 02/05/2026 18:14

I'm wondering if your house move has been more traumatic than he can cope with. I moved into my current house about 10 months ago and, for the first time this week, I realised how much I've finally stopped double and triple locking doors, checking the doors to see if they're locks, checking the hob, the oven, turning switches off at the mains, etc. We left the family home I'd raised our children in, moved last summer, and, ever since, I really have been living with major anxiety- the change was too big for me. I felt very unsafe and unsettled for several months.
Now that the 'new' house is safer, updated, and, above all, really feels like home, I am much more relaxed and all of my sort of 'compulsive' tendencies have calmed right down.
I just wonder if this is a sort of trauma response on your DH's part (I know, that sounds really big and perhaps even silly but... it's not unreasonable for something like a house move to prove to be just too much).

Thank you.I do think that the move could be a major factor together with retirement. Also we are updating the house so we have no kitchen at present and many of the rooms are not useable yet so it's not a relaxing or calm place to be at the moment. In fact the most relaxing place at present is my poly tunnel!

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