Would you be offended if your adult siblings was invited on a family holiday with nephew but not you?

[Duv]

Going on a family holiday that involves driving aboard and renting a villa and outdoorsy stuff.

We'll have a spare room in the villa (and if we pack efficiently) spare seat in our car so was thinking of inviting one of my adult siblings (let's call them Alex) to join us, as we will enjoy having the adult company and they would probably enjoy spending the time with their nephew and I think the holiday is their kind of vibe too. Also they drive so they could potentially make their own way their if car is too cramped.

My concern is I have another sibling (let's call them Jamie) who is married. Will they be offended when they learn we went away with other siblings without them? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

Alex is single so would slot more easily into the holiday without it feeling overcrowded in the villa. Whereas because Jamie would bring his wife (possibly not though as they are quite independent, but we'd definitely invite them as a couple) it could feel too many people in a small space. Jamie and wife don't drive so we could neither offer them a lift nor could they easily make their own way there.

On the one hand I think there are reasonable reasons to invite Alex as it will just mesh better with our plans. On the other hand I think I'd be hurt if the shoe was on the other foot. But then the alternative is just never inviting my siblings on holiday as I can't really invite both and I think it would be a nice bonding experience with nephew.

What do you think
Reasonable: invite Alex
Unreasonable: its rude/exclusionary to invite one

My sister has come on holiday with us several times as she is single, so if it fits with our plans then I invite her. I have been on holiday in the past with my brother but don’t invite him nowadays as he goes with his partner etc. He does joke that he’s not invited 😂. My DH’s sister has invited her sister to go on holiday with her for similar reasons - she wouldn’t invite DH as she knows we go on holiday as a family usually.

If you are outdoorsy and would like to get everyone away together at times maybe suggest a family camping weekend once a year.

Everyone books their own pitch so it’s not one person left chasing. Possibly a site that also give the options of glamping as well as proper camping.

There is a site we visit that does everything from off grid cook on a fire all the way to renting cottages so covers all basis.

Do you actually want to invite both siblings? If so, maybe they could travel together in one car.
I don't see any reason why anyone should be offended though. Most adults do different things with different sets of people. But then I don't know your family personalities.

I would talk to the married sibling first, and tell them your suggestion, and thought it may be a good idea as a single parent to invite them along. You could suggest that if your other sibling fancies it too, you could look for another villa close by which they could rent. They probably won’t want to come as you say, but will at least feel involved in the plans (and before you ask the sibling you intend to).

On the face of it i cant see why inviting one adult sibling to something without the other would cause offence (unless there is a backstory with underlying resentments)

I would text married brother and say
‘we’ve invited single brother along to fill our spare room, if you and wife want to join there is a lovely apartment closeby too! We could all do dinners together’

Something like this. Book the holiday you want and stick to it. Invite the single brother. Then tell the married brother you've done this and say you'd love him and wife to come and stay nearby if they fancy it. Then totally up to them, you've covered your arse and can have the holiday you want with no compromises

I think if you'd be hurt to be left out on the circumstances then that is of your answer

Depends on your relationship, we have a similar family setup. I would probably message your other married sibling and say "we've worked out that Alex is able to squeeze in our car and tag along for our holiday, do you fancy finding somewhere close by and joining us? here's the address of our villa, let me know if we should plan to meet up!"

I think its fine because Alex is single and may not get a holiday whereas Jamie is married and likely to have their own holiday.

I’d be offended if I was close to my siblings and they went on holiday without me, if it was something I’d be interested in anyway. If they were going to Benidorm, I’d be grateful I wasn’t invited!

I don't understand the offence, one extra person fits, one person is offered the space.

Especially with the update about taking parents last year - sounds you are mixing it, inviting someone to use the extra space.

Just casually mention you are going, and if they show interest, you can always do something together some other time. Maybe a long weekend somewhere in the UK with everyone booking their own rooms?

I think it’s perfectly fine, but I’d just let the uninvited one know as well so that they don’t learn from a third party really.

I would contact non invited sibling before you ask the other one and explain circumstances. I wouldn’t say “you can book this lovely apartment nearby “ as that just sounds like a weird afterthought, but just say about having one space in the car and the single room and wanting to run it past them to check it’s not an issue.

I'd talk to jamie and say we are thinking of offering Alex the spare seat in the car and the spare room. What do you think?
Unless Jamie is an idiot he would say yes, great crack on.